BrotherMan

Some say 'male!' others say 'female!' I can only honestly conclude that I don't know. Why don't I know?

Because no one can look upon her visage lest they be sent to THE BURNING LAKE OF FIRE FOR ETERNITY!

Damned heathens! Stop trying to peek up the IPU's skirt!

Stephen Maturin

You walk in darkness, my brother. Knowledge of Her Holy Horniness is derived through both reason and faith. We know via reason that She is invisible because we cannot see Her. To obtain knowledge of Her attributes, though, we must cast off the shackles of empiricism and seek the completeness of truth that only faith can bring. All you need do is believe that She is female, and perfect knowledge of that fact shall be given unto thee. The same method will confer perfect knowledge of Her pinkness.

For a detailed exposition of the foregoing, I refer you to the multi-volume treatise Summa Invisilogica. For numerous comprehensive proofs regarding the IPU and all her divine attributes, see the soon-to-be-published Critique of Pure Pinkness.

Jinto

Ladies and not-so-gentlemen, I have discovered a contradiction in the IPU Bible!

Apparently, these so-called "prophets" can't even agree on the gender of their deity. Now, let us go and wear schoolgirl uniforms.

ieyeasu

Oh, that's quite easy. The voice of the IPU is a completely different entity from the IPU herself. So it's possible for the voice to be male.

Theism logic.

Stephen Maturin

The scriptures are a seamless web, perfect and devoid of contradiction. As always, apparent contradictions vanish once allegedly problematic passage is viewed in context. Thus:

Hence, it is absolutely clear that the phrase "Thou shalt therefore obey the voice of the IPU" was uttered by the servants of the IPU, whereas the remainder of 27:10 emanates from the IPU Herself. The male term "his" refers to he through whom the IPU made Her commandments known. Those commandments and laws are "his" in the sense that he received the revelation and passed it on to the faithful. The laundry is "his" because, well, it's his.

And if the above explanation floateth not thy boat, keep in mind that the quotes passages are from "the original King George W Bush translation," such that "his" is an obvious error in translation.

And if the alternative explanation trippeth not thy trigger, then "his" is a simple transcription error that does not affect the scriptures' perfection.

Amen and amen.

Stephen T-B

�She� combines the best attributes of the Male, the Female and the Neutral, being at once attractive to men, women and anything in between.
It is convenient to refer to Her in the feminine because like a great sailing boat, �She� presents an image - or would do if we could see it - of stately grace and awesome power. (Unlike a boat, however, She has scales instead of planks, but otherwise the analogy serves Her well. Oh, and She doesn�t have sails.)
The important thing is, nothing inside or outside the Universe makes tastier toast than does the IPU, thanks to Her unique Horn which is able, very mysteriously, to turn the slice of bread round at the PRECISE moment when it�s turning a golden brown.
That�s why we say: �Eat Her toast, and your scrambled egg will love you.�
(Not everyone will have heard this, but it is well known in parts of Yorkshire.)

Shake

Was anyone else turned on by this part of the IPU tract:

?

I like the list item #2: Be willing to suck some more.

Jinto

Ugh. I hate women like that - they're a disgrace to their half of the species.

Stephen T-B

Scales? Scales!
I meant HAIR..
(I hope the IPU is a lot more forgiving than the horrible god Gemma's so keen on.)

Scotty

Don't worry, she was busy with the Great Shadow Stallion and thought you meant "scales" of justice...
-Scott