Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Howard · 07-17-2003, 04:34 AM

If there were an award called, "The Dumbest Argument by a Married Couple" I have no doubt that my wife and I would win it. As evidence I offer a recent heated debate we had over twist ties. Specifically, over the proper way to tighten the ties. My contention, the correct one I believe, is that clockwise tightens and counter clockwise loosens - the old, "righty tighty, lefty loosey" rule.

My wife, a closet anarchist, argues that either way is acceptable. (With relativistic attitudes like that being so prevalent, it's no wonder this country is headed down a moral sewer.) At this point many people will be thinking, "Isn't that a pretty trivial thing to fight over?" However, long-time married couples know that people get bored arguing about the same old things; we have to come up with new, albeit ridiculous things to argue about. It�s what keeps marriages fresh and exciting� and divorce attorneys busy.

Furthermore, this is not as trivial a matter as it initially appears. When you go to un-tighten a twist tie, and you assume it's tied a certain way but it's not, then you are tightening rather than loosening it. By the time you realize this, you have not only wasted precious seconds of your life, but your stress level has gone up dramatically. If this situation occurs frequently, sooner or later you're going to snap and your neighbors will be interviewed on TV saying things like, "He seemed real quiet, the last guy you'd suspect would run his wife through the wood chipper."

Anyhow, during the course of the argument my wife brought out a loaf of bread (hereinafter referred to as exhibit A) which was tightened in the counter clockwise mode. She claimed it was untouched since she bought it. Naturally, I refused to accept this at face value so I stormed off to the grocery store and headed straight for the bread aisle. Sure enough the twist tie on that particular brand was as she suggested. However, a random inspection of ten other brands revealed a clockwise tightening, so I purchased them all (hereinafter referred to as exhibits B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J and K).

When I returned home and presented her with exhibits B through K, her only comment was, "You're out of your freaking mind." A clear indication, to me at least, that I'd won the debate. But I didn't stop there. I also wrote a rather pointed letter to the president of the company that produced exhibit A, explaining to him that their twist tie method was wrong and was jeopardizing the moral fabric of this country. I told him to stop this practice immediately or I would take drastic action.

He wrote me back a very nice letter suggesting that I was out of my freaking mind and that if I contacted him again he would turn the whole thing over to his attorneys. Come to think of it, it really wasn't a very nice letter. Nevertheless, I refuse to give in because I know that I am right in this matter. I also know that I am going to be eating a hell of a lot of sandwiches for the next few weeks.

lunachick · 07-17-2003, 04:50 AM

*falls off chair laughing*

*gets back up again to type previous sentence. and this one, too*

You're priceless, Howard.

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

Loki · 07-17-2003, 05:05 AM

*laughs till a stitch forms*

Oh dear god, that's precious. Exhibits B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J, AND K!

What did you do with all the extra bread?

Enai · 07-17-2003, 05:18 AM

Hehehe! I almost died laughing!

Enai

pz · 07-17-2003, 06:03 AM

Hey, this sounds familiar. I'm on the anarchist side in my family, and I go even farther than Howard's wife: I say once you've consumed a number of slices of bread, you can throw the twist tie away altogether, because the end of the wrapper is long enough that you can just give it a twist and seal everything up just fine.

My wife, on the other hand, must have a twist tie on every open plastic bag. She actually buys extra twist ties because she knows I'll be throwing them away.

We haven't yet broken out into open warfare yet, but the other day I did overhear her telling the kids to start conserving twist ties. She was complaining about a "twist tie gap". I think she's gathering her allies.

Godless Dave · 07-17-2003, 06:11 AM

For a long time I saved twist ties instead of throwing them away, on the principle that "I might need them for something" (not sure if that's OCD or my thrifty Scottish heritage). I have a decent-sized pile now. Think your wife will buy them for 10 cents each, pz?

pz · 07-17-2003, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Godless Dave
For a long time I saved twist ties instead of throwing them away, on the principle that "I might need them for something" (not sure if that's OCD or my thrifty Scottish heritage). I have a decent-sized pile now. Think your wife will buy them for 10 cents each, pz?

Go ahead. Try and bargain with my wife -- you'll end up paying her to help cart them away for you.

nogods4me · 07-17-2003, 06:19 AM

To avoid such problems might I suggest that you buy a staple gun and use it to close the bread.

kwigibo · 07-17-2003, 06:40 AM

Bread here doesn't have twisty ties, but plastic clips that must have saved many anarcho-anal marriages. We truly are the lucky country.

christ-on-a-stick · 07-17-2003, 08:40 AM

Quote:

When I returned home and presented her with exhibits B through K, her only comment was, "You're out of your freaking mind."

07-17-2003, 04:34 AM	#1
Howard Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Orlando, Fl Posts: 5,864	The Great Twist Tie Debate If there were an award called, "The Dumbest Argument by a Married Couple" I have no doubt that my wife and I would win it. As evidence I offer a recent heated debate we had over twist ties. Specifically, over the proper way to tighten the ties. My contention, the correct one I believe, is that clockwise tightens and counter clockwise loosens - the old, "righty tighty, lefty loosey" rule. My wife, a closet anarchist, argues that either way is acceptable. (With relativistic attitudes like that being so prevalent, it's no wonder this country is headed down a moral sewer.) At this point many people will be thinking, "Isn't that a pretty trivial thing to fight over?" However, long-time married couples know that people get bored arguing about the same old things; we have to come up with new, albeit ridiculous things to argue about. It�s what keeps marriages fresh and exciting� and divorce attorneys busy. Furthermore, this is not as trivial a matter as it initially appears. When you go to un-tighten a twist tie, and you assume it's tied a certain way but it's not, then you are tightening rather than loosening it. By the time you realize this, you have not only wasted precious seconds of your life, but your stress level has gone up dramatically. If this situation occurs frequently, sooner or later you're going to snap and your neighbors will be interviewed on TV saying things like, "He seemed real quiet, the last guy you'd suspect would run his wife through the wood chipper." Anyhow, during the course of the argument my wife brought out a loaf of bread (hereinafter referred to as exhibit A) which was tightened in the counter clockwise mode. She claimed it was untouched since she bought it. Naturally, I refused to accept this at face value so I stormed off to the grocery store and headed straight for the bread aisle. Sure enough the twist tie on that particular brand was as she suggested. However, a random inspection of ten other brands revealed a clockwise tightening, so I purchased them all (hereinafter referred to as exhibits B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J and K). When I returned home and presented her with exhibits B through K, her only comment was, "You're out of your freaking mind." A clear indication, to me at least, that I'd won the debate. But I didn't stop there. I also wrote a rather pointed letter to the president of the company that produced exhibit A, explaining to him that their twist tie method was wrong and was jeopardizing the moral fabric of this country. I told him to stop this practice immediately or I would take drastic action. He wrote me back a very nice letter suggesting that I was out of my freaking mind and that if I contacted him again he would turn the whole thing over to his attorneys. Come to think of it, it really wasn't a very nice letter. Nevertheless, I refuse to give in because I know that I am right in this matter. I also know that I am going to be eating a hell of a lot of sandwiches for the next few weeks.

07-17-2003, 05:18 AM	#4
Enai Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Germany Posts: 1,479	Too funny Hehehe! I almost died laughing! Enai

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07-17-2003, 04:50 AM	#2
lunachick Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: NZ Posts: 7,895	falls off chair laughing gets back up again to type previous sentence. and this one, too You're priceless, Howard. :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

07-17-2003, 05:05 AM	#3
Loki Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Land of hippies and fog Posts: 2,075	laughs till a stitch forms Oh dear god, that's precious. Exhibits B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J, AND K! What did you do with all the extra bread?

07-17-2003, 06:03 AM	#5
pz Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Morris, MN Posts: 3,341	Hey, this sounds familiar. I'm on the anarchist side in my family, and I go even farther than Howard's wife: I say once you've consumed a number of slices of bread, you can throw the twist tie away altogether, because the end of the wrapper is long enough that you can just give it a twist and seal everything up just fine. My wife, on the other hand, must have a twist tie on every open plastic bag. She actually buys extra twist ties because she knows I'll be throwing them away. We haven't yet broken out into open warfare yet, but the other day I did overhear her telling the kids to start conserving twist ties. She was complaining about a "twist tie gap". I think she's gathering her allies.

07-17-2003, 06:11 AM	#6
Godless Dave Contributor Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: With 10,000 lakes who needs a coast? Posts: 10,762	For a long time I saved twist ties instead of throwing them away, on the principle that "I might need them for something" (not sure if that's OCD or my thrifty Scottish heritage). I have a decent-sized pile now. Think your wife will buy them for 10 cents each, pz?

07-17-2003, 06:19 AM	#8
nogods4me Contributor Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Baltimore, MD USA Posts: 17,432	To avoid such problems might I suggest that you buy a staple gun and use it to close the bread.

07-17-2003, 06:40 AM	#9
kwigibo Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Gold Coast, QLD, Australia Posts: 5,814	Bread here doesn't have twisty ties, but plastic clips that must have saved many anarcho-anal marriages. We truly are the lucky country.

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