brighid

Thanks COAS!!

I think you are right. We are suppose to be humble, almost to the point of self-deprication. I don't understand it. I also hate how women nit-pick the beauty of other women. Instead of saying, "Wow, she is really pretty ... I love her outfit ... I wish I had legs like that it ..." You will here ..."Her boobs must be fake ... Oh my Gawd ... could her outfit be any tighter ... Look at those roots ... " and seek to find any flaw because some feel threatened by it.

I saw screw the self-deprication. I am a beautiful woman, despite some cellulite hanging around, the occasional zit, my roots showing today ... etc. There is no reason to be threatened because I am not interested in your man, and if your man IS interested enough in me to contemplating leaving you ... dump his ass cuz he ain't worth your time ... snap, snap!

Brighid

brighid

You crack me up! No, you aren't all losers

Brighid

christ-on-a-stick

ROFL.... I totally just envisioned you doing that!

brighid

Hey - I am here to please ... and Godless Dave ... don't go there

But it's the truth, isn't it? There is nothing wrong with taking notice of a beautiful person, but when if some guy whips around to look at you and practically falls all over himself WHILE with his SO ... all I can say is DOG ... Or if he spends more time obvioulsy flirting with me and ignoring his girlfriend ... hey don't hate me ... he deserves a proper ass kicking when he gets home ... in the figurative sense that is ... or if you are of the mind ... right there in public.

ONCE a date did that to me ... and I had flown all the way the hell to DC to be with his ass and paid for the ticket myself ... and he does a 360 with a pant and a drool over some girl ... I was like ... NO you did not ... excuse me ... he also learned that some girls don't punch like girls ... had I been home I would have left him right there. Show some damned respect because it's not as if I am Ms. Purina Dog Chow

Sorry .... couldn't help myself!

B

christ-on-a-stick

Whoo-boy, he definitely picked the wrong girl to disrespect that way!

I agree totally (again)... a look and (internal) appreciation is one thing, but a whiplash-inducing turn and drool is ridiculous. I had a boyfriend once, oh so many moons ago, who had that habit (not quite that outrageous but definitely obvious) so I started doing the same thing, real over-the-top, and after a couple times he finally "got it" (quite sheepishly!) He was a lot better after that although I ended up dumping him anyway... immaturity can manifest itself in SO many other ways. Ah well...

brighid

He sure did. It's not like we weren't seeing other people, or even had a committment, but I flew out to see him and only had a few days to spend with him ... the least he could have done was paid me the respect I am due. And he only got cocked (again GD ... I know where you are going with that one) because he even started walking backwards to check out this chick ... uhhhhh ...

His comment was ....uhhhh ...gapping ....chest ...wound ... I can't breathe ....uhhhhh ... fucking right you can't breathe ... let me just say after that weekend he and I didn't see anymore of each other!! I am so bad ... so bad I know ... but spanking doesn't work as punishment ....

Oh ...yes, how can I count the ways that immaturity manifests itself in certain individuals!

B

Viti

Don't hate me because I am beautiful, hate me because I am a bitch

trillian

I have also seen the negatives of being "pretty". I remember a party where my friend yelled at me driving home because the hostess of the party was fuming because her husband was talking to me. What?!!!! I asked my friend if the woman would have been mad had I looked like a troll. She had to admit, no. Somehow she still thought that I had to respect my inadvertant ability to attract men. What?!!!

Funny thing is that most of the time I don't "get it" when another girls guy is being flirty. Call me naive. I always just assume we are having a normal conversation.

Whatever.

My current boyfriend didn't think he had a chance in hell. I never thought I'd meet such a smart guy. I'm not even attracted to sterotypically "attractive" men. Looks are overrated.

trillian

LianaLi

Heh. It really was just a note on relearning that people find me attractive because I am an interesting person as well as someone who has a pleasing appearance. The last boyfriend did not reinforce the belief that I was able to attract him.

I'm glad to know that. I'm trying NOT to learn the hard way that being too nice means some guys will continue pushing until you tell them "No. No. No" ad nauseam. It's a fine line to walk between being too nice and firmly respectful while not hurting the other person's feelings. I guess the objective is not to hurt them as much as possible.

See, that's been a problem I've been struggling with since I was a teen. I suck at balancing being friendly and flirty. For me, my friendly mode is being flirty for most people. It took me years to figure that one out, and many accusiations of leading guys on, before that little light bulb went off. So I'm learning to make it fairly obvious that I'm just a flirt. I've tried not flirting, and that is just downright painful. I can't have a sense of humor, I can't make jokes, I can't pantomine, no wit, no sacrasam..... I just can't do it!

Wow, what part of "I realize one hundred percent that being very pretty completely skews my view of the social scene. If this bothers you, read no more. I don't have time to hear about 'oh, shut up, you get more out of life than the rest of us average people do.' " didn't you understand? I'm trying to learn how to interact with people as an attractive woman. If you think being attractive suddenly solves every person's social problem, and all the attractive people flutter through these charmed lives, so that I have nothing to bitch about whatsoever, please, don't read this thread. You have no idea of the problems I'm trying to deal with, nor do you even have a mind that open and willing to understand that sometimes, there is such a thing as too much attention.

That whole scenario has puzzled me for months. I've never gotten a really good definitive answer for it. Some of those women I met later, at another italian event, and they seemed nice enough then. It was just a splash of shockingly cold water, after the warm reception I'd been getting the last few weeks as I attended. Despite the fact that I'd also been a total stranger except to one or two people during those first few weeks, the guys seemed to welcome me ok, as did the older group of professors and older students. I only got the cold reception from my gender and age group, which I never could figure out why.

Sorry about that. Kung fu is another growing frustration, and the comment I made was misleading. I have a former friend in there, who suddenly developed an accute dislike of me shortly around the time I got my black belt. To make a very long story short, she blames me for 'stealing' all her friends. As she puts it, "whenever I introduce Liana to a group of people, they all like Liana better than they like me." Actually, there's a very long history between the two of us, and many reasons why she might not like me so much that she can barely bring herself to give me a polite greeting when I walk in the door. There's also the fact that I had a longer relationship with her exboyfriend, which somehow defacto makes me the better girlfriend. There's the fact that she used me as a go between in her and his relationship, which put me in a very awkward position, and refused to awknowledge just what she was doing to me. There's all sorts of reasons why she could dislike me, and they all boil down to "Liana threatens my insecurities, I must dislike her." It's annoying, because I don't want to play politics in kung fu.

Another example from last night, although it isn't as extreme. This guy I was interested as a dance partner gave a drunk girl a ride home. A group of us, three girls including myself, tried to figure out what was going on. Personally, I thought he was just a nice guy, and gave her a ride home. My reasoning for this? Having danced with him for quite a bit, he did not try anything to push his luck with me, no copping a feel or anything like that at all. They thought something might have been going on with guy and drunk girl, which didn't jive. He enjoyed interacting far too much with a good dance partner, that I couldn't see him trying to score with someone who could barely respond to him. Why would those girls suggest that sort of thing to me? I'm not really sure. They could just be young- they were all 21 or under. Somehow, being 22 and intelligent makes me able to discern behaviour patterns better than they were, because when I saw him the next day, he profusely appologized for leaving so abruptly, and we talked some more about taking dance classes together. So.

I hate the politics women play.

Edited to add: He also explained why he left so abruptly and confirmed my suspicions that he was just another nice guy. He couldn't get a hold of her friends, so he just gave her a ride home.

I actually don't gain weight, unless it's muscle mass. Trust me, I've tried. Recent stress has made me drop 5 pounds. Whenever I want to escape it, I just put on my glasses, which are coke bottle lenses, and a T-shirt. Reminds me again, just how shallow attractions can be.


Brighid: Thanks *hugs* I'm trying to learn the best way to interact with people, and unlearn some of the things I didn't realize that I had aquired with the ex. Like I was completely unaware just HOW much other gusy were attracted to me, until I started going out in the last few weeks. Apparently, ex was just a funny abberation. Now, realistically, because I can switch so dramatically back and forth between exotic babe and nerdy chick (a matter of glasses and opening up my mouth to talk about those issues I really love, and bore people to death with), I try not to let this go to my head, and learn who's worth knowing. It's been an interesting process. On top of dealing with everything else.

Oh, you mean the, you're pretty therefore, men must fall at your feet worshipping you, and trying to give you everything your selfish little heart could desire, therfore your life must lack for nothing. What do you mean pretty women don't lead a charmed life? That attitude? Boy, do I fucking hate it. What I really love is the concited/slut dichotomy. If you admit to knowing your own attractiveness, you're concieted. If you don't know you're own attractiveness, then you're leading men on by being so nice, and are a slut/bitch as a result. That one's realllly fun. :rollseyes: Trillian posts a wonderful example of it.

Yes, because Trillian1 is supposed to be in complete and total control of how the hostess's husband reacts to her. If he finds her too attractive to leave alone, then it is Trillian1's fault for not quelling her own attractiveness and smacking him about the head for not thinking straight. Of course, who could blame the man, he was too dazzled by that tease, Trillian1.

I hate that attitude.

-Liana

Buddrow_Wilson

Damn Girl! Im with ya!! One time my I caught my girlfriend checking out some dude...I didn't think twice about bitchslapping her across the face so hard her nose bled. She was like "ouch" and crying and stuff. I was all like "Teach you to look at other dudes" LOL. You know where I'm coming from right? She got what she deserved! No? How odd?