Freethought & Rationalism Archive

DamagedGoods · 05-07-2003, 04:24 PM

KitKit,

I get accused of being too absorbed in my work sometimes, and that's usually because I actually do.

Like you I sometimes work with II open in the background, but I just make sure my wife sees a representative amount of work stuff up as well.

Pyrrho · 05-07-2003, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KitKit
who thinks i'm obsessed?

well, my husband mentioned it. and a very good friend (who is atheist) mentioned it, but she didn't use the term obsessed. and another friend said something about being worried about me. and other than that, no one yet, but when the subject arises with anyone else, which is very well could, i'd like to know how to approach is so that i can reassure them that it is healthy to want to learn more and that i am not obsessed, just curious.

and of course it may look like i am spending a lot more time online reading stuff than i really am because i do graphic design work & i leave the window open in the background & get to it when i am at a stopping point with what i am working on.

of course every time i walk by my husband's computer there is something on there about harley davidsons. so i made sure to tell him i thought maybe he was "obsessed" with motorcycles. and his response was "i am looking at facts about bikes & riding, not just reading stuff about religion that someone wrote on the internet" (building a case for him to buy a bike, no doubt) don't ask me why his imformation is facts & mine is just "stuff people wrote".

You mean to say that you never noticed before that men tend to suppose that what interests them is important, and what interests women is not? And that the subject of the interest is irrelevant: After all, many men regard religion as important, and not motorcycles? You didn't really believe he regarded you as being equal to him, did you? You read "stuff", he reads "facts". What could be clearer than that?

Quote:

Originally posted by KitKit

that's sound advice. next time someone mentions it i will ask what about my behavior seems obsessive & then address those concerns appropriately.

thank you.

so i assume from everyone's posts that no one has encountered this problem. hmmm, i was hoping for some personaly accounts of this kind of situtation & the outcomes.

You may be "obsessed" with matters of religion, but I wouldn't guess that based on your husband's comments, or, for that matter, the other comments you have heard. People are very funny about religion (you surely have noticed that), and some may imagine that you are contemplating joining a cult or something. So they may be inappropriately worried.

Besides, you just read "stuff", and your husband reads "facts". Surely, you are not going to simply trust his judgment. Be independent, and think for yourself. (I am glad my address and other such information is not readily available at this site, as your husband may wish to kill me for saying such things.)

How much time do you devote to these matters? And how long have you been devoting that amount of time to it? And does it prevent you from doing the things that you need to do? (HINT: What you need to do and what your husband wants you to do are probably not identical.) The last question is the most important, and you need to know what you need to do, and what you don't need to do, in order to answer it properly.

If it is of any help, you are not obviously crazy from what you have said so far. Have you left out anything that we should know, or are you simply trusting the judgment of others, who are biased, rather than your own judgment?

KitKit · 05-07-2003, 07:18 PM

Quote:

If it is of any help, you are not obviously crazy from what you have said so far. Have you left out anything that we should know, or are you simply trusting the judgment of others, who are biased, rather than your own judgment?

i did bite the heads off some chickens last night. do you think that means anything?

The Other Michael · 05-07-2003, 08:04 PM

Hi KitKit,

You may want to point out that it is normal for people who develop a new interest to go through a period where they put a lot of effort into obtaining information on the new interest - the novelty is no doubt a big factor.

It seems to work that way for hobbies - how many people get interested in something and seem to "go overboard" at the start, as they try to get up to speed on the subject so they can communicate meaningfully with other people interested in the hobby?

Your "mania of the moment" just happens to be religious stuff - you'll probably find that after a period your "mania" will diminish a bit. That isn't to say that you'll drop the subject, just that once the thrill of immersing yourself in new information abates a bit, you may not seem obsessed. Of course, it may be that your new interest becomes an all-consuming passion in your life, in which case obsession may not be an inappropriate term.

And feel free to point out to your husband that there are many motorcyclists that view H-D owners as "obsessive", especially when it comes to the the pursuit of shiney gew-gaws with which to bedeck their often overweight and underpowered steeds.

cheers,
Michael
(who has somewhere in excess of 40 (non-HD) project bikes, and so may be considered a bit obsessive)

2tadpoles · 05-07-2003, 10:42 PM

Kitkit, I went through the exact same thing. I was never religious, and always considered myself to be agnostic (even as a teen). About three years ago I got really interested in religion. Moving to fundyland may have had something to with it. At about the same time, we pulled our oldest child out of school and began homeschooling, AND my son wanted to join the Cub Scouts. All of a sudden, I felt like religion was being thrown in my face every time I turned around, and I revolted.

Anyway, I spent an insane amount of time on the Internet looking up religious stuff, and came to the conclusion that I am a sort of pantheist. I believe in nature, and "the force" (Jedi style)and that's about it. So then I became a bit obsessed with pantheism and learning all about it. I joined a UU church for a while (until we moved again). All the while, I was also spending a lot of time researching the history of education and the role of schooling in our society. My husband was feeling like he was living with a stranger.

I am also the sort that doesn't mind getting in someone's face when they make idiotic assumptions about secular folk or home education, so I got into a few spats with people. I've simmered down quite a bit. I think you will eventually learn much of what you want to learn and then get a bit tired of the subject.... kind of like playing a video game until you finally beat the game, then you forget about it.

Pyrrho · 05-08-2003, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KitKit
i did bite the heads off some chickens last night. do you think that means anything?

Isn't that considered normal behavior in Texas?

KitKit · 05-08-2003, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pyrrho
Isn't that considered normal behavior in Texas?

no that's rattlesnakes or if you are an ozzy fan it would be bats, of course.

what grade did you make in social studies?

Ennazus · 05-08-2003, 01:24 PM

I have a similar problem with my husband. He's an atheist too, but thinks I spend too much time/effort on atheism study. I like to read boards, write letters to newspapers and read atheism books. (to name a few things) He would just as soon skip all of that, so he thinks I am "obsessed". I cross "In god we trust" off of my paper money and he thinks that's way over-the-top.

He would be happy to just continue ignoring religion entirely and I just can't. I can't get past the fact that these mega-mall -sized churches have so much money and don't pay a penny in taxes. They want a hand in government, but don't want to fork over any money? That infuriates me. Maybe I am obsessed after all.

KitKit · 05-08-2003, 01:31 PM

then that brings me to the question...

what's the difference between obsession & dedication?

Ennazus · 05-08-2003, 01:34 PM

That's a good question. "Obsessed" has a negative connotation and "dedicated" has a positive one. Isn't that really the only difference?

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05-07-2003, 04:24 PM	#11
DamagedGoods Regular Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Norfolk, VA, USA Posts: 219	KitKit, I get accused of being too absorbed in my work sometimes, and that's usually because I actually do. Like you I sometimes work with II open in the background, but I just make sure my wife sees a representative amount of work stuff up as well.

05-07-2003, 08:04 PM	#14
The Other Michael Honorary Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: In the fog of San Francisco Posts: 12,631	Hi KitKit, You may want to point out that it is normal for people who develop a new interest to go through a period where they put a lot of effort into obtaining information on the new interest - the novelty is no doubt a big factor. It seems to work that way for hobbies - how many people get interested in something and seem to "go overboard" at the start, as they try to get up to speed on the subject so they can communicate meaningfully with other people interested in the hobby? Your "mania of the moment" just happens to be religious stuff - you'll probably find that after a period your "mania" will diminish a bit. That isn't to say that you'll drop the subject, just that once the thrill of immersing yourself in new information abates a bit, you may not seem obsessed. Of course, it may be that your new interest becomes an all-consuming passion in your life, in which case obsession may not be an inappropriate term. And feel free to point out to your husband that there are many motorcyclists that view H-D owners as "obsessive", especially when it comes to the the pursuit of shiney gew-gaws with which to bedeck their often overweight and underpowered steeds. cheers, Michael (who has somewhere in excess of 40 (non-HD) project bikes, and so may be considered a bit obsessive)

05-07-2003, 10:42 PM	#15
2tadpoles Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: next door to H.P. Lovecraft Posts: 565	Kitkit, I went through the exact same thing. I was never religious, and always considered myself to be agnostic (even as a teen). About three years ago I got really interested in religion. Moving to fundyland may have had something to with it. At about the same time, we pulled our oldest child out of school and began homeschooling, AND my son wanted to join the Cub Scouts. All of a sudden, I felt like religion was being thrown in my face every time I turned around, and I revolted. Anyway, I spent an insane amount of time on the Internet looking up religious stuff, and came to the conclusion that I am a sort of pantheist. I believe in nature, and "the force" (Jedi style)and that's about it. So then I became a bit obsessed with pantheism and learning all about it. I joined a UU church for a while (until we moved again). All the while, I was also spending a lot of time researching the history of education and the role of schooling in our society. My husband was feeling like he was living with a stranger. I am also the sort that doesn't mind getting in someone's face when they make idiotic assumptions about secular folk or home education, so I got into a few spats with people. I've simmered down quite a bit. I think you will eventually learn much of what you want to learn and then get a bit tired of the subject.... kind of like playing a video game until you finally beat the game, then you forget about it.

05-08-2003, 01:24 PM	#18
Ennazus Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Chicago 'burbs Posts: 1,242	I have a similar problem with my husband. He's an atheist too, but thinks I spend too much time/effort on atheism study. I like to read boards, write letters to newspapers and read atheism books. (to name a few things) He would just as soon skip all of that, so he thinks I am "obsessed". I cross "In god we trust" off of my paper money and he thinks that's way over-the-top. He would be happy to just continue ignoring religion entirely and I just can't. I can't get past the fact that these mega-mall -sized churches have so much money and don't pay a penny in taxes. They want a hand in government, but don't want to fork over any money? That infuriates me. Maybe I am obsessed after all.

05-08-2003, 01:31 PM	#19
KitKit Regular Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: earth Posts: 142	then that brings me to the question... what's the difference between obsession & dedication?

05-08-2003, 01:34 PM	#20
Ennazus Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Chicago 'burbs Posts: 1,242	That's a good question. "Obsessed" has a negative connotation and "dedicated" has a positive one. Isn't that really the only difference?

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