Freethought & Rationalism Archive

cheetah · 08-18-2003, 01:08 PM

brighid and LianaLi,
LOL! Apparently, what women "should" do or what men expect of women is to not even go to bars and clubs if you are unavailable or don't want to be picked up on, because then you are leading men on, making them think you want to have sex with one of them, since of course, that's the only reason males go to clubs. So, we shouldn't "waste their time" anymore by even showing up and "tricking" them into thinking we must be wanting their attention. That way, they can know that all the women present are aware of what they want (sex) and are eagerly awaiting their attention, all for the price of a drink!

Seriously, though, I like to have fun and while I don't consider myself a tease, I pretty much think it's fair to take people at face value. These guys were pretty nice, surprisingly. We talked about philosophy, starting your own business, travel, etc. and I like to think the guys enjoyed the conversation, too (esp. because they all got to talk about themselves a lot. who doesn't like that?).

js_africanus · 08-18-2003, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by brighid
If you are polite, all too often they think you don't really mean "no" and persisit ... and then you say no, really I am just here with my friends to dance ... and they still persist and then when you just walk away ... bitch ... ....

Um...would you play the straightforward game of love? I'm reminded of the incident from the movie Tootsie where Hoffman's character hears the long speech about how the woman wants the straightforward approach and he tries it only to have her respond in shock and disgust. Just as a guy is out of line to call you a dyke for turning him down, you shouldn't slam him for responding to a culture of playing coy, hard to get, and mind games. (Besides, I've never heard a guy call a woman a bitch, a tease, a dyke, or any other insult for shooting him down. I can't help but wonder if there isn't some miscommunication and/or prejudices coming from both sides of the coin.)

RevDahlia · 08-18-2003, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Daisy

So what does a girl do who isn't attached but is also not interested in being picked up?

Why, don't ever leave the house, of course! Your very presence will inflame the humors of the hapless men who may stumble into your presence, and it is rude, inconsiderate and reprehensible to taunt them like that.

Now get back into the kitchen where you belong.

RevDahlia · 08-18-2003, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by js_africanus
Besides, I've never heard a guy call a woman a bitch, a tease, a dyke, or any other insult for shooting him down.

I have, often. Although I wouldn't call it "shooting down".

Typical exchange:

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: No thank you.
He: Oh, come on.
She: I'm sorry, I'm just here waiting for someone.
He: I just want to talk to you!
She: I have to go.
He(under breath, still clearly audible): Bitch.

People of both genders use all kinds of devices to save face at the last minute, and "bitch" is actually a popular one.

Monkeybot · 08-18-2003, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LianaLi

Cheetah- I sympathize. I find it hard dealing with guys, simply because it's so easy to become a bitch or a tease if you say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing.

So true!!

I think a huge problem is when guys assume the woman knows exactly what she's doing, forgetting that she's probably probably got just as many hang-ups, insecurities and doubts as he does. I mean, women legitimately make mistakes too, you know!!

js_africanus · 08-18-2003, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LianaLi
I'll freely admit, right here, right now, infront of any and all witnesses, that I am a tease. I enjoy shaking my toned little booty, in front of an audience, just so long as that audience does NOT touch me without invitation.

Then get a job as a stripper.

cheetah · 08-18-2003, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by js_africanus
Um...would you play the straightforward game of love? I'm reminded of the incident from the movie Tootsie where Hoffman's character hears the long speech about how the woman wants the straightforward approach and he tries it only to have her respond in shock and disgust. Just as a guy is out of line to call you a dyke for turning him down, you shouldn't slam him for responding to a culture of playing coy, hard to get, and mind games.

well, the straightforward approach doesn't have to be like the silly examples here some posters have given. If a guy wants to know if a woman is available, and even find out if she is interested in further conversation at the same time, he can simply bring up, along the way, this question. If she says she's available, not only is she, but she might be signalling receptivity to him, since if she didn't like him she'd SAY she was unavailable. And it doesn't have to be straight out, either. He can still play it coy or make it funny or just act curious, like "are you here with your boyfriend?" there are a million variations, all of which would help him decide whether to spend time or money and maybe help hijm find out how receptive she is, too! I know this, as I used the same method when I was single and getting together with my now partner. I have had some men use it on me, etc. I thought it worked well!

After all this, I am starting to think I was really silly for thinking the men on Saturday night were clueless and possibly confused about the way the situation proceeded. I am seeing that there are also many things THEY could have done differently if they wanted it to turn out differently.

RevDahlia · 08-18-2003, 01:27 PM

Re the OP... what works for me is keeping the tone very light and humorous, so the gentleman's ego isn't bruised. It takes a lot of chutzpah to approach a stranger in public, and if the guy is polite he deserves to be treated kindly.

Ie... at the first overt sign that he may be into a hookup (offer to dance, buy a drink, etc) you could say (very lightly and jokily) "why, are you trying to pick me up?" Usually he will say "of course not," in which case you can say "I didn't think you were, you're obviously just being nice, but I am attached, after all. I'd love to hang out and talk to you, if you like." Then he should be allowed to sidle away.

Agree that drinks should not be accepted from one you're not romatically interested in, unless you know him already.

Monkeybot · 08-18-2003, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by js_africanus
Then get a job as a stripper.

Lovely.

Sad really, since I found your posts up to this point fairly reasonable.

MasterJackass · 08-18-2003, 01:40 PM

I think we've all come to the same conclusion on what needs to be done.............

Firebomb every bar you can find.

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

08-18-2003, 01:08 PM	#41
cheetah Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 2,118	brighid and LianaLi, LOL! Apparently, what women "should" do or what men expect of women is to not even go to bars and clubs if you are unavailable or don't want to be picked up on, because then you are leading men on, making them think you want to have sex with one of them, since of course, that's the only reason males go to clubs. So, we shouldn't "waste their time" anymore by even showing up and "tricking" them into thinking we must be wanting their attention. That way, they can know that all the women present are aware of what they want (sex) and are eagerly awaiting their attention, all for the price of a drink! Seriously, though, I like to have fun and while I don't consider myself a tease, I pretty much think it's fair to take people at face value. These guys were pretty nice, surprisingly. We talked about philosophy, starting your own business, travel, etc. and I like to think the guys enjoyed the conversation, too (esp. because they all got to talk about themselves a lot. who doesn't like that?).

08-18-2003, 01:27 PM	#48
RevDahlia Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Austin, TX, USA Posts: 4,930	Re the OP... what works for me is keeping the tone very light and humorous, so the gentleman's ego isn't bruised. It takes a lot of chutzpah to approach a stranger in public, and if the guy is polite he deserves to be treated kindly. Ie... at the first overt sign that he may be into a hookup (offer to dance, buy a drink, etc) you could say (very lightly and jokily) "why, are you trying to pick me up?" Usually he will say "of course not," in which case you can say "I didn't think you were, you're obviously just being nice, but I am attached, after all. I'd love to hang out and talk to you, if you like." Then he should be allowed to sidle away. Agree that drinks should not be accepted from one you're not romatically interested in, unless you know him already.

08-18-2003, 01:40 PM	#50
MasterJackass Regular Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: California Posts: 118	I think we've all come to the same conclusion on what needs to be done............. Firebomb every bar you can find.

Freethought & Rationalism Archive

The archives are read only.