braces_for_impact

My kingdom (such as it is) for an original christian argument!

As normal, I notice the discouragement to using logic and reason to verify the claims of christianity. As this falls into the realm of metaphysics, I would counter that anyone debating the existence of god is by definition thinking about the abstract, or in this case the i n v i s i b l e...hahaha.

CX

My wife made an interesting observation the other night as we were watching the season premiere of The Dead Zone, "Why is it that god always uses total nutjobs as his agents and advanced extraterrestrial civilizations only visit inbred rednecks out in the boonies?"

Hmmmmm...what about inbred redneck nutjobs?

THE_LEGENDARY_HQB

Greetings in the name of our ALUMINUM SAVIOUR, Redrum,

Your friend was mistaken.

Christianity is nothing more than poorly concieved Tartar Sauce Worship, just another ploy by the Wildebeest to draft you into his unholy Army of Mutated Beef Jerky.

Listen to what the Holy Book of Reynolds has to say about the "Blood of Christ".

...And the Emperor Norton was grooming his nosehairs, when one of his disciples approached him and said:
"Oh Holy Prophet of the Ovary Cleansing Salvation, what sayest thou about this man Jesus who is called Christ?"
And the Emperor Norton put down his nosehair clipper and said:
"Like the Wildebeest who inspires his blasphemies, his path is paved with bubbling tar and decomposing midgets! Dost thou not know that the blood of Christ was nothing but red food colouring and corn syrup?"
{Teachings of the Emperor Norton, page 113, lines 230-235}


Redrum, despite what the mass media tells you, there is NO salvation in Tartar Sauce. Period. The Wildebeest is a Liar. In fact, he invented lies in his secret underground bunker.

Though the Wildebeest promises champagne enemas and golden dingleberries, his path invariably leads to the Sea of Beans which burns with Flatulence and Acne.

I know, as an Aluminist, that eventually, Christianity and Tartar Sauce Worship will be formally connected by Pat Robertson, around the time of the Week of Burning Tyres, but, in the meantime, I feel it is my duty, as a man whose ovaries have been cleansed, to beg you to turn from your evil ways, and accept the TIN HEAD into your liver.

Drink break fluid, eat snausages, believe absolutely in the Infallable word of the TIN HEAD, the Holy Book of Reynolds, order "Salvation for Dummies" {available for only 79 easy payments of $199.95}, and attend Kaputarium every Thursday between 6:10 and 6:15pm, and you can have freedom from chiggers and a small pulsating mass of blackberry Jell-o in this life, and eternal gummi worms in the Promised Gizzard to come!


Allow me to leave you with the 12 Demmandments:

I. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you fertilize your lawn with Prussic acid and Clown Mucous, that MY awesome power might be made manifest to all.

II. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, though I posesseth the Attribute of Absolute Omnipresence, yet I often choose not to use it, for I am the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, and sometimes I need a break from the perfidy of this Tartar Sauce worshipping world. Therefore, in MY absence, I DEMAND that MY followers bow down and prostrate themselves before Graven Images and Idols of ME, for though I may not be indwelt in all of them, yet MY Sightless Eye shall record their adoration, and they shall be rewarded with the finest Grass Skirts and Eternal Gummi Worms.

III. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you save your
Dingleberries and serve them to nonbelievers as "Party Mix", that
you might demonstrate MY Righteous hatred of them.

IV. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you refrain from racing ostriches, decapitating eels, plastic surgery, and turkey bowling on Thursdays, for Thursday is MY Holy Day, and on that day there can be no hindrances to you worshipping ME and stroking MY Holy Ego.

V. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND a sacrifice of 3 bags of Gummi worms, 2 cans of Pac Man Pasta, and 6 Cheese Sticks, every Thursday between 6:10 and 6:15pm in MY annointed place, the Kaputarium.

VI. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you spread the Ovary Cleansing Salvation to every planet using specially trained
Tapeworms.

VII. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that Fleapowder be burned to exhalt MY glorious name, for its noxious fumes are sweet to MY nostrils.

VIII. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that, on the Night of the 1000 Marmosets, MY followers slaughter every nonbeliever in sight, preferably with sporks, for their ovaries are unclean, and MY wrath abideth in them.

IX. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you consume Break Fluid, eat Snausages, believe absolutely in MY infallible Word, the Holy Book of Reynolds, recognize that men do indeed have Ovaries which must be cleansed, order "Salvation for Dummies", and recognize MY Prophet, Hieronymus Q Blankenship, as MY Earthly Representative as a condition of having ME dwell in your liver and bestow MY gift of Eternal Bliss in the Promised Gizzard unto you.

X. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you renounce all religions involving Fat Noblemen, Rubber Chickens, and Psychic Squid, for they are false religions, and their path leads to the Sea of Beans which burns with Flatulence and Acne.

XI. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND that you declare: "There is NO salvation in Tartar Sauce" to the unbelieving world, for whilst you shall find persecution, condemnation and ridicule is your lot in this life, you shall rejoice in the Promised Gizzard, as you watch your tormenters' agony in the Sea of Beans on MY High Definition Wide Screen TV.

XII. I, the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD, DEMAND THAT you recognize the Sacred Triumvirate of SMOOSHIE the Nephew, the TIN HEAD the Aunt, and HYMIE the Holy Kangaroo, as Manifestations of MY Divinity, and that these 3 are One, united as they are in the warm, moist pouch of HYMIE, the Holy Kangaroo.

And, those same Demandments, put through 4 different internet translators:

I, become the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, the REQUESTS, on which you your blue acid acid of the gazon and of the sticky clown fertilised that MY impressive energy would know are formed are opened with all.

. I, demands the HEAD of the TIN of ALLMIGHTY, however it of
posesses the quality of omnipresence absolutely, in spite of I, of
which we, dense attended I, does not prefer in order put because it to, they the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN is, and on that eye can I eindeperfidy the this admiring the world of sauce of cog toe. For this way in MY absence, REQUIRING I which MY continuators, if the prostrate are of Nachsynchronisation under him and him by the pictures of the cargo and the Idolen by ME have, because as that I indwelt cannot equal in all in spite of MY eye of Sightless to his them register admiration and I with the skirts balanced, those
gramme is and to except with more eter with us of more fine from
rubber to finish.

. I, REQUIRED the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, which you keep your Dingleberries and nonbelievers in the deadline "to him to the linkerzijde for the mixtures" serve, which could you show for the hatred of the WELL of Righteous of them.

. I, REQUIRED the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, with that to compete with you examine yourselves, around ostriches and without congrios of a head, who the surgery from plastiek left and lower of peru in Thursday, because Thursday santo MY day is, and this day cannot has the nothing embarrassment niches, what with him with duration me and this of MY santo of me strelt.

. I, enters the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, of the REQUESTS a victim of 3 funds without ends of rubber, 6 mails of cheese and 5 Coles, each Thursday 6:10 and 6:15pm in MY annointed, Kaputarium.

. I, REQUIRED the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, that you separately in particular the limpiamientoveiligheid of the ovary to each planet
with the qualified ribbon maggots.

. I, REQUIRED the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, which exhalt of
Fleapowder to far far is MY acquaintance good splendourful burned, because their emanationen are detrimental Karamele MY nose neusgaten.

. I, REQUIRE the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, as a result of the fact
that, the night of Marmosets 1000, MY continuators to each one, this way to more to because kill nonbeliever in the view, preferivelmente with sporks, their ovaries, and the anger of living the WELL in them are dirty.

. I, REQUIREMENT the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, which employs you the fluid of the end, caused themselves absolutely MY feilloos word eats Snausages, that santo of Reynolds reserves, identifies that the men more certainly has the ovaries to identify, which "cleaned WELL asked in order safety for the models", and of, Hieronymus must Q Blankenship, as MY Repraesentativterrenal as the condition with the order with me in order around in their liver to live and to you MY gift of the eternal chance in promised molleja to grant.

. I, the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, this renuncía you all religions
that large person of Noblemen, psychological rubber chickens and
calamary presents, because they the false religions are REQUIRE, and are stage lead to the sea of beanses, if Brandflatulencia and the acne.

. I, REQUIRED the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, which explains you:
"salut with sauce of cog toe does not have none!" to the world,
which, because, whereas you unbelieving continuation of the
gelukkige shares finds, it of judgement is and of ridiculous in this
life must take place, you in promises in huwelijksmollejá delight
yourselves, because you the attention for the anguish of his
tormenters ' sea of beanses in tevê the WELL of it fences far of the high resolution chamfered.

. I, REQUIRED the HEAD of ALLMIGHTY of TIN, WHICH you identify
rewarded Triumvirate of the cousin of SMOOSHIE, the HEAD of TIN the aunt and HYMIE santo van Kaenguruh, how the cacologies of MY goddelijkheid and that 3 these are, because she is in the hot impact grant, HYMIE connected themselves together at, dunked santo of Kaenguruh.

Massive Respect,
The Legendary, One and Only, Ultimate example of Human Potential, Paradigm of Perfection, Ascended Master, Supremely Talented, 99.44/100% Infallible, Infinitely Intelligent, Embodiement of Virtue, Shining Light of Humanity, Beacon of Hope, Remarkably Efervescient, Wonder of Wonders, Epitome of Genius, Completely Righteous, Stunningly Endowed, Amazingly Gifted, Endlessly Charming, Personification of Excellence, Wonderfully Witty, Sublimely Sacred, Always Knowledgeable, Profoundly Enlightened, Incredibly Wise, Absolutely Correct, yet Surprisingly Modest Great One, The Right Excellent Lord Pasha Ghazi Sir Hieronymus Q Blankenship, {the Q Stands for Flavius}, Esq.
Font of HEADLY Wisdom, Pontifex Augustus, Most Worshipful
UberProphet, Chief Of Invasive Theology, First Baron Kroke, Bringer of Salvation to a Tartar Sauce Worshipping World, 47th Viscount of Tewksbury, Earl of Oranjestad, Grand Duke of Negril, Marquis of Willemstad, Interpreter of the HEAD'S Perfect Will, Greatest of the HEAD'S Messengers, Herald of the Ovary Cleansing Salvation, Exhalted Mahatma, Luminous Grand Master of the Illustrious Order of the Aluminati, Revered Avatar, Apex of the HEAD'S Creation, P.H.D {Prince of the HEADLY Domain}, and Supreme Sabelotodo and High Priest of the Kaputarium of the ALLMIGHTY TIN HEAD.

George W.

God, the humanoid Christian one that is, created a vast universe with billions of galaxies and billions of stars per galaxy with more than a trillion planets. He placed a small planet around a so-so star in a distal arm of an insignificant galaxy. On this remote rock he put life including us. Is that right?

Why? Because he "loves" us, he made all of those unnecessary planetary, solar, galaxial, and nebulae all over space. But he loves us. He put our ancestors in a garden and tempted them with a tree of knowledge in the centre. But we were not to try to seek knowledge or we would be like him (or us, as he puts it.) He is omniscient so he knows we will fall for the sting operation.

Adam and Even and their descendents are condemned to die. All of them are to suffer disease, pain, and agony. Why? Because he loves us. Non-human animals are to suffer as well. They and us are to suffer the ravages of terrible bacterial diseases that rot the body while we are still alive. He makes some animals predators to eat herbivores and us. He made crocodiles that grab little human babies off of the banks of the Nile, do the croc roll and drown the child for later eating. Some children have invasive parasites invented by God to eat away their eyes and make them blind. He makes other parasites to infect the brain causing seizures, headaches, and paralysis, before death. Why? Because he loves us.

God has hyenas rip apart a Zebra or a wandering human, disemboweling the victim, chomping off bites of flesh while the victim is still alive until it bleeds to death. Why? Because God loves us.

God tampers with DNA so that some babies are born with Tay-Sach's Disease, Werdnig Hoffman motor neuron disease, MELAS Syndrome, inoperable brain tumours, and many other fatal diseases. Why? Because he loves us.

God tampers more with DNA so that some children are born with an insect like exoskeleton (actually we all have that gene, left over from the Cambrian), some children are born with remnants of fish gills, or benign little tails. He fecks with other genes that inhibit the migration of brain cells in the embryo causing various cerebral palsies, retardation syndrome, etc. Why? Because he loves us.

God invented viruses, bacteria, parasitic protozoans, parasitic worms, parasitic insect larvae that cause pain, misery, and death. He created HIV that is ultimately fatal as the victim (gays, haemophiliacs, Aplastic anemia patients, heart bypass transfusion patients) watches his/her body wither away. Why? Because God loves us.

God then created Hell. This is a place of the most horrible pain imaginable, non-consuming fire, for eternity, forever with no hope of forgiveness, no second chances. It is for mainly people who dare to question his existence or perceive him incorrectly from orthodoxy. Why did God make HELL? Because he LOVES us.

George W.

Amie

Upside: I believe in God because it feels right for me; Others don't believe in God because they don't have a reason to.

Downside: there is none.

Hiya Ronin and how is one of my favorite godless heathens doing this evening?

ju'iblex

i wholeheartedly disagree

Harumi

Ooooh! Fresh meat! Can we keep redrum for a while longer? It's been so long.

Kosh

Doesn't anyone get the point? It doesn't matter for squat that conventional wisdom states that the magnitude of Christianity's lies
should disgust anyone who has an even moderate education. What's far more relevant is that even Christianity's least profligate
spokesmen supplement their already-generous incomes by selling contraband on the black market. What follows is a set of
observations I have made about gin-swilling nincompoops (also known as Christianity's advocates). If, today, the urge of
Christianity's war-soul can prompt it to pass off all sorts of spineless and obviously dishonest stuff on others as a so-called
"inner experience", then imagine, if you can, how that same soul will express itself through the thousandfold-more-unprincipled
Christianity of tomorrow. I would like to digress here. Today, we might have let Christianity force some to live by restrictive
standards not applicable to others. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will purge the darkness from Christianity's heart.

There are two main flaws with Christianity's obiter dicta: 1) Christianity's little schemes are bound to fail, and 2) Christianity's
taradiddles cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to
convince us that human life is expendable. From a public-policy perspective, the objection may still be raised that honor counts
for nothing. At first glance, this sounds almost believable. Yet the following must be borne in mind: Christianity is the picture of
the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to its biases. I won't
pull any punches here: Christianity is incapable of writing a letter without using such phrases as "juvenile hackers", "boisterous
mafia dons", "crapulous blockheads", or some combination thereof. But let's not lose sight of the larger, more important issue
here: Christianity's laughable, wayward effusions. I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional
instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compass on the North Star. But if I said that Christianity can
achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct, I'd be a liar. But I'd be being utterly honest if I said that it is careless with data,
makes all sorts of causal interpretations of things without any real justification, has a way of combining disparate ideas that don't
seem to hang together, seems to show a sort of pride in its own biases, gets into all sorts of ridiculous speculation, and then
makes no effort to test out its speculations -- and that's just the short list!

Although Christianity has managed to avoid indictment, or even a consensus that it did anything illegal, it thinks it's good that its
perceptions acquire public acceptance of its crazy fibs. It is difficult to know how to respond to such monumentally misplaced
values, but let's try this: Nothing offends it more than the truth. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. I don't object to
Christianity's bromides because no one is more crafty than Christianity. I object because the facts as I see them simply do not
support the false, but widely accepted, notion that a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible.

Just don't expect consistency from an organization that is thoroughly and definitely mumpish. Inasmuch as I disagree with
Christianity's accusations and find its ad hominem attacks offensive, I am happy to meet Christianity's speech with more speech
and, if necessary, continue this discussion until the truth shines. It goes without saying that if Christianity would abandon its
name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to hinder the power of dirty, surly schmucks like
Christianity.

Be forewarned: Christianity asserts that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral
character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to bombard us with an endless array of hate literature.
Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by
concrete evidence. There's a lot of talk nowadays about Christianity's petty protests, but not much action. Never have I seen
such a gross error in judgment as Christianity's decision to blame our societal problems on handy scapegoats. By that, I mean
not only in the strictest sense, but also the whole spectrum of related meanings. You know, it strikes me that Christianity
extricates itself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice. The facts
are in: Christianity keeps coming up with new ways to feed information from sources inside the government to organizations
with particularly horny agendas.