cheetah

Yikes! Now, I am tricking him by just telling him my name and talking?? I am tricking him because I do not volunteer information that would make the conversation awkward and information that was never requested of me? I think that is harsh. It's not tricking just because I do not immediately state something plainly that the man is unwilling to discuss or bring up plainly.

Sigh, I guess I brought this on myself, by asking what men would want to happen, but I really was just asking what they WOULD want. It certainly sounds like many men expect women to give up any hope of having the fun they want, just in order not to delay the fun the men want. If they want to play their game, I'll play mine, too, as another poster said. However, being generous, I'll continue to try to make it clear early on in a nice way, without immediately cutting off the conversation.

Again, thanks for your opinions, but I think there is a difference in what women should do and what men would like women to do.

cheetah

I kind of like that idea. I felt different about a guy spedning money than just time. If he wants to waste his time (or money, even) that's up to him, but money is different to me, and I'll help him choose not to, out of courtesy. In this instance, it was already too late, because my friend had already placed her order on his charge and they were both looking at me, before I even knew the offer was there. Besides, this guy must have known he was taking an EVEN GREATER chance of wasting his money on the drinks, when he probably knew he wouldn't get both of us and, in fact, only ultimately asked her on a date (not me...maybe it's because there were some other men I was interacting with at the time). So, what do you say to that, males? He wasn't even going to ask me out, but offered me a drink anyway. Did I still "trick" him?

js_africanus

So, his buddy was trying to score with your friend, eh? I don't think you tricked anybody. Let's be honest, if you're wearing a wedding band & engagement ring combo, then he should have noticed that. I still see the gracious refusal of the drink as the best option, though you didn't have the chance to do that, it doesn't sound like you were out of line. I've known plenty of women who go to the bar with no money simply because they know that they won't have to buy themselves drinks--it's not like you set out to take advantage of the courting dance just to get free drinks.

Shadowy Man

Maybe a guy's opening line should be:

"If there's a non-zero probability that we may end up having sex tonight, I will buy you a drink and talk to you."

Then you wouldn't have to worry about it.

jkizer

How's this for an opening line?

"Given p as the probability that we will engage in sexual activity tonight, and the function f, the output of which is one if I will buy you a drink and talk to you, and zero if I will not buy you a drink and talk to you, for all p>0, f(p)=1, and for p=0, f(p)=0. Given these definitions, is p>0 a true inequality?"

Daisy

I agree that it's taking advantage to accept the drink unless you insist on buying the next round. Drink-buying and drink-accepting are very unsubtle signals.

So what does a girl do who isn't attached but is also not interested in being picked up? Guys get really pissy if you don't talk to them and call you a snot, but if you do talk to them, you're expected to fuck them (or date them) or get labeled a bitch.

(I never did go to bars much and I despised dating. I'm so glad I'm married now and don't have to put up with that crap so much.)

LianaLi

That's funny. If I don't want attention when I go out with friends, I put on a wedding ring set, and play with it if someone doesn't get the clue. But usually, when I wear one, I don't get the attention of men trying to pick up women. I say shame on the guys for offering to buy you drinks when you are obviously taken.

Cheetah- I sympathize. I find it hard dealing with guys, simply because it's so easy to become a bitch or a tease if you say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing. If you're too nice in saying no, then they take that as encouragement, and then you do have to whip out the bitch and say "No, I'm not interested. Go the fuck away." If you're too mean, too fast, you're just a plain bitch. If you give the just friends spiel, and really mean it, you're a tease, because you're spending too much company with a guy, and you have no intention of putting out, even when you've already stated you just want to be friends. Sometimes, it feels like you're supposed to be responsible for his actions too, which isn't fair. But maybe that's just me.

-Liana

Shadowy Man

Hey, with the right woman that just might work!!

brighid

It's not just you My experience has been much the same. If you are polite, all too often they think you don't really mean "no" and persisit ... and then you say no, really I am just here with my friends to dance ... and they still persist and then when you just walk away ... bitch ... if you accept a drink from a guy who initially appears interesting (but through conversation you find out he isn't as interesting as originally thought) he gets pissed if you don't spend the rest of the evening chatting him up, and still others think that accepting a drink somehow translates to "yeah baby, I wanna fuck." Now ... if you say no, you aren't interested and smile and turn away you get often called a bitch or a dyke. If you actually engage in conversation and again find out he really isn't doing it for you - TEASE, oh and if you are out there on the dance floor shaking your ass but you don't want him grinding himself against you because dancing isn't an invitation to be groped ... bitch ... but imagine what a bitch you would be called if you were simply direct, cut to the chase because we all know an invitation to buy you a drink is just a "fancy" way of asking to get in your pants ... and said, "Dude, really I am sooo not available/interested (flash that ring), but I do know a street corner where the price of a drink WILL get you a blow job!"??


Brighid

LianaLi

I hate that one! I'll freely admit, right here, right now, infront of any and all witnesses, that I am a tease. I enjoy shaking my toned little booty, in front of an audience, just so long as that audience does NOT touch me without invitation. Is that so hard to understand? *sigh*

Then again, apparently, sometimes breathing is just an invitation for a come on line.

You go on your own fucking merry way. Eventually, you give up trying to account for everyone else's stomped feelings, because you can't account for the way they act or take your response. And if it earns you the label bitch or tease, so be it. I'll take that over a lack of respect any day of the week.

-Liana