beth

Thanks for the advice. I am still not sure as to what to do yet. I just see my children and family as more important than myself and I don't want to be the cause of any more upset. I feel as if I have lost my way over the past couple of months and I am trying to cement myself onto something solid.

Postcard: thank you for sharing.

AJ the greek

They are from the Bay area, specifically the leader is from Eastern Hillsborough county, possibly in Brandon or Valrico, I don't remember. I think she was formerly a Baptist-type at the Bell Shoals Mega-complex. She(Andrea Steele) is quite open and supportive and is writing a book on walking away from religion.

They do tons of family events, about once a month, such as family picnics at the Museum of Science and Industry over by USF.

But then again, this type of activity may be a type of separation from your husband. I would love to be able to do things like that too, but I am in a mixed marriage as well, and my child is way too young.

They have an Email list-serv on Yahoo-groups that announces the upcoming schedule. I am not going to be a total advertisement here, so if your interested, check them out on a google-search.

Good luck and don't forget who your real friends actually are, the ones who actually support you for who you are. Maybe they only exist online, maybe not. Other types are not really friends.

edit: Looked up the name of the nice lady that runs F_I_R, she posts here on II too, don't know her II name, though

beth

Thanks! I used to go to Bell Shoals when I was a kid. My cousin and her family all go there. I will look up FIR, thanks.

AJ the greek

Cool, I was hoping you wouldn't think I was a crazed stalker that knew where you lived....I don't know by the way, just the general area. I lived there for a little while and it caught my attention when you mentioned it one other time.

beth

No, I know I've mentioned my area before. Thanks for the advice, I especially like the idea of a group being in the Valrico, Brandon area.

HelenM

Hi Beth,

I just wanted to say - remember the power of choice is yours. If you decide "I will do this because it will make my relationships go more smoothly", then that is something you chose to do, based on your priorities. I understand that sometimes it seems there is no perfect solution. (Maybe there never is a perfect solution, actually) All we can do is look at the choices we have, consider what matters most to us, and make the choice which brings us closer to it. And, remember that's a daily choice, because relationships are not static things. They change. The things you feel you can't say today, you might be able to say next week or next year. Who knows.

It seems to me that you've learned a lot lately. Even if you decide to do some things that outwardly seem like backwards progress, bear in mind that you don't have to give up one thing you've learned.

I'm saying this because I struggle at times against despair and feeling powerless. I get to feeling I'm backed into a corner when I'm not. I forget how many choices I have. And I forget that if I do something because of a relationship, I chose to, which is actually a sign of strength rather than weakness.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you.

Helen

brighid

beth,

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. What you are enduring, is IMO, unconscionable and it isn't your fault. It is terribly disturbing that all these people who know and love you shun you now because you don't believe in their God. These actions say nothing about your own character, but much about the character of those who no longer respect you because ONE belief has changed. I know this doesn't make your ordeal easier.

If there is this God in Heaven judging people I can't imagine that He/She/It/They values dishonesty, especially dishonesty of belief. How could a benevolent being value such a thing? Honesty is a tough road, but self respect should know no bounds.

You could set a very positive example by forging your own way of righteousness in this community to demonstrate that lack of belief in their God does not make you immoral, disrespectful or unworthy of friendship, kindness and love. People worthy of your respect, love and trust will show themselves and those unworthy of those things will as well.

Trials such as this teach us painful, but very helpful lessons. They challenge the depths of our character and the strength of our resolve. They also reveal our weaknesses so we can have an opportunity to strengthen and better ourselves.

I know it is hard (because I have had to do it) but you can combat their ignorance and maltreatment with the concept of killing them with kindness. You haven't changed. It is their perception of you that has and this is their problem.

I cannot say that you will ever again have the extensive social circle you once had, but few things are impossible. I have certainly lost friends with the revelation of my lack of belief and as painful as that is I look to it as a positive thing. If I am not loved for who I actually am then I am being loved under false pretenses. I am who I am. I make no apologies about it and you can either love me or leave me. I know that isn't so easy when it comes to your family, but when it comes down to it I doubt your children love you any less.

You have to do what is right for you and no one hear can tell what that is. We don't have to walk in your shoes or deal with your pain. All we can do is give our perspective and hope that something in it will help you make an informed decision.

As Helen said you always have choices and no one can take that from you. Be strong, talk her all you need and do your best to make rational, informed decisions.

Hugs,
Brighid

scumble

beth, I hope you have the strength to find your own way through this.
As others have said, you need real friends, people who love you and not what you supposedly "represent" to them. It almost seems that real people mean nothing to the more extreme christians.
I've not experienced anything like it myself, but my heart goes out to you. I don't think you deserve to be shunned, or discarded.

Godless Dave

Beth, my first reaction is to say "Don't do it!" But that's easy for me to say; I come from a family that doesn't go to church, few of my friends are Christian, and I live in a big city. You have the misfortune of being one of the few non-Christians in your community and the only one in your family. Plus the Christianity they espouse is one of the simplistic, exclusivist versions. I really don't know what the answer is for you. But I hope you can find a way to be at peace and still be honest with yourself. It sounds like a nightmare.

Dave

beth

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I still am trying to weigh my options. I do not agree with a lot of teaching in Christianity, the bigotry against homosexuals being the biggest thing, but I was like that years ago and had gay friends growing up and I was friends with a lesbian couple who lived near me. Somehow I was able to combine the two.

I emailed the head of Families In Reason and registered in the forum there. Perhaps I can go to a couple of outings. Maybe if I can get my children around secularists, it will do them a little good. They are quite miffed that mommy is an atheist right now.

I've got some time, so I don't want to jump headlong into anything else right now.