Proxima Centauri

I'm sorry for you, Beth. It looks like your family and this church think chastisement of the unrighteous and the unbeliever is more important than love and kindness. I'm also sorry for your kids growing up and learning this bad way to treat family and friends.
Someone suggested the Unitarian Universalist Association. Freethinkers who understand the United States think it�s a good place where people who don't believe in God can get acceptance. I suggest you go there regularly with the kids. The kids will learn tolerance. You will have a chance to make new friends among more tolerant people. You family will be reassured that you're not totally opposed to all forms of Christianity.

Speedy-Lube

FOUR WORDS

Y
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Malagasy Rain

What good would that do? Doesn't that mean "Young Men's Christian Association"?

DrummerWench

ex-preacher said

B.Shack said

This sounds to me like a possible middle ground, especially if you find the right UU church. So many Christians have no clue about different denominations (let alone other religions), if you start going to a "church", that could be enough of a buzz word to smooth things over.

I don't know a lot about UU, except that they accommodate atheists, agnotics & theists to some degree or other, depending on the church / minister.

For the choir singing, maybe you could check out local / college choruses. They often do both religious & secular works.

I hope things work out for you.

DG

Queen of Swords

Originally posted by beth
I just see my children and family as more important than myself

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man." - - - Shakespeare.

Edited to add : Aw heck, brighid beat me to it.

Anti-Creedance Front

Unitarian Universalist sounds good, and YMCA is actually a very secular organization. I went to day camp there as a kid and we were not preached to at all, it was more like an indoor/outdoor summer camp. Of course there's a lot of things for mature adults to do there too. And I'm sure they have some sort of yoga type exercise classes.

It's the crux of being irreligious, you lose the community, and sometimes you lose the spirituality if you don't know how to be "secularly spiritual". I really never was in the church community, and I'm very much involved in college, so I have a social life, but I probably would attend "secular services", were they available. As long as we didn't spend the whole time mocking Jesus. That would eh... kinda look bad for us and put a negative tone on it. Anyway, I wrote an essay on being spiritual in general that won third prize in the Humanist contest, so whenever that's published, I'll send a copy to you, otherwise I'll try to dig the files out of MS Works. I do wish you much luck though, and once you go unreligious, you tend not to go back.

brighid

Beth,

I like the recommendation of checking out your local YMCA. My family and I spend a lot of time there, and although there are the occassional signs up that say "God Bless" and stuff like that our YMCA is pretty darn neutral.

My son plays lots of basketball there and enjoys swimming with his friends at the pool. The fitness programs are usually pretty good and most have yoga classes (which can be a great stress reliever). I would recommend taking Cardio Kickboxing for your frustations but that is just my bias showing

I have found it a great place to meet people in my community, and at least at our Y there is so much diversity that religion is NOT an issue. I find the people to be generally, very friendly and the YMCA does a lot of good things through helping underprivileged children, and things like that.

Brighid

Purple Smartie

Absolutely, the YMCA is a great place to meet people, and a great place to volunteer as well. I don't recall ever hearing any "God" stuff at my particular Y, and it's definitely not just for men.

The local Y has employment programs where volunteers help underemployed / low-income people create resumes and learn basic computer and communication skills so they can be more prepared for job interviews. If your YMCA doesn't have such a program you could start one.

I don't know how diverse the population is where you live, but there are many immigrant families here because of the large engineering university. Many of their kids participate in sports and dance classes at the YMCA and the waiting rooms seem to be very social places as well You can bet they're of many different religious backgrounds.

Check it out, what have you got to lose?

Secular Elation

Beth,

I'm posting late in this thread, but I wish to add my condolences to the difficulty of your situation. You are the sole nonbeliever in your family and social community, and that has resulted in many pains with loss of social bonds, activities at church, et cetera. It is a position that is never easy to deal with.

We are different people--you are a mom and I am a son--but I can relate a great deal to your dilemma. I am the only atheist in my family. My parents believe in god, but they don't attend church and are not particularly religious. However, my two sisters and their families (they are both married) are very religious. I never really was a strong believer, I'd say I was ambiguous with religious beliefs all my life, until my early teenage years when I finally developed full-blown atheism. This is a characteristic that is so isolating, isn't it?

However, you have exemplified your strength by being honest and revealing your disbelief to your family and enduring their responses, and the additional consequences with other friends. I am ashamed to say that I have yet to come out of the closet and reveal to my family that I am a nonbeliever. I am so afraid of how they will respond, and from what you have described of your situation, it will not be pretty. Certainly, not every family is the same, but I have commonly seen such distasteful reactions in families where a member reveals religious differences. I know that, eventually, I will need to reveal my disbelief to my family, but it is requiring tremendous will power that I can't acheive thus far.

Funny I should say that I have not revealed my personal truth to my family, for I have in fact revealed it to most of my friends. In my junior year of high school, the school newspaper published an article I submitted, in which I discussed being a nonbeliever in modern society. The social cosequences of that action were numerous. Although I didn't really lose any of the friends I had already known before that publication, there were other opportunities to make friends that I know were lost. Worst of all, there was a girl I had a crush on and we almost got close, but when differences in belief became an issue, she distanced herself. To this day, I haven't fully gotten over it.

But I am glad you are past that point and are on your way to healing from the social damages inflicted from your brave revelation of your personal (dis)beliefs. You are commendable for standing up for what YOU believe in, for preserving your own integrity. Hang in there, for things will get better, I am sure.

Best wishes.

beth

Secular Elation,
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It is hard being different. I'm not even sure that I was wise to declare to my family and those around me about my disbelief but what is done is done. I felt I needed to, though because I was still veiwed as a strong Christian even when I lacked belief. So I tried being honest and suffered the consequences. But I knew it would happen from the beginning, anyway.

I'm not really sure that you must tell your family what you belief or don't believe in, especially right now. You need to search yourself and decide if it is really all that important. However, you should not feel shame in not revealing anything to them. I looked at your profile and it seems that you are still young. Take your time and don't rush into anything. Enjoy college.