Darkwitness

Hi all. I have been a long time lurker here, but this will be my first post. I'm sure I will get the same warm welcome others have received, and I thank you all.

Briefly about me, and then I'll get to the point. I live in the great theocratic State of Utah. I was raised Mormon, but left the church shortly after I was baptised at 8. I've never been back to any church since. For the next 17 years I hovered somewhere between Deism and Agnosticism, but 7 years ago my daughter was born and I made the leap to full Atheism. I'm now 32, engaged to a wonderful woman, and have a beautiful daughter.

::Sigh:: I'm in the midst of a particularly harsh custody battle, and we have finally reached the evaluation stage. The mother and I met together with the evaluator this last Wednesday. Much to my surprise she attacked my Atheism!! In the 8 years I have known and lived with her she has never been to church, my daughter has never been to church. This had been a non-issue in our home up til now. I'm sure she is banking on the fact that a doctor, in Utah, is most likely Mormon and typical of that breed highly judgemental. I'm not sure how to defend against this unexpected attack.

I've been given homework, both my fiance and me, we are to write an autobiography of ourselves that touches on several areas. One of these areas is labeled "Religious Preference: are you a member of a particular religion and what, if any, role does it play in you and your childs life."

Other factors will certainly be taken into account, I was prepared to defend other criticisms of my parenting, I felt that when it was all fought out, I would prevail. I'm just not sure how to deal with these latest issues.

muon

My advice: don't come to here for advice! You need to consult a lawyer who can help you to counter these attacks, and answer the questions in the best light possible.

Best of luck----I feel for you.

beth

I really feel for you. I know that if my husband and I don't resolve things, we will be headed for divorce. He's already told me that he'll take the kids. I know that he will try to use my atheism as a factor for getting custody. If we go to trial in my small town instead of the city, he has a good chance of winning. It's terrible the way religion can come into play in such matters.

Darkwitness

I have a lawyer of course, that's what has gotten me this far. I've been to court. It was the judge that ordered the evaluation in the first place. He will eventually decide this with the evaluator's recomendation weighing heavily in his mind. The evaluator has a phd, in psychology, and this will be a long, drawn out process. He'll have several private interviews, with both parents and both step-parents. We are to take tests (MMPI, and another) and we'll have conjoint meetings.

What scares me is depending on how fundie the doctor is all other considerations may be irrelevant. And that she's faking her opposition makes it worse.

scarmig

I am not a member of a particular religion.

OCLonghorn

It may be too late for this, but was there any latitude in the appointment of this doctor? Although appointed by the court, the court may be receptive to inclusion/exclusion of certain factors in the appointee.

He may also be subject to a conflicts check. You said that, up to now, your atheism has been a non-issue, but now that it is...if your attorney can make a good argument about seeking to avoid "any appearance of bias", you can seek to remove him and have another doctor appointed...then see above re: determining the characteristics you would like in a doctor.

Is the mother trying to portray herself as mormon? I wonder which would draw a more negative inference from a devout mormon judge or doctor...a non-practicing "lukewarm" fair-weather, cafeteria mormon, or an acknowledged atheist? Maybe he'll hold the former to a higher standard. Nah, as long as there are kids to be recruited, I think you are in trouble.

But at least the stage is set for an appeal.