brighid

I think this is a rather true statement. I know it is true of myself, but I would like to point out that in such instances I personally find it important to listen to those people who are strong in the areas I am weak. Although I appreciate the empathy given by those who share my weaknesses I find it more helpful to surround myself with people who are stronger than myself because I desire to improve the areas of my weakness(es).

I know that I become impatient with persons, situations or behaviors that I see and can provide solutions to. It is very frustrating when you see someone you care for struggling with a problem over and over again, especially when that someone asks for your advice but choses not to act on it and continues to engage in behaviors that brought him/her to the problem in the first place. (Ironmonkey I don't mean you specifically, but people I experience in the real world such as some of my friends.)

Eventually you simply learn that you cannot help those who really don't want to be helped, even if they say they desire help.

Brighid

HelenM

Indeed.

But I do think that some of those people, even if they seem to ignore what you say when you say it, may come back to it at some later point in time and realize it's what they need to do - and do it.

If this is years after you said it you may never know that they actually took your advice.

I say this because I've heard people talk about their lives and about how it was years between when they were given some advice and when they were ready to act on it.

Helen

brighid

Yes, I agree. Although my personal frustration doesn't apply to IM's specific case (and because something of this nature occured very recently) ... I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to hear OVER and OVER again ..."Brig, you were right. I should have listened to your advice" ... and then to have them repeat the same destructive behavior a short time later. Arrrrggghhhhhh ... as a friend I become disillussioned and my emotional energy seems wasted. I simply hate to see people purposefully suffering (for YEARS), but I also realize that I cannot live another's life and although I may not think a choice wise I must abide by the decision made.

I know it may seem surprising, but in RL I have learned to pretty much just keep my mouth shut and nod with a polite smile.

Brighid

HelenM

lol

I understand. It's best to consider ahead of time whether a particular situation is worth an investment of your emotional energy or not.

I think that applies to giving advice and...well, just about everything to do with relationships!

Helen

Ted Hoffman

Thanks Helen and Brighid.
A lot has improved in our relationship and I have improved as an emotional being. We are getting better. I am getting better. Rest assured. The tongue always turns to the sore tooth. It doesnt mean all the teeth are bad.
Maybe I ough to start posting about the good things - but that would be boring huh?

HelenM

Hi IM,

I think it's common not to post until you hit a relationship road bump - and then you look for empathy/help/advice. I've seen other people do that. It's good to hear from you that overall you would say things are improving. I hope that continues!

take care
Helen