Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Queen of Swords · 03-18-2003, 12:33 AM

My parents go to church every Sunday and attend a prayer meeting at someone else's place every Monday.

Yesterday, another participant in the prayer meetings called my mother and asked if they could have another meeting at my parents' house on Tuesday. I wouldn't have any objections if it wasn't for the fact that my mom is having chemotherapy. So this woman who was vomiting barium sulphate two days ago is now trying to muster up the strength to clean the house and cook for all these people!

I'm very pissed at them. My mom says that maybe they scheduled the extra meeting in order to pray for her. Well, how about they specifically tell her then that even though she's the hostess she is NOT, repeat NOT supposed to feed them? She keeps saying she can't have all these people in her house without giving them a meal. And how could these people have invited themselves to her house when they know she needs her rest? My mom is too nice to tell them no. I am not so nice, but then again it's not my house.

I just needed to vent. I hope they never do this again. Who the heck needs social occasions three days in a row right after getting chemo?

AspenMama · 03-18-2003, 05:54 AM

Is there any way you could call someone in that group yourself to tell them what you are thinking? I don't think as a daughter that it would be inappropriate to interfere.

Rhea · 03-18-2003, 06:15 AM

I agree with AspenMama. Do you know any of the people to call and remind them that she is SICK and needs to be cared FOR not doing hostessing? I think spoken in a "psssst0 hey are you guys aware" kind of tone that it wouldn't be out of line.

That is cruel! I hope your mom is feeling better soon.

And that the chemo is working.

beth · 03-18-2003, 06:22 AM

I agree, you should get in contact with someone in that group and tell them what you are thinking. I would. I wouldn't even feel bad if I had to get a little harsh about it. It is your duty to help your mother during this time. If they want to hold a prayer meeting for her, someone else can host it and have someone sit in proxy for her. According to their beliefs, intersessory prayer does not require the person being prayed for to be present.

The Cromwell Institute · 03-18-2003, 06:31 AM

Definitely say something to these freaks!

I, personally, would be absolutely wracked with guilt and shame if a person undergoing chemotherapy had just cooked me a feed. These people should be falling over themselves in their eagerness to cook the meals for your mother, or better yet, leaving her the fuck alone so she can recuperate!

There would be more value in these freaks sending your mother a simple bunch of flowers than in praying for her 24/7 for the rest of their pathetic lives.

Jackalope · 03-18-2003, 07:26 AM

I used to take a small dose of one of the "mild" chemo drugs for my arthritis. Even the "small" dose knocked me on my ass for two days afterwards. Put on your steel toed boots, because someone needs an ass-kicking. Your mother might be too nice to say no, but there's nothing wrong with her adult daughter quietly taking one of these idiots aside and explaining things to them. Using small words, since they're obviously too stupid to understand that your mother is seriously ill. Chemotherapy just sucks.

A group of us made a whole list of euphemisms for vomiting. "Things to ponder while you have your head in the toilet." Gallows humor was about the only way a couple of the women in the group got through the ordeal. Your mother needs a cancer patient support group, not a prayer meeting. Especially when the people praying are too lame to figure out they're seriously imposing on her.

The Other Michael · 03-18-2003, 07:48 AM

Hi QoS,

Maybe they figure that by adding to her burdens God will give her the extra strength to bear them?

That seems like reasonably typical theist logic to me.

But the ass-kicking recommendation sounds good. When my sweetheart was having chemo a couple of years ago I always took the day of the chemo and the next two days off of work to stay home with her, as it really wiped her out both physically and mentally. I hope your mother gets feeling better soon (though it probably won't be due to God's divine intercession).

cheers,
Michael

Queen of Swords · 03-18-2003, 08:28 AM

Too late, they're already here and my mum has cleaned all the glassware, plates, cutlery, etc. She had to wear her synthetic wig after the cooking was over because the thing doesn't respond well to heat.

I want to tell these people that she's sick and needs her rest, but my parents would be furious at the idea of me interfering in their affairs, and the fundies would pray all the harder that I saw the light. The latter I can deal with, but the former might be more problematic. In an Asian culture, kids (even the 27-year-old ones who have to wipe up the puke from the floor) just don't get to ask the adults to reconsider their actions.

It just makes me want to hit something when my mother's lying on the couch making little sounds of pain, but telling herself or me in between those sounds that soon she'll feel strong enough to get up and do the cooking. Goddamn prayer meeting. Why couldn't they just pray for a loaves and fishes deal?

jj · 03-18-2003, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Cromwell Institute
Definitely say something to these freaks!

I, personally, would be absolutely wracked with guilt and shame if a person undergoing chemotherapy had just cooked me a feed.

I understand.

HOWEVER the person doing the chemotherapy may want to do it just to prove that s/he can still cope.

In such times, keeping up the mental aspects of health is quite important.

Having said that, I would call somebody PRONTO and explain the situation, and try to examine WHY with your mom. If it's because she wants to "still cope", help her cope.

Me? I'm a thorough non-believer, but I'd help cook if it got the person through a crisis.

Well, I'd help cook about any time, though. I like to cook.

daria · 03-19-2003, 10:56 PM

Wow, what inconsiderate bastards... I'm sorry you weren't able to change the situation before it happened.
How is your mom doing now?

03-18-2003, 12:33 AM	#1
Queen of Swords Contributor Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Canada. Finally. Posts: 10,155	Prayer meeting at our house My parents go to church every Sunday and attend a prayer meeting at someone else's place every Monday. Yesterday, another participant in the prayer meetings called my mother and asked if they could have another meeting at my parents' house on Tuesday. I wouldn't have any objections if it wasn't for the fact that my mom is having chemotherapy. So this woman who was vomiting barium sulphate two days ago is now trying to muster up the strength to clean the house and cook for all these people! I'm very pissed at them. My mom says that maybe they scheduled the extra meeting in order to pray for her. Well, how about they specifically tell her then that even though she's the hostess she is NOT, repeat NOT supposed to feed them? She keeps saying she can't have all these people in her house without giving them a meal. And how could these people have invited themselves to her house when they know she needs her rest? My mom is too nice to tell them no. I am not so nice, but then again it's not my house. I just needed to vent. I hope they never do this again. Who the heck needs social occasions three days in a row right after getting chemo?

03-18-2003, 07:26 AM	#6
Jackalope Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hayward, CA, USA Posts: 1,675	Grrr indeed I used to take a small dose of one of the "mild" chemo drugs for my arthritis. Even the "small" dose knocked me on my ass for two days afterwards. Put on your steel toed boots, because someone needs an ass-kicking. Your mother might be too nice to say no, but there's nothing wrong with her adult daughter quietly taking one of these idiots aside and explaining things to them. Using small words, since they're obviously too stupid to understand that your mother is seriously ill. Chemotherapy just sucks. A group of us made a whole list of euphemisms for vomiting. "Things to ponder while you have your head in the toilet." Gallows humor was about the only way a couple of the women in the group got through the ordeal. Your mother needs a cancer patient support group, not a prayer meeting. Especially when the people praying are too lame to figure out they're seriously imposing on her.

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03-18-2003, 05:54 AM	#2
AspenMama Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Colorado Posts: 3,311	Is there any way you could call someone in that group yourself to tell them what you are thinking? I don't think as a daughter that it would be inappropriate to interfere.

03-18-2003, 06:15 AM	#3
Rhea Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Recluse Posts: 9,040	I agree with AspenMama. Do you know any of the people to call and remind them that she is SICK and needs to be cared FOR not doing hostessing? I think spoken in a "psssst0 hey are you guys aware" kind of tone that it wouldn't be out of line. That is cruel! I hope your mom is feeling better soon. And that the chemo is working.

03-18-2003, 06:22 AM	#4
beth Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: where orange blossoms bloom... Posts: 1,802	I agree, you should get in contact with someone in that group and tell them what you are thinking. I would. I wouldn't even feel bad if I had to get a little harsh about it. It is your duty to help your mother during this time. If they want to hold a prayer meeting for her, someone else can host it and have someone sit in proxy for her. According to their beliefs, intersessory prayer does not require the person being prayed for to be present.

03-18-2003, 06:31 AM	#5
The Cromwell Institute Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Australia Posts: 766	Definitely say something to these freaks! I, personally, would be absolutely wracked with guilt and shame if a person undergoing chemotherapy had just cooked me a feed. These people should be falling over themselves in their eagerness to cook the meals for your mother, or better yet, leaving her the fuck alone so she can recuperate! There would be more value in these freaks sending your mother a simple bunch of flowers than in praying for her 24/7 for the rest of their pathetic lives.

03-18-2003, 07:48 AM	#7
The Other Michael Honorary Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: In the fog of San Francisco Posts: 12,631	Hi QoS, Maybe they figure that by adding to her burdens God will give her the extra strength to bear them? That seems like reasonably typical theist logic to me. But the ass-kicking recommendation sounds good. When my sweetheart was having chemo a couple of years ago I always took the day of the chemo and the next two days off of work to stay home with her, as it really wiped her out both physically and mentally. I hope your mother gets feeling better soon (though it probably won't be due to God's divine intercession). cheers, Michael

03-18-2003, 08:28 AM	#8
Queen of Swords Contributor Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Canada. Finally. Posts: 10,155	Too late, they're already here and my mum has cleaned all the glassware, plates, cutlery, etc. She had to wear her synthetic wig after the cooking was over because the thing doesn't respond well to heat. I want to tell these people that she's sick and needs her rest, but my parents would be furious at the idea of me interfering in their affairs, and the fundies would pray all the harder that I saw the light. The latter I can deal with, but the former might be more problematic. In an Asian culture, kids (even the 27-year-old ones who have to wipe up the puke from the floor) just don't get to ask the adults to reconsider their actions. It just makes me want to hit something when my mother's lying on the couch making little sounds of pain, but telling herself or me in between those sounds that soon she'll feel strong enough to get up and do the cooking. Goddamn prayer meeting. Why couldn't they just pray for a loaves and fishes deal?

03-19-2003, 10:56 PM	#10
daria Regular Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: VA Posts: 146	Wow, what inconsiderate bastards... I'm sorry you weren't able to change the situation before it happened. How is your mom doing now?

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