Pomp

I do not expect to be surprised by the emotional experience of having children.

For some reaosn, this line cracks me up. Isn't it almost tautologicaly true that you can't expect to be surprised?

DRFseven

So all these people who HAVE had the experience are lying or wrong about what they feel, but you, who have NEVER had the experience, are right?

Right.

tronvillain

DRFseven:
Did you even read the sentence you quoted? I have heard virtually no parents claim that the the experience involves some unimaginable emotional experience.

DRFseven

What does it mean to say you can imagine a feeling you've never felt? To say you can expect that the feeling will be new and that you expect you will experience some other level of involvement is different from saying you can imagine how it feels.

echidna

I have another potentially divisive question, which I hope will not be perceived as such.

Is there a general difference between male and female parents ? Generally I perceive a much stronger emotional bond from mothers. I find that the "you wouldn’t understand" line comes far more from mothers than from their partners. Generally I perceive that many of the fathers I know (for whatever reasons), are less phased by the transformation than their partners.

I know the genders of many of the correspondents here, but not all. I think the males are : echidna, Tronvillain, Pompous Bastard, John Page, Jamie_L, Comenius, WWSD. Females are : DRF7, Sivakami S, DMB, Alec0. ‘Fraid I can’t pick the rest.

So here’s the question which no one can objectively answer :

Is the statement "you wouldn’t understand" more true for females than for males ?

John Page

I agree, but you wouldn't understand if I told you.

Viti

I have been married 10 years and we have fertility problems. I have two choices

1) Accept that we may remain childless and learn to live with it...and maybe (gasp) even STILL manage to trod through this life with a smile on my pathetic non-parent face

or

2) Become obsessed with pregnancy, sell everything we own and mortgage the rest to pay for painful expensive infertility treatments all the while bursting into tears at the site of every pregnant woman, bore fertile people with my talk about basal body temps, IVF, and urine samples, and schedule sex only to be disappointed by the 25% success rate ALL because the parents of this world don't think a childfree person can be mature or happy

BTW....I have recently begun to get HOSTILE comments from my friends blesserized with children. Comments like "Well I guess when you don't have kids you can go on cruises and have gourmet handbags...you just have fun planning your weekend to Palm Springs..." and "Yes, my marriage is falling apart, but I don't have the luxury of just leaving him because I have two kids"

Is it even remotely possible that some of you more hostile "you are not human until you breed" parents are a teeny bit envious, or that you sometimes miss the freedom you had before the kids came?


Sorry, I do not want to be a bitch here. I love the kids in my life....my niece is my joy and looks and acts more like me than her own Mom...I hope you parents find your kids a joy and raise great human beings...but, I do see some people "protesting too much"

alek0

I most certainly hear it more from females. As well as the lines "you will change your mind later", "you can't be happy without kids" etc.

Maybe that's why I prefer male company Less stories on diaper contents, too

DRFseven, even though most of the parents here are quite moderate, IRL I regularly encounter militant types claiming that one must have children in order to experience true happiness. And telling such a thing to a person with fertility problems is about the same as telling a guy in a wheelchair that he can never experience true happiness without playing basketball.

DRFseven

Women usually start out stronger due to physiology and the way societies are structured. The structure is changing, though. When I take my granddaughter to "Toddler Storytime" at the library, I notice there are a few Daddies there, just as involved and engaged (making play-dates with other toddlers, toting diapers, Cheerios and juice), as the Mommies. Same thing at the park. But very young infants who are in the early bonding stage usually spend much more time with their mothers, so there is just much more opportunity for interaction (and for telling others thrilling tales about smiles, teeth, poopy diapers, etc.).

For actually using the phrase, "You wouldn't understand", I don't know who would tend to use it more. Probably women, in general, because of having more experience with children. I know my husband tells PC users who try to tell him what's wrong with the Mac that they wouldn't understand much more often than I do because he's in the graphics business and so talks about it more.

DRFseven

But who here has protested that people who don't want them or have medical problems SHOULD have kids? I've seen just the opposite.