doubtingt

Any good ideas out there for an atheist wedding ceremony?

mjennyt

My husband and I got married 2.5 years ago. The Justice of the Peace was a friend of the family and agreed to refrain from any mention of religious crap.

We wrote out own vows and planned the ceremony the way we wanted it.

We got married at a state park that also has a hotel/bed and breakfast type setup.

Overall it worked out well.

CX

Vegas, baby! Sin city! Go to the Church of Rock & Roll and get married by Jimi Hendrix. Oh...wait...you said good ideas. Nevermind.

I had some secular friends who got married by a nontheist ULC minister (a mutual friend of ours) outside the reception hall. They wrote their own vows and it was all in all a very moving ceremony.

sakrilege

My atheist niece is getting married at the UU church in Evanston in a few months. Check out The Humanist Society of Friends for finding a Humanist celebrant.

nj_heathens

Now you've started a thread on a subject I'm intimately familiar with!

Mr. Heathen and I were married in a humanist ceremony with a Renaissance flair last August. The ceremony was held in a public garden. A small picture of the "aisle" we walked can be found at the top left corner of this page.

The celebrant was licensed by The American Humanist Association and the Humanist Society of Friends. That page has a link to a listing of Humanist celebrants, including two in the Chicago area (if current).

Our wedding party was small, only us and our best friends serving as best man and matron of honor. We entered into this marriage as equals and therefore walked into the garden together without parental escort (this is also the second marriage for both of us). We wrote the vows ourselves, chose all music to be played and performed live, created and printed our own invitations. My dress was very simple Georgette silk and lace with a chapel train and the men wore Renaissance-period shirts under custom-designed jerkins in our colors of burgundy and forest green. My matron of honor made my hairpiece of hand-colored ceramic lilies and pearls cascading throughout my loosely curled updo (hair).

We consulted several books about planning a wedding that would be anything but ordinary (or theistic):

The New Wedding: Creating Your Own Marriage Ceremony by Khoren Arisian

Weddings for Grownups: Everything You Need to Know to Plan Your Wedding Your Way by Carroll Stoner

Green Weddings That Don't Cost the Earth by Carol Reed-Jones

Ceremonies & Celebrations by Dally R. Messenger (the National President of the Australian Federation of Civil Celebrants who is currently living in NJ to work with Celebrant USA Foundation.)

and the American Humanist Association's 29-page pamphlet published in 1964 titled Humanist Wedding Ceremonies. This is difficult to come by and we borrowed a friend's copy until I found it and AHA's A Humanist Funeral Service (1962) on eBay for around $3.00 for both.

As I mentioned, we created our own invitations. On the front we paraphrased from the writing of Robert G. Ingersoll (and credited him):

In true marriage
two hearts burst into flower.
Two lives unite. They melt in
music. Every moment is a melody.
The home where virtue dwells with love
is like a lily with a heart of fire --
the fairest flower in the world.

Our processional music was Dick's Maggot followed by Barham Down by Bare Necessities and the bridal party (!) (who perform early English and Irish music together as "Faire Morning") sang the Kings Singers arrangement of fellow atheist Billy Joel's And So It Goes.

Our two readings were The Art of a Good Marriage by Wilferd Arlan Peterson and I Love You by Roy Croft. My favorite verse from Croft's poem contains:

"I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy."

Our "benediction" included this variation of the Apache Wedding Prayer [in brackets]:

"[Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all of the years.

May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.]

Dream what you will. Go where you will. Be what you will. You have this life and this chance to be happy. Live life to the limits of its potential."

At the end of the ceremony, we planted a tree in the park, and spoke:

[Mr. Heathen]: "Today, [Mrs. Heathen] and I celebrate with you not the culmination, but a milestone in our young relationship. Since our lives became intertwined, we have grown together, each week, each month, each year. We plant today not a seed, but a sapling, already strong and true, still growing.

[Mrs. Heathen]: This dogwood is still establishing its roots in the earth. Our marriage marks not the beginning of our relationship, but a measure of its strength and commitment. We draw strength not only from the fresh air of summer, but also from the roots of our lives. We are bonded today to each other and, like the tree, also to the earth."

We didn't want the ceremony to include any "in your face" atheistic pronouncements because we have many family members and friends who are theistic, and discussing our wedding plans (not being in a church or performed by a priest) were some of the first indications to them of our atheistic philosophy. The reception was pretty much your standard reception (for a generally older crowd), except that we had no bouquet toss or garter toss because the bride has always considered those rituals tacky. In your 40's, there's no fun in symbolically announcing to the whole freakin' room that your unmarried friends are likely to stay that way.

Well, I guess that about covers it. If you'd like to see a transcript of our wedding vows I'd be happy to email it to you. Just send a PM my way with an address. Also, there are plenty of web sites and personal wedding pages from which you can get ideas, advice and support. Much of it comes from the UK and Australia, where civil ceremonies are far more common.

Congratulations and good luck with the planning!

Mrs. Heathen

P.S. I'm hoping to submit this post for consideration of a Pulitzer Prize for Useless Female Claptrap.

girlwriter

doubtingt

My hubbie and I were still theists when we got married, so I'll leave ceremony advice to others. (Looks like that's covered already anyway)

Check out your local nursuries, parks service, historical buildings/monuments, bed and breakfasts and such for locations.

Godot

Personally, I wouldn't recommend marriage to anyone. My partner and I have been together for nigh-on 8 years so far, and there's no chance of us getting married. Not everyone's cup of tea, and not quite the sort of advice you were looking for doubtingt, but it's just my two cents worth.

Richard1366

I understand that in most states, anyone can be appointed as a "Justice of the Peace" for a day to conduct a wedding ceremony. Always thought that having a good friend, or relative preside over a wedding would be really great. No need to involve any organization even resembling a church (i.e. UU) to be a part of that wonderful day.

How about a sunrise wedding with a breakfast reception? (Have the wedding party wear matching pajamas??)

Maybe a costume wedding? Possibly add a theme, i.e. Alice in Wonderland?

Beach wedding?

Midnight wedding?

The possiblilties for time, location, themes, etc. are endless.

Good Luck...

Viti

nj_heathens what a beautiful ceremony...thank you for sharing!

Godot...unfortunately, in the US spouses have certain rights and privelages not extended to domestic partners like health insurance benefits and medical decisions.

brighid

Doubting,

There is a Humanist Minister that serves the Chicagoland and Indiana area. He will conduct your ceremony any way you wish. No mention of God, Jesus, Ganesh ... or anything else. I highly recommend him: http:/www.dayofdreams.com

Brighid