Boro Nut

I think I am losing my best mate. We have been friends ever since we were at school. I have never been able to talk to anybody else like I talked to him. We shared all our most intimate secrets. Up until last month we met up every day. We never did anything that we didn�t do together. Mostly we never did anything though.

Then Paul came on the scene. He thinks he is so clever. Next thing I know my mate is making excuses not to come round. After a few days his manner changed, and he was quite brusque on the phone, saying I should stop bothering him. I know he wasn�t ill like he said either because he went nightclubbing with Paul and didn�t get in till 3 o�clock. I know this for a fact because I was in the hedge from 7:30. It�s been �Paul this� and �Paul that� ever since. How can I compete with Paul? He thinks he is so much better than me just because has a car and washes regularly.

Then a whispering campaign started against me. First it was just Paul and my mate, then everybody in shops started. Now even strangers in passing vehicles are doing it. It was a cruel thing for him to do, especially as I was feeling vulnerable that my medication had been stopped. And my mate is really screwing me around. When I see them together in the street he just tells me to fuck off to my face in front of everybody. Yet away from the crowd in the privacy of my home he couldn�t be nicer. He tells me he is so so sorry for what he has done, and that I am the best mate he has ever had, and he would never do anything to hurt me, and he wants to move in and live with me forever, by sending me subliminal messages when I am playing my Doris Day LP�s. Why does he do this to me?

I feel like I should just let it go and forget about him but I�m worried he might show them where all the graves are. He�s forgotten I have a key to his allotment, and sometimes I feel like going down there and necking all his pigeons. It happened once before and he was absolutely gutted. I got my picture in the local paper back then for chasing the gang off and saving a few of the chicks. I was his hero then. I bet Paul would have just shit his pants and ran off. I got 50 quid from the public purse even though it was me really. Should I let bygones be bygones and try to make up with him? I can�t take it out on his mother forever as I need the cellar space for other projects. What should I do?

Bill Snedden

Ummm....you are a genius...

A very strange and disturbing genius, but a genius neverthless...

Gurdur

Try Viagra.

Demosthenes

nevermind

HaysooChreesto!

...around and around, around and around, around and around, around and around, around and around, around and around, around and around...

Getting on the dolphins back and riding it to the deserted desert island after falling from the treehouse as a young child may be the way to set things not so wrong...