Freethought & Rationalism Archive

cydonia · 06-18-2003, 06:15 PM

WARNING: sticky sweet.

http://www.liveoakfbc.org/he.htm

My mother just sent this to me. I am NOT into this stuff. She doesn't know, but I think she suspects I'm not religious. I am tempted to forward a letter to everyone on this email list filled with insight gleaned from these boards.

But it's offensive to retaliate. It's offensive to email this junk to me. Why can't anyone see that?

My mom and I aren't on the best terms right now, I wonder if she did this just to bug me. Our last contact was a nasty email exchange. Mom, look where JESUS got you. Nowhere.

Sigh

Just had to vent at the one place I knew people would understand I guess.

Biff the unclean · 06-18-2003, 06:43 PM

"Author Unknown?" He probably went into a diabetic coma from all the saccharin in this piece before he could sign it.

I'd advise you to get a restraining order placed on your mom. If she's capable of sending you this she's liable to do anything. Maybe you should consider hiring security.

I am sending you a bill for a new monitor as I will now have the smash this one.

cydonia · 06-18-2003, 07:11 PM

LOL

I read this from the point of view of someone who believes in Him, and all I can think is, "He is everything, I am Nothing. I have absolutely no value whatsoever outside the value the Lord decides to grant me. Truly, I am a helpless worthless creature."

Personally, I like to think I have some sort of control over my life, and that yes believe it or not I can even do some positve things without the help of Jesus.

People find this comforting?

Man.

Biff the unclean · 06-18-2003, 07:47 PM

People find this comforting?

Mmmmm�there are "homes" that you can place your mother in. I've heard that in some of these institutions they actually beat their patients. I'm not sure if this service is included or if it costs extra. It might be worth a few more dollars for the peace of mind you would get.

cydonia · 06-18-2003, 08:02 PM

Well Jesus has brought her enough harm, I don't want anymore to come to her way.

There's so many fundies on that e-mail list. I'm so tempted to respond.

wade-w · 06-18-2003, 10:10 PM

That is really disgusting, cydonia. And that insipid music is awful! I had to mute my speakers.

Jinto · 06-18-2003, 11:08 PM

The poem wasn't all that intolerable, but that music... aargh! That midi file should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction!

Anyway, here's a reprint of the poem, with my take on it (and so that nobody has to listen to that damn music.):

The Power of Powerful

Not to be confused with the Power of Pine-Sol

He is the First and Last, the Beginning and the End!

But regrettably, all of the really cool stuff happened in the middle.

He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!

All the carnivores, all the fire ants, all the beetles, all the mosquitoes, all the plauges and pestilence...

He is the Architect of the universe and

is therefore going to be fired.

The Manager of all times.

If he's anything like this guy, I want out of this outfit.

He always was, He always is, and He always will be...

Gay, no matter how much the Baptists tell Him He can change.

Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!

Of course. You can't be undone if you've never done anything!

He was bruised and brought healing!

Thus inspiring Jehova's Witnesses everywhere to refuse medical treatment for their own injuries.

He was pierced and eased pain!

Regrettably, he didn't tell anyone the formula for his miracle anesthetic, thus causing women everywhere to go through 18 MORE centuries of painful childbirth.

He was persecuted and brought freedom!

Thus demonstrating superb captialist values.

He was dead and brought life!

There really isn't anything money can't buy these days.

He is risen and brings power!

With which he will one day RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

He reigns and brings Peace!

Can he rain and bring crops instead?

The world can't understand him,

Because they're afraid to look, lest they see the half-silvered mirror.

The armies can't defeat Him,

Unless they remember the iron chariots.

The schools can't explain Him, and

Praise the Supreme Court!

The leaders can't ignore Him.

Because they need him to get elected.

Herod couldn't kill Him,
The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and
The people couldn't hold Him!

So they let the Romans do it for them!

Nero couldn't crush Him,

Because he was already dead.

Hitler couldn't silence Him,

So he silenced the Jews instead.

The New Age can't replace Him, and

They said that about Yahweh too...

Donahue can't explain Him away!

You obviously don't know the LORD's phobia of rational inquiry.

He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.

This is Absurd, Asinine, Amphiboly, and Alliteration.

He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.

Notice how gently he exterminates millions of people in a global flood.

He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure bullshit.

His ways are right,

down the alley of rapists, murderers, and pedophile priests.

His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and
His mind is on me.

Ah. That explains the lack of thought.

He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my guide, and
He is my peace!
He is my Joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord, and
He rules my life!

Obviously.

Seriously, this alone should be enough to convince people that Christianity is unhealthy.

I serve Him because His bond is love,

So your idea of love is slavery?

His burden is light, and

Because he gets everyone else to do his work for Him.

His goal for me is abundant life.

Which He will enjoy, while you till the ground from whence you were taken.

I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise,

And since the wisdom of the wise is folly in the sight of God...

The power of the powerful,

Which they use in their goals of religous conquest.

The ancient of days, the ruler of rulers,

"Everyone in my kingdom is exactly one foot tall." - Jesus

The leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and
The sovereign Lord of all that was and is and is to come.

Well I didn't vote for him.

and if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.

It's not impressive to me.

His goal is a relationship with ME!

For an omnipotent being, he sure has some petty aspirations.

He will never leave me,

Said the teenage girl about the captain of the football team.

Never forsake me, never mislead me,

Never toss me out of paradise over something so petty as eating an apple.

Never forget me, never overlook me, and
Never cancel my appointment in His appointment book!

He doesn't HAVE an appointment book, so there!

When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I am hungry, He feeds me!

When you are stupid, He thinks for you.
When you are dishonest, He covers for you.
When you are arrogant, He justifies you.
When you are greedy, He steals for you.
And when you are bloodthirsty, He kills for you.

When I face trials, He is with me!

Really? Since when has God been called to testify in a court of law?

When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face problems, He comforts me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face Death, He carries me Home!

In short, he enables you to continue fucking up your own life over and over without ever having to deal with the consequences.

He is everything for everybody, everywhere,
Every time, and every way.

He is what people see in their minds as they close their minds and pray.

He is God, He is faithful.

But not as faithful as Dog.

I am His, and He is mine!

I didn't realize you could own Gods.

My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world.

I thought we had outgrown "my daddy can beat up your daddy," but I guess I was wrong.

So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this...
He said it and that settles it.

Remember what I said about arrogance...

God is in control, I am on His side, and

amazingly, also on everyone else's side too.

That means all is well with my soul.

Regrettably, it's an empty well.

Every day is a blessing for GOD IS DEAD! (Listening to that awful music killed him.)

~Author Unknown~

Clearly, (s)he didn't want to be associated with this garbage.

PASS THIS ON IF YOU MEAN IT:

I love the Lord and thank Him for all that he does in my life, therefore, I am passing this on. Yes I do love Jesus. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without Him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things.

Translation: I worship an invisible man and credit everything good in my life to him. I think that without this invisible man I am absolutely nothing. I have no sense of self-worth and am passing this on to you so that you may also hate yourself like I do.

Rousseau_CHN · 06-19-2003, 02:00 AM

What is so great about being the beginning and the end?

Nothing unless you are at the wrong end. Beginning and the end means that whatever you do, you will ultimately end up with him. So you can sin all day, but in the end, you end up with your heavenly father above.

You end up with satan...if that is true then God is the beginning but satan is the end.

Shake · 06-19-2003, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by cydonia
WARNING: sticky sweet.

http://www.liveoakfbc.org/he.htm

or maybe I should say:

catmar · 06-19-2003, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Biff the unclean
"I am sending you a bill for a new monitor as I will now have the smash this one.

ROFLMAO!!!!

ETA: from Jinto's post :Thus inspiring Jehova's Witnesses everywhere to refuse medical treatment for their own injuries.

Do we really want them to treat their injuries? If they do, they'll come back and annoy us again.

06-18-2003, 06:15 PM	#1
cydonia Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: southern california Posts: 1,002	HE IS... (well, a bunch of stuff apparently) WARNING: sticky sweet. http://www.liveoakfbc.org/he.htm My mother just sent this to me. I am NOT into this stuff. She doesn't know, but I think she suspects I'm not religious. I am tempted to forward a letter to everyone on this email list filled with insight gleaned from these boards. But it's offensive to retaliate. It's offensive to email this junk to me. Why can't anyone see that? My mom and I aren't on the best terms right now, I wonder if she did this just to bug me. Our last contact was a nasty email exchange. Mom, look where JESUS got you. Nowhere. Sigh Just had to vent at the one place I knew people would understand I guess.

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06-18-2003, 06:43 PM	#2
Biff the unclean Banned Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: an inaccessible island fortress Posts: 10,638	"Author Unknown?" He probably went into a diabetic coma from all the saccharin in this piece before he could sign it. I'd advise you to get a restraining order placed on your mom. If she's capable of sending you this she's liable to do anything. Maybe you should consider hiring security. I am sending you a bill for a new monitor as I will now have the smash this one.

06-18-2003, 07:11 PM	#3
cydonia Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: southern california Posts: 1,002	LOL I read this from the point of view of someone who believes in Him, and all I can think is, "He is everything, I am Nothing. I have absolutely no value whatsoever outside the value the Lord decides to grant me. Truly, I am a helpless worthless creature." Personally, I like to think I have some sort of control over my life, and that yes believe it or not I can even do some positve things without the help of Jesus. People find this comforting? Man.

06-18-2003, 07:47 PM	#4
Biff the unclean Banned Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: an inaccessible island fortress Posts: 10,638	People find this comforting? Mmmmm�there are "homes" that you can place your mother in. I've heard that in some of these institutions they actually beat their patients. I'm not sure if this service is included or if it costs extra. It might be worth a few more dollars for the peace of mind you would get.

06-18-2003, 08:02 PM	#5
cydonia Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: southern california Posts: 1,002	Well Jesus has brought her enough harm, I don't want anymore to come to her way. There's so many fundies on that e-mail list. I'm so tempted to respond.

06-18-2003, 10:10 PM	#6
wade-w Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Silver City, New Mexico Posts: 1,872	That is really disgusting, cydonia. And that insipid music is awful! I had to mute my speakers.

06-18-2003, 11:08 PM	#7
Jinto Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: SLC, UT Posts: 957	The poem wasn't all that intolerable, but that music... aargh! That midi file should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction! Anyway, here's a reprint of the poem, with my take on it (and so that nobody has to listen to that damn music.): The Power of Powerful Not to be confused with the Power of Pine-Sol He is the First and Last, the Beginning and the End! But regrettably, all of the really cool stuff happened in the middle. He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all! All the carnivores, all the fire ants, all the beetles, all the mosquitoes, all the plauges and pestilence... He is the Architect of the universe and is therefore going to be fired. The Manager of all times. If he's anything like this guy, I want out of this outfit. He always was, He always is, and He always will be... Gay, no matter how much the Baptists tell Him He can change. Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone! Of course. You can't be undone if you've never done anything! He was bruised and brought healing! Thus inspiring Jehova's Witnesses everywhere to refuse medical treatment for their own injuries. He was pierced and eased pain! Regrettably, he didn't tell anyone the formula for his miracle anesthetic, thus causing women everywhere to go through 18 MORE centuries of painful childbirth. He was persecuted and brought freedom! Thus demonstrating superb captialist values. He was dead and brought life! There really isn't anything money can't buy these days. He is risen and brings power! With which he will one day RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! He reigns and brings Peace! Can he rain and bring crops instead? The world can't understand him, Because they're afraid to look, lest they see the half-silvered mirror. The armies can't defeat Him, Unless they remember the iron chariots. The schools can't explain Him, and Praise the Supreme Court! The leaders can't ignore Him. Because they need him to get elected. Herod couldn't kill Him, The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and The people couldn't hold Him! So they let the Romans do it for them! Nero couldn't crush Him, Because he was already dead. Hitler couldn't silence Him, So he silenced the Jews instead. The New Age can't replace Him, and They said that about Yahweh too... Donahue can't explain Him away! You obviously don't know the LORD's phobia of rational inquiry. He is light, love, longevity, and Lord. This is Absurd, Asinine, Amphiboly, and Alliteration. He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God. Notice how gently he exterminates millions of people in a global flood. He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure bullshit. His ways are right, down the alley of rapists, murderers, and pedophile priests. His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me. Ah. That explains the lack of thought. He is my Redeemer, He is my Savior, He is my guide, and He is my peace! He is my Joy, He is my comfort, He is my Lord, and He rules my life! Obviously. Seriously, this alone should be enough to convince people that Christianity is unhealthy. I serve Him because His bond is love, So your idea of love is slavery? His burden is light, and Because he gets everyone else to do his work for Him. His goal for me is abundant life. Which He will enjoy, while you till the ground from whence you were taken. I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise, And since the wisdom of the wise is folly in the sight of God... The power of the powerful, Which they use in their goals of religous conquest. The ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, "Everyone in my kingdom is exactly one foot tall." - Jesus The leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and The sovereign Lord of all that was and is and is to come. Well I didn't vote for him. and if that seems impressive to you, try this for size. It's not impressive to me. His goal is a relationship with ME! For an omnipotent being, he sure has some petty aspirations. He will never leave me, Said the teenage girl about the captain of the football team. Never forsake me, never mislead me, Never toss me out of paradise over something so petty as eating an apple. Never forget me, never overlook me, and Never cancel my appointment in His appointment book! He doesn't HAVE an appointment book, so there! When I fall, He lifts me up! When I fail, He forgives! When I am weak, He is strong! When I am lost, He is the way! When I am afraid, He is my courage! When I stumble, He steadies me! When I am hurt, He heals me! When I am broken, He mends me! When I am blind, He leads me! When I am hungry, He feeds me! When you are stupid, He thinks for you. When you are dishonest, He covers for you. When you are arrogant, He justifies you. When you are greedy, He steals for you. And when you are bloodthirsty, He kills for you. When I face trials, He is with me! Really? Since when has God been called to testify in a court of law? When I face persecution, He shields me! When I face problems, He comforts me! When I face loss, He provides for me! When I face Death, He carries me Home! In short, he enables you to continue fucking up your own life over and over without ever having to deal with the consequences. He is everything for everybody, everywhere, Every time, and every way. He is what people see in their minds as they close their minds and pray. He is God, He is faithful. But not as faithful as Dog. I am His, and He is mine! I didn't realize you could own Gods. My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world. I thought we had outgrown "my daddy can beat up your daddy," but I guess I was wrong. So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this... He said it and that settles it. Remember what I said about arrogance... God is in control, I am on His side, and amazingly, also on everyone else's side too. That means all is well with my soul. Regrettably, it's an empty well. Every day is a blessing for GOD IS DEAD! (Listening to that awful music killed him.) ~Author Unknown~ Clearly, (s)he didn't want to be associated with this garbage. PASS THIS ON IF YOU MEAN IT: I love the Lord and thank Him for all that he does in my life, therefore, I am passing this on. Yes I do love Jesus. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without Him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things. Translation: I worship an invisible man and credit everything good in my life to him. I think that without this invisible man I am absolutely nothing. I have no sense of self-worth and am passing this on to you so that you may also hate yourself like I do.

06-19-2003, 02:00 AM	#8
Rousseau_CHN Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Nowhere Land Posts: 441	What is so great about being the beginning and the end? Nothing unless you are at the wrong end. Beginning and the end means that whatever you do, you will ultimately end up with him. So you can sin all day, but in the end, you end up with your heavenly father above. You end up with satan...if that is true then God is the beginning but satan is the end.

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