DarkBronzePlant

But what if you're not discounting all that? What if you truly enjoy the other person, and make every effort to hang out, talk, etc, with them? But you don't find them attractive, so you don't persue a more physically intimate relationship. Is that shallow? Would it be better to ignore the fact that you aren't physically attracted to the other person in the name of "not being shallow"?

Adrammalech

Coming from someone who believes that he would most certainly benefit from a world that wasn't "shallow", looks do play a role, along with demeanor, cleanliness, personality aspects and any of another hundreds of different variables that people set themselves as the standard of finding a partner.

Shallow to me is someone who jumps from person to person in a hedonistic fashion solely on the basis of looks. These people are not looking for partners, just mere simplistic animal pleasure.

When looking for a girlfriend, I do in fact take looks into account. It's not a huge factor, but a significant one nontheless. The three factors that I personally weigh the most are:

Intelligence, the more subjects she knows in depth, the better.
Humour, must have an excellent and broad sense of humour, must think that everything from Road Runner to Jon Stewart is funny.
Eyes, I'm a sucker for green or brown eyes, and definately a sucker for girls in glasses, probably has to do with simply looking intelligent as well.

lunachick

[nitpick] Perhaps educated is a better term for what you want here. [/nitpick]

miscreant

I don't think you can so easily separate looks and personality like that. A persons personality has a lot to do with their looks. It influences the clothes a person chooses, the perfume they wear, whether they decide to color their hair, and what color they choose, etc...

Most of the time when I'm attracted to a person, I'm attracted to their looks, but because of the fact that their personality influence their looks. Even if someone "pays no attention" to how they look, that in itself says something about their personality.

Miscreant

meritocrat

No, that is not being shallow at all.

In my view, being shallow is simply 'weighing up' a potential partner solely on the basis of their looks and not taking into account any other aspect of the person.

Monkeybot

Well, I think it's sort of a no-brainer that in order to want a sexual relationship with someone, you're going to want to find them physically attractive.

What it actually means to be "physically attractive," on the other hand, is entirely up for debate.

I can think of lots of men I've found incredibly sexy that are not "traditionally" good looking. Similarly, I can think of beautiful people I don't find particularly sexy. Geoffrey Rush does more for me than Brad Pitt, for example -- even though I can see where Brad Pitt is the "better-looking" individual. If that makes any sense.

In a physical relationship, physical attributes matter, but how they matter varies from person to person.

Shadowy Man

Like me, eh Monkeybot.


It's the shadowy bit... all the women are drawn to it.

Daisy

I've met people who were not so attractive at first, but as I got to know them, prettied up. Over time, the looks I associate with those good personalities, become what I find attractive.

I've also known people to ugly up real fast.

beth

No, it's the shoe size...

meritocrat

That's PC crap.

Doesn't EVERYBODY judge on appearance in some regard? And I'm not talking about finding partners but in life in general.

No offence, but in my opinion, looks DO matter.