Buddrow_Wilson

Well, for the rest of my life now when I hear someone (often a sweet old person) say "fer cryin' out loud!" I'm thinking "Fuck Ryan out loud!" Yeeha.

The Cromwell Institute

Cheesy Fucking Jesus!

That is fucking priceless.

I swear like a motherfucking sonofabitch around friends, family and workmates, but I can control it around people who don't know me that well.

I learnt this skill from the master, my father. His swearing is more notable for its passionate conviction and inflection than for quantity. His very finest work, after having half a gallon of used, dirty engine oil spilt on him:

"Fucking CUNT of a SHIT! "

The delivery cannot be done true justice by this post. It was truly, truly magnificent.

Silent Dave

When I get really angry, I swear in all parts of speech. Ex: FUCKING FUCKER'S FUCKING FUCKED! FUCK!

Or, alternately, I just rattle off the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television.


Dave

Opera Nut

I try to be creative and come up with novel combinations.

Foreign languages are good. I once knew a legal secretary who called her boss's former girlfriend a "whore dog slut from hell". That's creative.

Funny note: My daughter went to Montessori school for years. When she was about five, she proudly came into the den, and showed me and my mom her first compound word. She said "B-O-O-L is bull, and S-H-I-T is shit". She had written "BOOLSHIT".

My mom busted a gut laughing and so did I. Laura said that she heard the kids at school saying it and didn't know it was bad. We told her she better spell her cusswords right.

There is a saying that "In Texas the goal of a public education is to teach children to write a simple declarative sentence without the word "bullshit" in it." But hey, in Montessori school, it comes early!!!!


I used to call my dogs yappy little shit bags, buttmunch, asswipe, carpet surfer, sweet little idiot, weasel, recto-dog. The BF would say, "Hey, dog, we need a shitbag in here. You know any shitbags around here?" Actually they were his dogs and I got attached to them. Not real bright, but sweet.

There was a dinky little chihuahua next door that would wander around -- we called him the barking mosquito and barking snotwad.

Wildheart

I never swear.







However, I do occasionally lie.

mongrel

I find myself doing this. I swear a lot, IRL, but I try to tone it right down in front of my son, who knows what a "bad word" is. Still, occasionally, I'll inadvertently let something slip.

On-line, I don't swear all that much- although it does happen, usually to emphasise a point- as I'm too lazy/slow to type extra words...

Calzaer

I might also mention that the best way to get me to let loose with a string of vehemet invective is to put me in a situation where I hit my head on something.

Normally, I'm a big wuss. If I stub my toe, or hit my funny bone, or something, I'll just say "ow" and whine. But I have this thing about hitting my head. It pisses me off. I have yet to figure out why. And I'm 6'5", so it happens not infrequently.

Once, I hit my head on the celing while going down a set of steps into the basement... my friend upstairs decribed the squence of sounds as follows:

*Thump thump thump THUMP!* "JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING STICK! WHAT MOTHERFUCKING DUMBASS ARCHITECT MADE THIS FUCKING CELING SO GODDAMNED LOW! Fuck!" *thump thump thump, incoherent grumbling*

Novowels

I use "swear words[tm]" about as much as I use any other words.

Maybe a little more.

Ok, maybe a lot fucking more.

To paraphrase Carlin re: explicit lyrics/language:

"Explicit means 'fully and clearly expressed,' why would I want to avoid such a thing?"

VonEvilstein

Sounds like a good save from "bastard" to me.

I swear a lot. Shit, bugger (or buggery), godsdam (I'm not picky - any god who happens to hear me, is welcome to do some damning on my behalf), and smeg would be the most commonly used forms of invective. Plus, I really enjoy swearing in Dutch - any adjective can get the name of a disease attatched to it, and become a Bad Word. A lot of swearing in Dutch has to do with wishing diseases on things and people... my Mum was quite appalled by this, when we first moved here.

Daisy

When I was a teenager, I lived in Manhattan. Walking down the street, I'd get a lot of colorful suggestions from the denizens. I tried cussing back at them, but nothing was as effective as, "Shut up, Stupid."

I don't cuss much now, but it depends on how you define "much". And how you define "cuss"...

My sister, a minister's wife (among other things), once told her boys that "butt" was vulgar and they weren't to use the word. The next neighbor lady they visited greeted them, "Well hi, y'all. Sit yor butts down here and have some lemonade". At least sis has sense of humor enough to have told the story.