DMB

Quite a lot of people go in for self-harm, whether by cutting wrists or in some other way. It doesn't always mean a genuine desire to die, but it can be a way of asking for attention if one is a person with low self-worth.

I think you are too young to cope with this. Do make sure that someone older and responsible such as his mother knows about it. If you don't want to drop him flat, how about making sure that you are always together in a group, so that you don't have an intense relationship with him? Then you could gradually disengage from the relationship altogether, if that's what you want.

Keatslover

"Than a few years from the present date he got back to normal, he said."

He told you he was back to normal, and then turned around and comitted suicide. He was probably feeling guilty, not trying to make you feel bad. Of course, I can't be sure, I don't know him.
But I did have a similar experience in highschool. The guy was 18 and I was 16. Sweet but screwed up. Mostly I wished he'd treat himself with the same consideration he treated me.
Perhaps a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship would be too much for both of you. If I were you, I'd be there for him as a friend, not a girlfriend. Less bagage that way.

orpheus last chant

"Are you thinking about leaving this guy?"

If you do, it might be a good idea to make sure someone knows about his bad habits. If you did break away from him, there's a chance he'll snap.

that is the reason for my hesitation. even though he is resposible for himself, i would still feel guilty for provoking another incident/


"PS. Munchausen's is characterized by self inflicting injury or inducing illnesses to seek attention and sympathy."

Than he must have it. He had his bandages off last time I saw him. It wasn't a clear cut in the wrist, there were several parralel ones all over his lower arm. He obviously has more troubles than I thought, but he is going out of town, and I don't plan to call him afterwards.
We met, briefly, and he was talking how sad he is, and how it would just make his day perfect (in the negative way) to get beaten up for being a rocker (he soundeed like he wanted it to happen) or that i would give him the "i need space" speech.
now how could i say: Well, not that speech but you're not far from the truth.

This is partially the fault of my "best" friend, who introduced me to him at her party, and said, "he's a nice guy" or something like that. If she didn't know his so well why didn't she say?


PS Don't know if you know it already, but there's a book called the "adventures of the baron munchausen". His stories are so farfetched, he seems to lie all the time. I suppose he's the source of the medical term.

Thanx to everyone for their advices. I think I know what to do...

brighid

You friend isn't at fault in any way for having introduced you to a person she felt was "nice." She didn't force you to get involved with this guy through an introduction. He probably is a "nice" guy as far as she knows and it doesn't seem like he advertises his troubles, so don't blame her.

As to what you should say to him ... be honest about your feelings. Perhaps tell him that you aren't emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship right now. I would not recommend crushing this guy, but some tactful honesty would be good. You aren't responsible for how he feels or reacts, only he is.

He seems more like a cutter then a Munchhausen patient. Either way cutting can be very serious and should be addressed by people who can help him. If you can't help him, or don't want to help him then be honest and the sooner the better.

Brighid

Calzaer

Dear goddess... flashbacks! Flashbacks!

I stayed with a woman for half a year purely because I was scared she'd kill herself if I left her. She used me, controlled me, manipulated me, walked all over me, and when I tried to take a stand, it was all "I'm so sorry, I'm such a horrible person, I hurt you so much, I can't live with myself!" and start cutting her arms. When I finally did break up with her (which I couldn't have done without support from my friends, being that the relationship as a whole lasted 18 months), she out-and-out threatened suicide, went into her favorite chatroom, and started posting bad poetry under the name "Final Thoughts".

I was, obviously, scared shitless. But I agree with everyone here; you can't be responsible for anyone's actions but your own. There's a line where YOU end and NOTYOU begins. A boundary. You can only control what goes on inside that boundary; you have no direct influence or responsibility for anything that goes on inside someone else's boundaries. I wish I'd known that at the time.

It's been upwards of four years now, and she's still alive, and still saying the same things to whoever she's with.

Moral of this story: Anyone who resorts to emotional manipulation and control to keep you is someone you should run far far away from at the slightest opportunity. And don't let them make you think anything they do is your fault.

Darwin26

Orpheus...you can't cure it ... and you sure didn't cause it...(his acute passive aggressive behaviour) ... The are so many dots to connect here... the self mutilation, the apology, the "you" would make life perfect, the sadness, the putting words in your mouth...space begging speech... Uhhhhhhhh you'd be safer handeling snakes and alligators or ski diving...
This guys a major drama junkie you are nothing but an object in/of his nefarious schemes.
One of the lessons in the learning curve of life...

Cynical-Chick

It is indeed, and I agree with you.



Run. NOW!