Harumi

*sigh* What about in ordinary situations?

My biggest problem is my sensitivity. It doesn't take much to make me cry, and as for the idea of "just don't be so sensitive", it doesn't work for me.

When you try to control your emotions, what do you do? Some methods I've tried are counting to ten, deliberately not thinking about it, or focusing on something else.

There are times when I wish I was apathetic.

Seraphim

By Harumi

*sigh* What about in ordinary situations?

Oridinary situation is same. You have to shut up, sit down and think BEFORE opening your mouth. Control the urge to speak out as soon as you hear a comment because the first few seconds is where emotions sparkles, especially when comes to heated arguments.

Zanshin can be maintained in ordinary situations also. Zanshin simply states "Don't lie to yourself and others because lying cause duality" (in Martial art terms, lying is equal to having doubts).

Try this - before you say something, think for a few seconds whether what you are about to say is the truth (from your point of view and understanding) or not. Again, control the urge to speak out without thinking.

My biggest problem is my sensitivity. It doesn't take much to make me cry, and as for the idea of "just don't be so sensitive", it doesn't work for me.

Have patience ... some people don't have patience and that is why it doesn't work for them. Do not interrupt others when the speak and listen to them and understand what they are saying. NEVER speak when your emotions are boiling and THINK why you are emotional (like angry, upset etc) over a statement and you can find better perspective of yourself.

I'm emotionally senstive ... I never said I'm not. Hell, you must be "senstive" to emotions and feelings if you want to master Iajutsu (Sword drawing) techniques. Question here is "When you need to be senstive and when not to".

When you try to control your emotions, what do you do? Some methods I've tried are counting to ten, deliberately not thinking about it, or focusing on something else.

Try to stare at the person for a few seconds and process the words in your mind. Don't speak, just replay those words in your mind. Whether anyone says to you, don't get emotional. After all, you should remember that you can really kick his or her butt (pardon my french) if you remain calm rather when you are emotional. That's something to look forward to ESPECIALLY if you are angry.
And if anger IS your problem, then you can try Sarcasm (Guilty ) since sarcasm can really hurt someone IF you know when to apply and it needs some moments to think about the proper words.
Note : Use sarcasm ONLY when you are angry to control your emotions.

There are times when I wish I was apathetic.

Apathetic? What's that? (No ... that is NOT sarcasm, I only know the term as racial hatred or something).

dublczek

I am new to this forum but would like to attempt to answer this question for you. Forgive me if I break any rules in the process. Also, these are my interpretations.

To control your emotions it helps to understand first how and why you have them.

Thoughts precede emotions and not the other way around. It may seem you can have emotions first but this is simply not the case. Somewhere at some time you had thoughts then beliefs about the nature of emotions. You made a decision or decisions about them. For example, if you decide you cannot trust your emotions then it will seem emotions are out of your control and unreliable. And they will be because of that assumption.

Believing something predisposes you to concentrate on events that support the assumption, even to the exclusion of evidence to the contrary. Yet you may still discover circumstances that defy the belief. The feelings and emotions that follow such a discovery may then serve to further separate you from the initial intent of having such a belief.

You are not your emotions. You are not your thoughts and beliefs. (You are not your foot.) They are something you have and do. If you believe they define you, then you will have to live with the consequences whatever they may be.

Examine your thoughts. (I don't mean psychoanalyze yourself.) An honest examination of your thoughts will reveal why you feel (sic) your emotions are out of your control. Decide otherwise and your experience will change. It's as simple as that.

Thank you for allowing me this moment on the soapbox. Those who threw dirty objects up here may reclaim them now.

Harumi

Seraphim,

My problem isn't speaking out before I'm ready. I rarely do that. In fact, I'm usually incredibly quiet. Instead, I mull over my hurt and my pain until I grow into depression, and it gets so bad that even the smallest statements can cause me to cry.

I can't help it. I know why my thoughts go toward one way and not another, but even though I know this, my emotions say otherwise. It is very frustrating.

Apathy is the lack of emotions: where a person has no emotions on anything.

Life would be a lot less painless for me if I wasn't so sensitive.

Seraphim

By Harumi

My problem isn't speaking out before I'm ready. I rarely do that. In fact, I'm usually incredibly quiet. Instead, I mull over my hurt and my pain until I grow into depression, and it gets so bad that even the smallest statements can cause me to cry.

I can't help it. I know why my thoughts go toward one way and not another, but even though I know this, my emotions say otherwise. It is very frustrating.

I see ... hmmm

Ever try Meditation? It has no connection to belief in God but you can do it to "purge" emotions out of your mind and learn to relax more.

Most of the time, I believe you get too emotional because the increase in emotions which you have no way releasing. Try meditation and you can release this emotions slowly.

OR try going out to the back of your house (or anyway) with a baseball bat, and whack a tree till you feel had release all your stress. I believe they are doing this in Japan to reduce stress in workers in offices (last I heard).

Apathy is the lack of emotions: where a person has no emotions on anything.

Life would be a lot less painless for me if I wasn't so sensitive.

I'm not sure about that. Is such life (without pain and emotions) is trully called living?

Harumi

Give me a web site or teach me how to meditate. I've never done it before, and it sounds pretty difficult.

I may try to whack a tree though. That sounds fun.

Seraphim

Website on Meditation? OK ...

http://www.meditatenow.com/

Got mixed up with religious concepts (together with some medical opinions it seems) ... hope you don't mind. If you don't believe in God and all, just practice it for the sake of the mind and body.


http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/1415/medit.html

This one is good, except you don't need the mantra (optional in my opinion). I usually just substitute the mantra with counting - count 1-8 (more or less depends on your intake of air) as you breath in and count 1-8 (more or less depends on how you breath out gently) as you breath out.

Well ... that just two. Can get a few more in the Net or try finding information in the book stores.

But one thing, Meditation can be learn and done without the need of a Guru of any kind, so you can learn and do it on your own.

Whacking a tree is good ... release tension but you may attract some environmentalist. Buying a punching bag and beating/hitting it is another good suggestion. Running a few miles is another good suggestion.

Basically, any physical exercise which could get your mind off your emotions or release them is good.

Harumi

Thank you Seraphim.

That will do nicely. I think I may try. Meditation has always looked so very difficult. My mind is very active, although they say that drawing is a meditation as well, and I do that plenty.

What about pausing your emotions. For example, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to get emotional at a certain time, and putting it away so you can deal with it later? Wonder if that's possible...

But after you answer that question, we really should get back to Buddhism. Unless this is Buddhism of some sort...

Answerer

Harumi, remember to be sincere and don't expect to have quick results.


:notworthy :notworthy

Seraphim

By Harumi

Thank you Seraphim.

That will do nicely. I think I may try. Meditation has always looked so very difficult. My mind is very active, although they say that drawing is a meditation as well, and I do that plenty.

I have a friend who does a lot of drawing as well and he is a bit tensed all the time. People adviced him to be more relaxed when drawing something and put your thoughts aside. Not sure how though ... I'm not an artist type.

Malays (another race in Malaysia) usually goes fishing on weekends, maybe that is their way of "meditating". I have no idea also, I don't like fishing.

What about pausing your emotions. For example, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to get emotional at a certain time, and putting it away so you can deal with it later? Wonder if that's possible...

Possible but not recommended. Emotions shouldn't be kept inside (even love). It should be released so your mind don't effected by it. Better deal with whatever coming your way on the spot and wipe the slate clean on the spot. Reminds me of a story (maybe you had heard it before).

Two Buddhist monks (one elder and his apprentice) was walking back to their monastery one day. They come across a river where a small girl was standing. The elder monk asked the girl why the girl was standing there and the girl told him that she couldn't get across because the water flow too fast for her to cross safely.

The elder offered her to lift her across and she accepted. He lift the girl up and put on his shoulder and together walked across the river. His apprentice surprised at this act since Monks not supposed to touch girls but didn't say anything. Across the river, the elder put the girl down and she thank him and went off. The apprentice didn't say anything either at this point and they continue on their journey.

A couple of hours later, they reached the monastery but before they could enter, the apprentice couldn't take the thoughts in his head about the act earlier. He asked the elder, "Why did you carry that girl on your shoulder? Monks not supposed to touch girls".

To this, the elder replied, "Are you still carrying her on yours?"

Don't carry unwanted burdens in your shoulders or mind. It will only slow you down and distract you from your life.

But after you answer that question, we really should get back to Buddhism. Unless this is Buddhism of some sort...

Buddhism is not about something written in a book or said by someone. It is simply about living. A Muslim or Christian could do things like a Buddhist YET he is a Muslim or Christian and that doesn't change anything.