viscousmemories

Uh-oh. Glad I limited my discussion of my extracurricular activities to excessive drinking, then.

jj

Y'got that one cold to rights, there, Keith. Although I was thinking "thick as a..." itself. Just applies to the wrong party this time, here.

Proxima Centauri

Thank you for the compliments! Knowing that I am liked and valued has really made my day. Here's a website which might help you or some one like you. I hope you are not still angry.

viscousmemories

Sigh.

Well, I apologize for having responded with such venom in my previous post. If I were a better man, I would have simply stated that I found your responses to my posts to be curt and inconsiderate, rather than rain down on you with every adjective I could think of to describe how your epithets made me feel. So, in the interest of being more civilized, I will respond to your latest apparent condescension with a factual and more reasonable response.

First, directing me to the Alcoholics Anonymous website gives me an indication that you think I am an alcoholic, and presumes both that you understand what an alcoholic is, and that you have somehow been able to determine, based on a few paragraphs of testimony from me, that I fit the definition of what an Alcoholic is.

FWIW, congratulations. You are not the first person to have come to this conclusion. In fact, I came to that conclusion myself in 1988 (the first time I went to an AA meeting) and that belief was reinforced in my mind during the subsequent years I spent as a member of AA. I found more support for that belief after reading every available book on alcoholism, and during my participation in an "Intensive Outpatient Treatment for Chemical Dependency" program in the early 90's, and even more support during the 9 months in 1993 that I was in a "Long-term, In-Patient Drug Treatment Center" as an alternative to a jail sentence for actions committed while I was, you guessed it, drunk.

But guess what? In spite of all that education and those troubling experiences, I have not yet become convinced that there is a preferrable alternative to flushing ones life down the drain in a flood of alcohol.

Please, now, enlighten me.

Amie

...at least he doesn't follow Gemma around giving her a hard time like someone eh B.Shack?...

speaking of Alcoholism I took one of those self tests while I was waiting for a friend at her office and when i turned it over to check my score it said "seek help now"

Infinity Lover

Ah, there you are lieve schat.

Okay, pursuit over, I'm happy.

livius drusus

Have you considered promiscuous sex? No, really. In my day, I found it both exhilarating and empowering, a very vibrant, raw connection to life itself. (Only sheathed, of course, so no actualy life is produced, cause that shit ruins everything.)

Other than that, the thing that has given me the purest happiness and contentment is being in beautiful surroundings, both natural and man-made, preferably with a large historical component. I like feeling impermanent. It gives me an invaluable sense of perspective as well as a feeling of belonging to something far larger if also impermanent.

Gurdur

Man, this is a strange thread. Allow me a question though ?

No offence, and it's none of my business, but please let me get this straight;
in spite of just narrowly avoiding jail for alcohol-caused offences, and spending time in detox wards, you still haven't become convinced there's a better alternative ?
I mean, what would convince you ?

BTW, I used to work as a nurse in a psychiatric clinic dealing mostly with alkies and druggies; we had one oldish man who was moved to long-term care in a normal clinic, and there would drink one beer only every day then throw up; it was all he could handle, since he had effectively destroyed his stomach.

I also personally knew another bloke who managed quite successfully to kill himself with Antabuse (a pill that removes the ability to metamorphise alcohol in the body for around 8 hours, thus if you drink during those 8 hours or so, you get quite sick).

This bloke took day leave from the clinic (and a dose of Antabuse), choofed off to the nearest grungiest pub, then locked himself in the toilet with a carton of beers and a bottle of vodka.
From the police and pathologist's report, he must have shown amazing will-power over 3 hours or so; he must have drunk, then vomited and shat, drunk, then vomited and shat, repeat, repeat, till he died.

Like I mean, enlightenment's a relative thing --- he knew what he was doing, and chose to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I have no idea if you're an alkie or not, and it's none of my business; but then slow self-destruction is just so 1890's and Rimbaud, eh ?

viscousmemories

I did a lot of that in my early 20's, but none lately. I was with my last girlfriend for about 5 years, and in the (ugh) 3 or 4 years since we broke up I haven't even dated, much less fornicated. Hey, look, I'm a poet. That should score me some favor, no?

And when exactly was your day, liv?

I like feeling dwarfed by the Universe too. That's a large part of the reason my most recent drifting has landed me in a beach town. The ocean is awe inspiring, and I love that it's warm and sunny year 'round. I've always been the type to spend most of my time in a very dark, smelly little bar, playing pool and drinking beer. I'm pretty much doing that here, but the bar is ground level with lots of windows, and the crowd is more yuppie/sports-fan, so it's a bit less depressing. A very tiny bit.

viscousmemories

I don't know if your question was rhetorical or not, but if I knew what would convince me, I would be convinced.

It's true that I didn't like the 90 days I spent in jail, or the months I spent in rehabs. But I don't believe, to this day, that these things happened because I'm "powerless over alcohol", as AA would put it. I believe (and I know, the difference here is subtle) that I did what I did because I resigned myself to alcohol.

In other words, in the years I was sober after my last brush with the law, and consequently rehab, and in the years since (when I've been drinking fairly regularly but have as yet avoided getting into any trouble) I haven't found anything that has made me think, this (whatever it is) is worth staying sober for. This is enough to make me happy without the need for a nightly, weekly, or monthly splurge of unconsciousness.

Okay, now I know I'm rambling. Sorry. I've been averaging 10 posts a day here for two weeks now, and many of them have been long. I think my brain is starting to misfire.