Secular Elation

I don't ever want to get married, because I don't ever want to get a divorce.

B34RZ0R

I second what SE says above and also that I am most likely never going to have any children (cancer) so why get married? The benefits mentioned of protecting women and children confuse me some.. What particular protections are there given to women and children IN a marrige than outside of one? (is this the child support thing?) Im not an advocate of single parenthood in the least, but still that comment gives me cause for pause... I am not trying to start an argument here. But for serious what protection is there for the wife and offspring - and please don't say it is having a Man in the house because Im sure it has been proven beyond all doubt that this is in no way an absolute protection against harm. (just saying).

I personally think that marrige in this day and age is a joke - not to say that all people treat it as such, but come on, the true LIFE LASTING pair bond just doesnt hold up well these days. I think if people choose to breed together then yes stick together and bring up that kid damnit because you knew full well what happens when you stick Tab A into Slot B and repeat until finshed produces.

The thing that floors me is the response of some people saying that same sex marrige is going to somehow be the down fall of modern day society! It is to laugh.. If soceity was that fragile it deserves to be felled, oh wait I better not get into my slightly Anarchistic tendancies here .

ok there is my $0.02
Be Well
*Bear*

scarmig

My wife wanted the ceremony. Ceremony means something to many people. I know that with my wife, we could have lived together, reproduced, and died together and in her mind not be married if we didn't have "the ceremony". It's a public affirmation of intent in formal dress.

Monkeybot

I like weddings because it's one of the few times I get to see all of my extended family together at once -- otherwise, we're pretty spread out over the country. Without weddings, we'd just have to wait for people to die and get together at their funeral.

I know for some people the relatives thing is probably a drawback, but I like it.

Of course, that's focusing more on weddings than the actual institution of marriage.

Godless Dave

I think the institution of marriage is important to those people who want a lifelong monogamous partner in life and love. Where the institution comes in is when times get tough. It can serve as a reminder that you committed your life to this person because you thought the long-term benefits to both of you would outweigh any temporary setbacks that come up. It's easy to stay faithful during the "For better" part, but when "for worse" comes along I think a piece of paper and a vow can help keep you from giving up too easy. I'm not just talking about being attracted to someone besides your partner, but about dealing with the nastiness life can throw your way - the death of a child, economic hardship, etc. IMHO it's one of the tricks we play on ourselves to help our fragile minds cope with the cold hard facts of the human condition.

I'm 33 and I still don't know if I'm one of those people. The security of growing old with someone I love appeals to me, but on the other hand I don't want to make any rash decisions in a misguided attempt to gain that security. I do know for sure I haven't been with any woman yet who I would want to spend my whole life with.

soluble_fish

my wife and i just celebrated our one-year anniversary yesterday. from the start, we recognized that our relationship wasn't and couldn't be defined by a piece of paper. that our marriage is an existential relationship, not a legal contract...

my wife is more "traditional" than i am, and had dreamed all her life of having a beautiful wedding ceremony. right up until the wedding, i didn't really see the use of the ceremony. but i did, after all, enjoy the ceremony. i do find aesthetic enjoyment in ritual, so...

my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary two years ago... they've often said that if they weren't legally wed and there weren't church attitudes against divorce (my grandpa is a retired minister), then they wouldn't have lasted this long.

the thing is that after "putting up with each other" for so long, their relationship has become something really cool. they have the epitome (IMO) of an intimate relationship because they have "weathered the storms of life" together...

i look forward to having that sort of relationship with my wife... nonetheless, existing in this relationship, it's hard to view it as an institution...

i'm merely living with a woman who i am completely in love with and that i care for a lot. plus, she's pregnant with my kid... it feels like i'm getting away with something. that there should be some sort of catch...

sf

ImGod

We'll be married 10 years come August and have two small children.

Trust me, there's a catch.

cheetah

I am a huge advocate of non-marriage. You can have all the benefits of marriage by contracting into them without getting married. You can be lifelong partners with a love to match that of any married couple without getting married. You can raise children in a loving two parent environment without being married. You can have a ceremony and wear a white dress and exchange rings without getting married. You can change your last name or his or both of yours without getting married. There's very little you cannot do as a non-married couple that a married couple can do. I think the penalty of estate taxes is one of them and deserves and honorable mention on this thread

My partner and I are currently in the process of contracting into those benefits, because we do not want to ask the government for permission to love each other and register that love with them. We will be developing a living trust, wills, joint estate plans, powers of attorney for health care (health proxy) and financial decisions.

Marriage is nothing but a social idea/stigma that people buy into on the basis of romance (perpetuated by the multi-billion dollar wedding industry) and they end up buying into a legal contract that they never consider whether they really need or want. For me, not getting married makes me feel more powerful in our relationship. Like, when we have trouble, it's up to us to fix it. We can't just fall back on the piece of paper. We have to have more internal strength than that, and that makes me happy.

I think people's confusion about the contract of marriage and the romance is what leads people to react negatively when people suggest marriage is worthless.

seebs

Sounds to me like these two paragraphs are a bit in conflict; it sounds like you're setting up a lot of the same things to hold a relationship together that married people have.

I don't know where people get this idea that the civil marriage is intended as or used as a substitute for actually working on trouble in a relationship.

wally

Civil marriage:
The way I see it is kinda like what Godless Dave said. I think when it was first turned into a public ceremony it was intended to stabilize the tribe, town, or whatever extended group that existed then.

It still performs that function today. Being that it does still functions to stablilize society, it is supported and encouraged by business, governments, families in general and religious entities.

Businesses even use benefits as an enticement to be married: the wife can receive medical and financial beneftits from her husband's employer. Government uses the income tax to help encourage it too.

I am not sure how the same-sex marriage thing will affect that. No one wants to upset the relatively good social balance we have now. It will probably be a good thing if the homophobes will get ok with it.

Romantic marriage/bonding/living together: it works great for a period of time and then becomes real work.


Wally, married 29 years, with about 15 good years in the mix.