Friar Bellows

No, my mother experienced the same thing when she was suffering from severe depression.

VonEvilstein

My depression took a long time to build up - about 12 years from first signs to full blown clinical depression. It finally felled me when I was 22. There were some big factors that contributed - my family moving to a new conutry, then moving back again, just as I finally started to like being where I was, my parents splitting up (they got back together, thank goodness) and the huge, unbelievable dissappointment that was university all played their part. But I think the bottom line is that I was always predisposed to getting a clinical depression, due to slightly less than optimal brain chemical levels. Personally, I alwys believed it was much more of a factor than my experiences, which, on an aware level at least, I didn't really find that bad.

Therapy did nothing for me, until the final session of therapy, where the dude (my fifth therapist) told me they'd decided therapy wasn't really going to help me much. That was a big boost to my recovery, as I'd really just been going along to put my Mum's mind at rest.
When I finally got smoe meds that did it for me, that was a big step too. Of course, I now forget the brand-name, but a nice high dose of it got me stable again.

It still comes back to get me, sometimes. My depression will never really be over, I don't suppose, but I can live with a day or two of personal hell every month, when my strength proves not enough. After all, I had about four years of personal hell everyday, so this is a big improvement.

Clarice

Man, I don't know who the hell your doctors are, because even I know that a feeling of emotional emptiness is a classic sign of depression. Sure, some people become teary when depressed (this is me when moderately depressed), but it's just as common for the person to feel completely numb (I've felt like this when severely depressed).

As to when I last had symptoms of depression, I'd say it was within a month or two of losing my job-from-hell. You'd think I'd have learned that my major trigger is trying to do something professionally that I am not cut out for. My major episodes have been when I was an engineering student, a law student, and a lawyer. I still notice a tendency toward depressive cognitive distortions when I'm not in a soul-sucking career situation, but I am able to control them and feel happy.

The Insomniac

I think my depression was caused by a lot of long term situational depressions younger in life, and the great quantity of drugs I used, from about 15-19 years of age -- I did 'em all (smoked pot every day, drank heavily a couple times of week[more frequently later in my teens], mushrooms 5-6 times, smoked PCP 3 times, took LSD 15-20 times, sniffed coke 20-30 times, sniffed heroin 20-30 times [and briefly got physically addicted to it, which hurt so bad I instantly quit and never touched it since], I think all that has definitely played a large part in my brain chemistry. I was a fucked up kid, in a crowd full of fucked up kids, some of them are in jail for life -- I got out lucky.

When is the last time you "suffered" from depression?

I have clinical depression and I am like you, I do not "suffer" from it, in terms of any emotional suffering. The only way I can conceive that I do suffer is in the choices and lack of choices I make. I think I've had it since I was 14 or 15, and I feel considerably different than I did back then -- more dulled down and numb, I'm sure some of it is just getting older, but I am just generally much less emotional than I was before. I think it cuts both ways, both into happiness and sadness -- I can't remember the last time I was really, really happy, or, really, really sad, really shamed or really proud, I get angry maybe once a year or so, but when I do I get very angry.

Probably neeedless to say, but when things do not affect you in any great or drastic manner that will definitely cut your motivition to shreds, mine certainly has been, when not on SSRIs. Without vast differences in emotional responses what does it matter? If something makes one happy they will do it more, if something makes one sad, or feel bad, they will avoid that -- with me it's just like so many things don't really matter at all. The only things that I can think of that would affect me at all is the deaths of close family and friends. The difference is drugs do work for me, I just don't have a job (perhaps a lack of motivation in there ), and when I did have a job it was a shitty job with no benefits, and payed so poor I couldn't really afford medication without insurance.

Jagged

IMO the question is as futile as the chicken and the egg argument. People need help, so help them already.

Religious types are the worst, but I just got told this by a run-of-the-mill secular date. Ouch.For me it is not that I cannot think rationally. In fact (and I know you didn't mean this Helen hi btw) I really resent the assumption that depressives are impaired on a rational level. Depression is a MOOD disorder, meaning it impairs the emotions. And it is not that you cannot convince me rationally that it would be good if I went out and got some exercise. In fact I totally agree with you. It is that I don't give half a fuck about myself and cannot find the motivation to do a goddamn thing on my behalf. If I believe myself to be a worthless piece of shit I am not about to waste the effort taking it out and walking it.

The only way to get thru to me at that point is to actively show me that YOU care about me. For instance, coming to my house and getting me up and taking a walk with me. Then I can "borrow" that and start to believe I'm worthy of being cared about, plus the boost I get from getting exercise. PISSES ME OFF no end to hear the platitutes that come out of people's mouths when I'm in a really bad way--it only reinforces my belief that they couldn't care less about me. It is SO EASY to tell someone what to do. It is a hell of a lot harder to actively care about them.

[/rant]

The Insomniac

I know there are at least a few (975 around and about, according to current population levels of "II") infidelic depressives out there, so this bump is specifically for them.

Speak on it.