Freethought & Rationalism Archive

abe smith · 06-09-2003, 08:09 AM

DOES some one of you guys/males want to explain in plain & simple terms WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED W/ WOMEN *FOR*? anyway? Is your desire to become involved with = "get to know" a woman based on your wish for (heterosexual) fucking? (And if you've never done that, HOW do you know you want it?) Or (if not) then is your difficulty GENERAL with all sorts of human beings, not just women?
Specifically, what do you desire to have-happen, that pursuing acquaintance w/ a woman wd help to bring-about? And if you don't know the answer to this qy, maybe you really DON'T want/need to know a woman after all?
And, what ELSE are you interested in (doing)?

GunnerJ · 06-09-2003, 08:26 AM

Without reading the thread, I find myself not only unable to just casually talk to women, I'm afraid of it. So afraid that I have trouble being around women who are single, or whom I'm not familliar with, and especially both. After a while, I get very uncomfortable.

It's strange, though, that I have no trouble talking to women who are already taken, as I'm not the sort of person who tries to mess up other people's relationships, even if I could. Maybe it's jsut that there isn't any pressure in those situations.

KoopaFanatic · 06-09-2003, 09:59 AM

In high school I was really bad; when talking to women I could only make a few coherent sounds before degenerating totally into random babbling. It was embarrassing. I got better in college, but I'm still not too good at having random conversations with women. In a small group setting (e.g. dinner with some friends) it's not too bad, but anything larger (e.g. actual "party," bar/club, riot) I revert to true high school form.

Ah, my fun life

AquaVita · 06-09-2003, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by hezekiah jones
I recall Claudia Schiffer being not too terribly captivated by my urbane banter.

Yeah well your first hint should have been when she said she only had eyes for that Aqua guy. Sheesh. Some guys just can't back up off this and let a playa play.

callmejay · 06-09-2003, 10:58 AM

As a 25 year old introvert, I've spent a lot of time watching extraverts talk. The biggest difference I've noticed is that they aren't self-conscious about how they sound. I've found that if I just pretend to be charming it's actually the exact same thing as BEING charming. It's sort of like dancing -- as long as you're really worried about how you look, you're going to look like you're really worried about how you look.

Loren Pechtel · 06-09-2003, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cutter
I don't even know what the hell 'chatting up' means. (Seriously).

Me, I'm a complete fish out of water when it comes to women. I turn 30 in a few months and I've never had a girlfriend. Only ever asked a girl out once (when I was 16) and I never will again, ever.

Mind you it's not like I get any opportunities anyway. I have no social life at all, I pretty much literally only leave the house if I have to.

The life you describe would be hell to me.

HaysooChreesto! · 06-09-2003, 12:26 PM

When I was single I went through hot and cold spells. There were times when I just didn't even care to talk to women and there were times when I was unstoppable.
In my experience no one can be "on" all the time but when you are "on" you need to take adavantage of it. If I was on it usually had something to do with the quality of my work life or some other accomplishments (if that makes sense).
When I was off it was usually because I was depressed about something or my job wasn't going well.
It depends on the individual I guess.

The popularized places to meet women are almost worthless; nightclubs, bars, dance clubs, etc. The latter has to be the worst as it takes someone extremely extroverted and trendy to succeed there. Not for me. I had success meeting women almost everywhere except those places-grocery stores, book stores, the checkout girl at Hollywood Video and other different places. I did have my share of successes at local bars though. It's a different atmosphere and generally everyone is from the same approximate area.

The worst thing a woman can say is "no". It's one word and it doesn't devalue you one little bit. You also have to look for women that are in your league. I once dated a girl who loved dance clubs and other trendy crap and I couldn't stand her and vice versa. It was a purely physical thing that was on and off for 5 months because neither of us could find someone else during that time.
So while you may feel very physically attracted to a certain type of girl she may not be for you.

I think that the number of men who are intimidated by asking a girl out or striking up a conversation with a stranger far out number the men who aren't. No one likes to get rejected. Especially in the dating scene because it feels so intensely personal. And what happens a lot of times is that guys will give up to avoid that feeling again. That happened to me a few times and it sucks. But fortunately for me, my libido was so sky high that I couldn't give up for long.

Read books about women, join an online dating service, chat up the girl behind the counter at the local coffee joint and see if you can't develop some kind of rapport with her. Do whatever it takes. I am genuinely convinced that there is someone for everyone and in this day of the internet... All I know is that if I'm ever single again, I'll use the WWW to meet women. I'll still go out because it's too easy for me to become a shut in if I don't, but I would never just give up on the opposite sex. They're too much fun.

Friar Bellows · 06-09-2003, 12:30 PM

I have no problems chatting and flirting with women. It's the next step that I find difficult. I suspect that I'm not the only one who is like this.

Anson · 06-09-2003, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by abe smith
DOES some one of you guys/males want to explain in plain & simple terms WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED W/ WOMEN *FOR*? anyway? Is your desire to become involved with = "get to know" a woman based on your wish for (heterosexual) fucking? (And if you've never done that, HOW do you know you want it?) Or (if not) then is your difficulty GENERAL with all sorts of human beings, not just women?
Specifically, what do you desire to have-happen, that pursuing acquaintance w/ a woman wd help to bring-about? And if you don't know the answer to this qy, maybe you really DON'T want/need to know a woman after all?
And, what ELSE are you interested in (doing)?

Until I read some of the posts in this thread I thought everyone felt some desire to have a partner in their life. I'm not talking about just friends. I need them too, but they're different.
I just feel a strong need to have that kind of love in my life. I always have.
Sex is only a small part of it. And anyway, the enjoyment of sex is multiplied about ten times when it's with someone you love.

Anson · 06-09-2003, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by callmejay
As a 25 year old introvert, I've spent a lot of time watching extraverts talk. The biggest difference I've noticed is that they aren't self-conscious about how they sound. I've found that if I just pretend to be charming it's actually the exact same thing as BEING charming. It's sort of like dancing -- as long as you're really worried about how you look, you're going to look like you're really worried about how you look.

True.

06-09-2003, 08:09 AM	#31
abe smith Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: springfield, MA. USA Posts: 2,482	I'm puzzled.... DOES some one of you guys/males want to explain in plain & simple terms WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET INVOLVED W/ WOMEN FOR? anyway? Is your desire to become involved with = "get to know" a woman based on your wish for (heterosexual) fucking? (And if you've never done that, HOW do you know you want it?) Or (if not) then is your difficulty GENERAL with all sorts of human beings, not just women? Specifically, what do you desire to have-happen, that pursuing acquaintance w/ a woman wd help to bring-about? And if you don't know the answer to this qy, maybe you really DON'T want/need to know a woman after all? And, what ELSE are you interested in (doing)?

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06-09-2003, 08:26 AM	#32
GunnerJ Banned Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: a place where i can list whatever location i want Posts: 4,871	Without reading the thread, I find myself not only unable to just casually talk to women, I'm afraid of it. So afraid that I have trouble being around women who are single, or whom I'm not familliar with, and especially both. After a while, I get very uncomfortable. It's strange, though, that I have no trouble talking to women who are already taken, as I'm not the sort of person who tries to mess up other people's relationships, even if I could. Maybe it's jsut that there isn't any pressure in those situations.

06-09-2003, 09:59 AM	#33
KoopaFanatic Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 2,867	In high school I was really bad; when talking to women I could only make a few coherent sounds before degenerating totally into random babbling. It was embarrassing. I got better in college, but I'm still not too good at having random conversations with women. In a small group setting (e.g. dinner with some friends) it's not too bad, but anything larger (e.g. actual "party," bar/club, riot) I revert to true high school form. Ah, my fun life

06-09-2003, 10:58 AM	#35
callmejay Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 466	As a 25 year old introvert, I've spent a lot of time watching extraverts talk. The biggest difference I've noticed is that they aren't self-conscious about how they sound. I've found that if I just pretend to be charming it's actually the exact same thing as BEING charming. It's sort of like dancing -- as long as you're really worried about how you look, you're going to look like you're really worried about how you look.

06-09-2003, 12:26 PM	#37
HaysooChreesto! Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: SoCal USA Posts: 7,737	When I was single I went through hot and cold spells. There were times when I just didn't even care to talk to women and there were times when I was unstoppable. In my experience no one can be "on" all the time but when you are "on" you need to take adavantage of it. If I was on it usually had something to do with the quality of my work life or some other accomplishments (if that makes sense). When I was off it was usually because I was depressed about something or my job wasn't going well. It depends on the individual I guess. The popularized places to meet women are almost worthless; nightclubs, bars, dance clubs, etc. The latter has to be the worst as it takes someone extremely extroverted and trendy to succeed there. Not for me. I had success meeting women almost everywhere except those places-grocery stores, book stores, the checkout girl at Hollywood Video and other different places. I did have my share of successes at local bars though. It's a different atmosphere and generally everyone is from the same approximate area. The worst thing a woman can say is "no". It's one word and it doesn't devalue you one little bit. You also have to look for women that are in your league. I once dated a girl who loved dance clubs and other trendy crap and I couldn't stand her and vice versa. It was a purely physical thing that was on and off for 5 months because neither of us could find someone else during that time. So while you may feel very physically attracted to a certain type of girl she may not be for you. I think that the number of men who are intimidated by asking a girl out or striking up a conversation with a stranger far out number the men who aren't. No one likes to get rejected. Especially in the dating scene because it feels so intensely personal. And what happens a lot of times is that guys will give up to avoid that feeling again. That happened to me a few times and it sucks. But fortunately for me, my libido was so sky high that I couldn't give up for long. Read books about women, join an online dating service, chat up the girl behind the counter at the local coffee joint and see if you can't develop some kind of rapport with her. Do whatever it takes. I am genuinely convinced that there is someone for everyone and in this day of the internet... All I know is that if I'm ever single again, I'll use the WWW to meet women. I'll still go out because it's too easy for me to become a shut in if I don't, but I would never just give up on the opposite sex. They're too much fun.

06-09-2003, 12:30 PM	#38
Friar Bellows Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: arse-end of the world Posts: 2,305	I have no problems chatting and flirting with women. It's the next step that I find difficult. I suspect that I'm not the only one who is like this.

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