PassingFair

URGH! He's been married for 12 years. At first he said it didn't affect his relationship at all - she and her family were fundies and he was an agnostic, and for many years, it didn't. Then, about 4 years ago, he started mentioning that there were problems in the marriage. I told him not to worry, blah, blah, blah, all marriages go through stages, blah, blah, blah. Then he really became depressed, he told me that they weren't sleeping together anymore, and though he wanted another child, she was cutting him off for the forseeable future. He stayed depressed for and long time, and then he suddenly started spouting doctrinaire crap at Thanksgiving. Knocking our traditional agnostic/atheist family values. Well, they seem happy as can be, now. She no longer stays at home when he comes over here. They don't exactly prosthelitize (sp?), but they are quite smug. He seems so much happier, that none of us wants to tip the canoe, and our conversations haven't been as riproarin as they always were. My mom doesn't want any of us to make waves, but I giving them a couple more months, and then it's back to the normal debunking conversations for me!

:banghead:

The Other Michael

If life is going better for him, more power to him.

His conversion doesn't seem to me to be anything that requires the rest of the family to modify their behavior.

Apply the same standards in your discussions as we do here - attack the arguments, not the person. If the rest of the folks want to have a discussion and he wants to sit out, well fine - not every discussion is to every person's taste. But if he wants to mix it up with the rest of the family his views, as I presume are everyone elses views, are fair game. You just have to make it clear that he's still your much-loved little brother and that has no bearing on the fact that you think one or more of his beliefs don't hold up to a rational inspection. It sounds like he's quite welcome to try and convince the rest of you that you are wrong and he is right, so as long as everyone is getting a chance to have their say, he's got no reason to beef.

I suspect that the wife is more likely to be the problem - forcing him against you because he's not toeing her line. But he's an adult and gets to decide which relationships are of higher priority to him. About all you can do is make it clear that you are still there for him if he and/or his wife decide that he needs to withdraw a bit from the family.

cheers,
Michael

KitKit

that just sucks! it's always so frustrating to see family members cross over to the dark side. but what can you do? just hope he comes to his senses i suppose. or be happy for him that he is satisfied living in his blissful ignorance.

butswana

Sorry folks. Couldn't do it. An interdiction would be in order.
Not that there is any thing to worry about in my family though. My younger brother laughs himself to tears when I rail on the absurdity of christianity(much to the dismay of his Christmas/Easter Catholic wife) at family gatherings.

Mageth

A long time ago I had a close friend and co-worker who was very intelligent, decidedly anti-religious, and agnostic. He either married a Jehovah's Witness or his wife converted after they were married (I can't remember which; I do know that the rest of her family were JWs, so she probably was one when they married). Anyways, we used to have long conversations about his situation, where he would complain about the JW religion and how it was causing a lot of difficulties in his marriage. It didn't seem likely that he'd ever fall into that stuff.

Anyway, after not seeing him for about a year, I met him for lunch one day. He had turned into a glassy-eyed, babble-spouting Jehovah's Witness zombie. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in my whole life.

muon

It's always very sad when religion kills a living brain ...

Zora

How depressing. I've never had this happen in my family. But, happily, I do feel it goes the other way just as often. My husband's family was kinda religious. His Mom wanted him to be a minister. (Fortunately, he discovered beer, which disrupted his religious zeal for awhile.) He married me, an atheist. And, after 32 years of marriage, he now is as "deconverted" as a person can get.

You shouldn't have to change your opinions or conversation to keep peace. You are what you always were, and they know it. Why do these women marry freethinkers in the first place? Husband and I had the "atheist" conversation before we went very far into our relationship and even discussed raising atheist vs. theist children before we had them.

Its hard to predict the future. But maybe this is a temporary fix to keep peace while the kids are growing up. When your brothers realize that life was a lot more fun when it had some peaks and valleys instead of flat fundyland...they may come out of it. I've seen it happen a lot.

Meantime, keep in touch with your brothers. Lunch without the fundy wives is a good idea. Don't lecture. Do state your concern if they are showing that flat-line Stepford attitude. Its all you can do.

Rhea

You know, it's interesting. I notice that more than a few conversions happen in order to obtain sex. Hunh.

butswana

Yeah, some guys will do any thing to get some pussy.

crab juice

Rhea- A friend of mine converted to Christianity after being a practicing Wiccan for years, even living with his mom's coven in the midwest. He did it for the chicks. Personally, I feel that if you're not getting laid as a pagan, you should give up.