Loki

*hug*

I, too, deconverted from Christianity. It can be a traumatic experience to shed what was once such an integral facet of oneself.

I found it was very beneficial to keep a journal of the experience. Reading literature of both sides, as well as other religions helped me, and this web board, because it had a high concentration of non-theist folk, which was lacking IRL.

Best of luck,
Loki

EspressoSnail

I didn't deconvert, I never really believed in the first place. I can remember when I was around 5 or 6 talking to my babysitter's husband about how stupid noah's ark and other things were. I went to chruch because my parents made me and I got doughnuts on sundays before sunday school, but it was mainly because my parents made me. I used to sit in chruch and just read the bible because if I listened to the pastor I would have fallen asleep (that happened a couple of times... why on earth do they have to do that stuff in the morning?) and I stood up to sing but that's rather mindless stuff. I don't understand how some people can believe all that stuff... *shrugs* but hey it's their life and they can do what they want, I just wish they'd leave me alone.

Kilted Canuck

When I grew up, my parents decided that I would choose what to do with my spiritual life. I eventually decided that, as I had lived the world was all my life, the world was how it was, goverend by physics, gravity etc., not some all powerful being that controled everything. I thank my parents for not forcing any religion on me, so I never had to 'de-convert'.

Treacle Worshipper

ReasonableDoubt,
I am a Christian "deconvert", I had the experience you describe about 16 months ago. A bit like suddenly being drenched in ice-cold water, yes?

After the initial shock, I read as much as I could about other religions. I strongly recommend doing this. It gives an overview of the whole religious idea. (I personally found that most religions are based on "do these things and you will have a better deal in the next life".)

I enjoyed reading the "Gnostic Gospels" & I second Seb-Maya's recommendation of it. If you are struggling with the more personal aspects of deconverting, "Leaving The Fold" by Marlene Winell is well worth reading. There are also support sites on the web, such as Losing My Religion. And finally, you might want to look at the "Atheist testimony" thread here in SL&S.

TW

lpetrich

EspressoSnail's experience reminds me of Acts 20:9-10, where a young man named Eutychus fell asleep while listening to one of Paul's sermons and fell out of the window. We are told that Paul then went downstairs and revived him.

DamagedGoods

ReasonableDoubt,

I stopped praying about 3 and a half years ago, and stopped reading the bible 6 months later. I figured I had already had my fill - I had worked my ass off for ten years trying to get the religion thing to work. It was a most spectacular failure, and I've 'drifted back' to the agnosticism that I held before I got involved with a fundie group.

I think that reading something other than the bible helped a lot - I picked up the occasional philosophy book and got myself back into math and science, my favorite subjects. I read things just for pure enjoyment (I got hooked on Terry Pratchett's Discworld books - hilarious stuff). I stopped hanging out with religious people and only associated myself with people that I enjoyed being around.

All during that time, I kept the attitude that if God really wanted to get my attention, that I wouldn't be opposed to it. I'm all ears and eyes and whatever, but I've just never seen a compelling reason to accept as true any of the religious beliefs I was sold over the course of my life. Maybe that's why it wasn't so frightening - it's not that I was actively seeking a reason to 'avoid God' (as my former fundie associates might say), it's just that I've looked and looked and He's nowhere to be found. And the time eventually came to call off the search.

Lurking here at SecWeb helped a lot too - it's nice to know that other people have been through the same thing, and came to the same general conclusions, and that they're not the crazed, demon-possessed, kitten-soup-eating evil people that atheists are purported to be.

I'm not so sure if my perspective will be at all helpful to you. I hope I didn't ramble too much.

EspressoSnail

Moral of the story: Don't sleep near windows.

ShabbyChick

Reasonabledoubt -

Your OP is VERY similar to how my husband recounts his deconversion experience. He is a scientist and looks back and doesn't understand why his critical thinking skills seemed to vanish when it came to his religion. He actually talks about how he used to feel so lucky that he was born into the one true religion and how he now can almost kick himself for the things he formerly believed.

So to answer your question, YES, other's do feel very much the same as you.

Beetle

Hi, Reasonabledoubt. I'm with you on this because I'm pretty much going through the same thing. I became a christian in 1986 at age 17 in college (thanks, campus crusade) and never seriously questioned it until a couple of years ago. That's when I ran into some of the questions about Luke's historical accuracy. Having a degree in history, my "critical thinking" brain went to work on the Bible. It was the first time I'd ever examined the Bible the way that I do any other "historic" work that I read, and the results were less than satisfying. I ended up with a whole list of doctrinal elements that I had signed off on that I couldn't honestly say I believed (literal Adam & Eve, the sun stops when people raise their arms, homosexuals are evil, condemning a human for all eternity is just)

Ever since then, I've been going very slowly - a few books on apologetics and lots of not thinking about things. The issue was complicated by the fact that I was a deacon in my church when this started. Things started going faster when I found this site, started lurking and then began posting. But I still described myself as somebody who was "questioning" what I believe.

I've been doing spring cleaning recently, and it dawned on me that I had put most of my religious books and music in storage (or got rid of them). This, combined with the fact that I haven't taken communion in about a year, never open the Bible or pray anymore, or take the evangelical side in relgious arguments anymore, made me realize that despite they way I've been describing myself, I've already de-facto deconverted.

It's scary. The guide I've lived life by for the past 17 years has collapsed. But it's very liberating too. I never realized how into intellectual dishonesty I was until now.

So, Reasonabledoubt, you're definately not alone in this. I hope you've found this forum to be has helpful as I have.

jj

Hm, I was raised in a theist household, but I always kept asking questions...

And eventually, I guess I'd have to say I got disgusted with a lot of the answers.

I didn't help that where I lived, I got to see a lot of "do as I say, not as I do" "Christians", too.