HelenM

I hope you believe all the people who've posted in response that they do not want you to die. Please add me to the list.

take care
Helen

Eudaimonist

I don't want you dead. Every individual life is important. Please get some professional help for your own sake.

Primordial Groove

Total= trebaxian/madam something?

Sakpo

abe smith , I've dealt with you and your behaviour like this in the past. Obviously you haven't learned a thing. You stay out of this thread and the next time you see a thread like this, you stay out. As far as I am concerned you are no longer allowed to participate in threads such as this one in any forum I moderate. Understand?

christ-on-a-stick

Totalitarian, you can start by NOT listening to bullsh*t like this.

Get thee to a professional, double-quick. Even when things are going your way life is never going to be a bowl of cherries all the time... but please try to realize that you don't have to be in this kind of pain. There are things that can and will help, but you have to make that first step... easier said than done, I know this from personal experience, but so very worth it.

Totalitarianist

I eat one meal a day, and eat as little as possible. We almost always have rice, corn, and beef for dinner. I drink a lot of water, and eat some dinner, but as little as I can. The purpose of this is to stunt my growth.

As for sleeping, it is extremely difficult for me to fall asleep when the sun is not visible, even when I am exceedingly tired. To temporarily correct the problem, every week or so I stay awake for over 24 hours, so that I am so tired that I can sleep during the day. That usually corrects the problem for about a week. But then I again get difficulties sleeping at night, often no matter how exhausted I am. I therefore repeat the process.

Since my parents do not have a vehicle, I generally walk when I wish to go somewhere. Of course, it is extremely rare that I ever wish to go anywhere: and when I do, the idea of getting my money stolen, or getting beaten by a delinquent, almost always stops me.

I do listen to pleasant music. But you will be surely astonished when I tell you that I often refuse to listen to music because I cannot think of a satisfying philosophical justification. I know that sounds strange, but I honestly do endeavour to justify such things.

It is good advice supported by scientific research, in fact.

Totalitarianist

I can answer a lot of those questions by this: Talking to people causes in me anxiety and often afterwards sadness. Being around people causes depression. Every time I hear people talk, I cannot at the time entertain a doubt that they are talking about me, making plots against me to do some sort of practical joke against me; I especially think this when those who are talking are female. When people laugh, I get sad, and I think at the time that they are laughing at me, laughing at my face, or the fact that I cannot walk correctly, or some other ridiculous thing. Usually when males are talking, and I cannot hear them, I think that they are plotting to beat me as soon as I step out of the room. When I can hear what they are saying, I almost always believe that they are just saying whatever it is that they are saying to see my reaction, and then laugh at my reaction to whatever they had said. When they look at me, they are criticising me. When we both make eye contact with one another, I always think that he is plotting against me, with the help of everyone else, or that he is trying to warn me about that without anyone else knowing about it. At such times it always seems perfectly rational and logical to believe this. No matter how much I reason, it is always true to me at the time, and I never doubt it. Only afterwards, upon recollection, do I think that I may have perhaps been wrong about it. Even today I know this will happen again.

Totalitarianist

But thing is that people do not like me, and I consequently do not like people, which makes everything impossible.

Totalitarianist

I have not the time at the moment to reply to everyone else. Since this will require little time, I will reply to this.

I think Abe was right. It is actually a good thing that he is right. If no one cares, I cannot be sad by the belief that people want me to die, since that cannot be true if no one cares. If we suppose that people do not care about me, then it follows that they likewise do not want me to die. If they want me dead, they do, in a way, care about me.

Autonemesis

You know what you really need: a big fat Bob Marley spliff. Just get fuckin' baked, things will look much better after smokin' a fatty.