brighid

Be thankful she was honest with you and didn't string you along

I have had the same thing happen after a few dates ... just didn't have the chemistry I wanted and needed from a prosepectively, romantic relationship.

Sorry to hear that you haven't found the woman to worship you like the Godless heathen that you are!

B

girlwriter

I second the great advice you've recieved here. At least you tried, and like you said, you'd feel worse if you hadn't. I'll add that I think you should try to look at it as an accomplishment, (you got up the courage to ask her,) not a rejection. She did not reject *you,* she was simply not available to accept your offer at the time that you asked. I think there is a real difference there, and it's important to not look at it as a rejection, because that's just hard on your self-image. Give yourself a break and keep trying. One time you'll be the guy who randomly manages to ask out the right girl at the right time.

That said, I'm sorry, I know it's painful. And no, it's not any less important than the stuff others are going through.

Loren Pechtel

Agreed. The dating game is the price we pay to have marriage, and it's a high price.

WWSD

I asked someone out about three weeks ago and I was told "Sure I'd like to go out for a drink but I have to tell you straight out that I'm not looking for a relationship."

I thought that was a bit presumptuous seeing as I just asked her to happy hour and didn't ask her to marry me. But I understand that she just didn't want me to get any ideas. I never did call her after that.

I had dinner with a friend a couple of weeks ago and a friend of hers came along. We chatted and the subject of good places to have happy hour came up. On the way out of the restaurant I asked her if she wanted to go to happy hour at one of the places we both agreed was really great.

She said "OH yeah that would be great, call me anytime." and then she left, without giving me her phone #.

So my friend gave it to me afterwards, which I thought was strange. A few days later I called and left a message, stating clearly who I was so she didn't think I was some freak.
She never did call me back.

These days I am no longer disappointed by these things. I have been turned down so many times that it just seems like regular business. I've come to expect rejection, and it is a huge suprise to me when someone says yes. I know it sounds negative, but really, it isn't. Its all about not caring anymore. I know I'm going to get rejected by a majority of the women I ask out, and so what? I write them off. They are not important to me anymore.

I did get asked out recently, but there is no chemistry. I wish there were but there just isn't. I really like this person, she is a fun and would make a good friend, so I'm going to take that route and hope that she isn't insulted or put off by it.

Otherwise, I don't care anymore. I'm going to die alone and be eaten by my fifty cats, but at least I I know that I will have been valuable to the universe in some way, even if it is as nutrition for fifty cats.

fried beef sandwich

UMoC,

Being rejected like that is no big deal. What feels worse is meeting someone who clicks with you all the way, only to have things fizzle out because of long distance, she found another man, or what not.

trust me on this.

Derec

Yes, I already feel better about the whole thing, although it is still a disapointment as it really looked like she was interested in me.

Quote:

When I called that girl the other day and asked her out, she was still pretty impressed that I had the guts to do it as were my friends.

Why was she impressed? Are you known to by shy?

Quote:

I suppose it came as a nice 'sorry, try again' to me.

Her rejection was nice too, as far as this adjective can be used in this situation.

Quote:

I guess, though, that this really can't make you feel that much better. It still hurts when you get burned like that and, really, there's nothing you can do about it except go on. It really isn't the emotional set-back that everyone thinks it is.

My problem is that I have only had rejections this far in my life. And I am already in my mid 20s.

Quote:

All I can say is that I feel for ya, man. It hurts, but really, there's nothing to do but move on and here's hopin' ya find someone better!

Well yeah. One can always keep trying.

Too bad. But at least she was initially interested in you so it is not quite the same setback self-confidence-wise.

Quote:

"If I had a sister who was single I'd give you her number," didn't come out sounding as nice as she probably meant it to.

Did you ask her if she had any single girlfriends?

Quote:

Waddyagonnado?

You could have told her you were a cunning linguist.

UMoC

Derec

How did you meet your wife then?

You really think marriage is such a desireable state? Despite such a high failure rate, and more imporantly the high costs associated with said failure.

UMoC

Derec

Well it's both, really.

Quote:

She did not reject *you,* she was simply not available to accept your offer at the time that you asked.

That is the question? Would she have answered differently if I had asked her a week or two earlier? I didn't want to do that earlier because I had worked with her on a presentation which was given on the last day of class. It was quite a success too - we made a good team.

Quote:

I think there is a real difference there, and it's important to not look at it as a rejection, because that's just hard on your self-image. Give yourself a break and keep trying. One time you'll be the guy who randomly manages to ask out the right girl at the right time.

How many girls would I have to ask for that though? What is the average yield so to say?

Quote:

That said, I'm sorry, I know it's painful. And no, it's not any less important than the stuff others are going through.

Well I do ot doubt that the above situation sucks, but at least you (or the hypotetical protagonist) have spent time with that person (botyh physical and emotional are important to me) and gained some dating experience too.

UMoC

Derec

You should have. Looks like you could have scored

Quote:

So my friend gave it to me afterwards, which I thought was strange. A few days later I called and left a message, stating clearly who I was so she didn't think I was some freak. She never did call me back.

That definitely sucks. Why can't some girls just be upfront?

Quote:

These days I am no longer disappointed by these things. I have been turned down so many times that it just seems like regular business. I've come to expect rejection, and it is a huge suprise to me when someone says yes.

Well with my rate of asking girls out I shall never get a date too. :banghead:

Quote:

I know it sounds negative, but really, it isn't. Its all about not caring anymore. I know I'm going to get rejected by a majority of the women I ask out, and so what? I write them off. They are not important to me anymore.

I see what you mean.

Quote:

I did get asked out recently, but there is no chemistry. I wish there were but there just isn't. I really like this person, she is a fun and would make a good friend, so I'm going to take that route and hope that she isn't insulted or put off by it.

Chemistry is a funny thing, isn't it. Actually real chemistry (as in science) is both easier to comprehend and to apply.

Quote:

Otherwise, I don't care anymore. I'm going to die alone and be eaten by my fifty cats, but at least I I know that I will have been valuable to the universe in some way, even if it is as nutrition for fifty cats.

Oh common, I am sure that you will finda long term partner. At least you have a much bigger chance than I do.

UMoC

Ion

What's going on in North America, I believe, is below.

I kept this article, titled 'In 10 minutes you'll know if you are average' from The San Jose Mercury News of Februarary 14, 1986, stating among many U.S. statistics:

"If you are a guy...Has sex with 5 to 10 partners during his lifetime..."

I think "...Has sex with 5 to 10 partners during his lifetime..." is a ridiculously small experience in knowing what dating and sex do bring to life, before one settles down with a chosen partner.

U.S. and Canada are dry lands, dating and sex-wise, compared to France.

I spent 11 years in France, and flirting at first sight, dating, having sex, all of it within half an hour, is common there.

The people who do this, are:
all of them, including middle-class students and workers.

The French work 35 hours per week, and having lots of money or working overtime for lots of money, ranks to them kind of low, compared to one's personality, looks and education.

I was getting sex, with beyond "...5 to 10 partners..." within a few years.

Others, were male seducers that women choose not to resist to, so they were beyond "...5 to 10 partners..." within half a year.

Dating was ordinary.
Having sex was still ordinary, much more frequent than what I subsequently saw in Canada and the U.S..
Having sex again with the same woman, was a confirmation to the woman that the man was not turned off.
Then she inquired who the man liked to choose amongst females, and what would take for the man to come back.
After experimenting with many styles, a man and a woman that were compatible in sex and personality, were getting married.

U.S. and Canada, they don't have this adventurous get-to-know strangers -like the French do-, so that one builds an experience with different styles.

"I have a boyfriend." is a nun-like reply to some of my proposals.
"Yeah, but you don't get sex and life experience, like this." is my thinking.

When I paid three prostitutes (two in Vancouver in the 90s, one in Las Vegas a year ago), I saw the phenomenon that after love-making, they fell in love in an animalistic way.

The regular women in North America, are giving signs for a relationship when they are thinking that based on a superficial impression (including political correctness and money making: how un-French!), that one is a potential lifetime partner.

Just like that:
a potential lifetime partner, without even knowing if the partner is a good love maker, but knowing the partner's money.

In the department of potential lifetime partner, I am more scarce, since I fall for human qualities, rather than money.

I think, Ugly, given your thoughtful past posts in this forum -including an electric circuit learned in your studies-, that is good to stick with what qualities you have.

For example, she was looking at you frequently, I suspect because under the duress of that class assignment, she got to see your problem solving skills, she was impressed on the spot, and she lit you a little bit as she was interested in you.
(She changed her mind afterwards about lighting you, thinking that other male qualities than yours are important to her;
this way, she will eventually get what she deserves, good and bad, won't she?)

Let the odds at finding a lifetime partner, fall where they might fall.

Meanwhile, develop at being yourself, while fitting in the society.