The Stranger

The last time my mother told me she loved me was like 2 years ago this month.

so I tell my girlfriend I love her all the time just so she knows.

MrFrosty

Hi LadyShea,

I should have been a bit clearer. I was talking about the ppl who always crave attention for attention's sake; the kind who always think the universe revolves around them and wish to be at the centre of everybody else's universe. If you go to a social occasion, there is usu. at least one such individual who is a loudmouth and has an agenda along the lines of wishing to receive as much praise / attention as possible. Bear in mind that criticism can also kill such ppl. They basically require validation from others. I am ofc referring to an extreme attention whore.

IMO. there is nothing wrong in actually saying (and expressing) "I love you" TO somebody. However, if you always need to hear it FROM someone, and it can be indirectly through compliments and praise, then there is probably an issue that needs to be resolved. I wasn't accusing anybody here in this thread of being needy, far from it.

My point was that I would much rather be me (somebody who does not need / require affection) than the above person. The rationale being that the status quo is far, far easier to maintain than trying to court ppl's attention and affection constantly in day-to-day life. So, in a sense, my way is actually more emotionally healthy because there is less maintenance involved -- well, actually, there is ZERO maintenance in my case.

Some of the posters have pointed out that they know others who are of a similar disposition to myself. I can't really say whether or not I would still be the same way if I had received lots of affection and hugs in childhood -- the whole nature vs nurture debate -- but I will never know and, as stated in the hugs thread, I can't miss what I've never experienced. But, it does raise an interesting question of how I would raise my own children, if I did have any in future, esp. when you factor in how their mother would also address the situation. Anyway, very interesting thread.

Monkeybot

We say it a lot. I used to regard it as a routinized ritual, until my Mom's father died. Something about watching my mom bury her father made me realize, holy shit, someday I'm probably going to be doing that.

Now I say it a lot more to my parents and sister. I feel like it's really important to let them know before it's too late, as weird as that might sound. Like LadyShea says -- life is too short to not let people know how important they are to you.

Shake

Growing up it was extremely rare to be said in my family. It'd be said more to me than me saying it. One of the exceptions would be after some "traumatic" event which got some of us upset at one another. I was never good at opening up about my feelings. We were affectionate with each other, but never really said the words much.

When I really started saying it more was with the gf that ended up becoming my wife. She says it to all of her family. It struck me as a little odd. She explained that you never knew if a particular time would be the last time you'd see/talk to someone, so it was good to have that as the last thing you'd said. When I got comfortable enough in our relationship to say "I love you" to her, then we started saying it to each other all the time. Now, even if I'm just leaving the house to go pick up pizza (less than .5 miles away), it's the last thing I say before I shut the door. On the phone, it's either, "Bye. Love you." or "Love you. Bye." Also, now that we've been married a few years (7.5!), we still will just say it to each other randomly during the day. She's got me saying it a bit more to other family members, although it still feels a bit weird (habit I'm sure).

Still being relatively new parents, our son is 2.3333..., we tell him that we love him all the time! But then I think it's different with children.

wildernesse

My parents say "I love you" all the time to me, as well as grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.. . Both sides of my family are very affectionate--not just words, but hugs and kisses when we meet and leave each other.

I often hold my parents' hands if we go out someplace together. Other family too, like grandparents.

My brother, on the other hand, rarely hugs/kisses/"I love you"s to me--but that's because I'm his annoying big sister. With our grandparents, he's more huggy.


--tibac

Ab_Normal

My parents were not demonstrative. (I remember seeing them kiss once. Somehow, they managed to have five children.) I want to tell my Mom I love her, but I end up like Fonzie - it just won't come out. However, I hugged her a lot as a teenager (still do), and have almost-fond memories of my dad yelling, "Quit leaning on your mother, you great cow." Mom said in conversation a few weeks ago that she almost needed written permission to touch Dad. My husband nodded knowingly. (No, he doesn't need a note from me, but I require warning.)

But in my little family unit (me + husband + daughter), we're very huggy (as long as nobody sneaks up on me) and we say "the l-word" to each other all the time. Strange.

EarlFlynn

Great Scott! The "L" word!

We never use that dreaded phrase. Thank goodness - the very idea of telling my parents that I love them puts me into a cold sweat.

It's not that we don't...urgh, I can't say it...feel that way about each other, it's just that some phrases are far too emotionally charged to utter aloud. I've never told anyone I love them, and I doubt I ever will.

That doesn't mean, however, that the emotion doesn't exist.

Slumtrimpet

Never much said it. I don't recall ever hearing my parents say it to me, but that doesn't mean that I didn't feel loved by them. I also rarely said it to my daughters...until recently. It occured to me that they might not be able to read my mind after all, so I started telling them...difficult at first. But then they started saying it back, and it wasn't so hard anymore. Now, I don't allow a conversation to end without saying it, whether it be e-mail or phone. And I've even managed to say it to them in person a time or two.
I've also had some excellent instruction in the art of saying "I love you" recently. Thank you Malcolm

Now I need to work on the hugging part...

ju'iblex

my mother says it occasionally, to which i kind of mumble back something that could be misconstrued as "i love you", but otherwise no. Our family really isnt the close kind, we barely even open up about our day at school/work, let alone bond in such a fashion. Personally, i get really uncomfortable saying it unless i really really mean it, and even then its excrutiatingly difficult for me to do to someones face.

trekbette

Growing up it was just my Dad and I. I am totally a "Daddy's girl." He was affectionate. I always knew I was loved by him. We still say I love you at the end of phone conversations and hug and a peck on the cheek at the beginning and end of visits (and I see him 3+ times a week).

My Grandma is not quite as demonstrative but she still shows it. That's my entire family.

My husband is very lovey-dovey. Says "I love you" several times a day. Always hugging, kissing or just touching me. Use to drive me crazy but now I am used to it.I'm not a very demonstrative myself, except with him.

My husband's mom says it at the end of phone conversations if we have not spoken for a while. She is great. The best MIL I could ever hope for. Hugs and kisses for special occasions.

Since I have such a small family on my side, I have kind of adopted some friends as family. I have let them know that I love them.