Nira

It�s not like she is vague or send conflicting messages. To me it read as : Back the f� off.

Benjamin Franklin

Yes I get the message clearly but it seems sad to lose the friendship over a minor understanding. I would like to salvage the frienship although I don't see how I can get her to talk to me so that I can explain that I was not propositioning her. Getting her to believe me would be another major problem.

Finally if she is angry with me over calling her too often, that can be explained by three days of lunancy which followed a twenty hour flight, the stress over look ging for a place to stay in London and my upcoming job interview, the disappointment of not being able to see her. Not that that is any excuse for my behvaiour but it makes it more understandble. And I was not bombarding her with calls everyday. I backed off after 3 days.

BF

[ December 24, 2002: Message edited by: Benjamin Franklin ]</p>

Benjamin Franklin

I don't know and why does it matterr ?


BF

[ December 24, 2002: Message edited by: Benjamin Franklin ]</p>

sakrilege

My advice is to send a note saying "I'm sorry" & that you value her friendship and then back off for a few months. Stay in touch with the flatmate but don't obsess on the English girl. Given time, she should be willing to accept your friendship again. If she continues to carry a grudge then she's probably not worth having as a friend.

LordSnooty

Why don't you just email her and explain?

Also, do you mean that you phoned her all these times, but she didn't pick up? If so, then it's her own fault you kept calling back, really. How are you supposed to know she's not answering through choice?

Benjamin Franklin

Yes I phoned her all these times but she did not pick up the phone. However she knows it is me calling her because I called her on her mobile using my mobile

I am not really surprised that she acted this way because I know when she is busy she does not answer the phone. Even her mum complains that she does not call her when she gets engrossed with her work.

It is just something that I am not used to. I would not have minded so much if she just spoke to me for a few minutes and then told me that she has to get on with her work. And she cannot be that busy. She spent the whole saturday afternoon watching the Star Wars DVD in her room (It helps when her flatmate is a close friend )

I am just pretty frustated at the whole way everything turned out. We were supposed to meet up on Friday for lunch and she promised me that on friday we would sort out how we would catch Lord of the Rings preview over the weekend and then all of a sudden not only is she too busy to meet up with me for a coffee during the weekend, she could not even spare a few minutes to talk to me, especially when I just flew all the way from Singapore to UK.

I am not claiming that I am not hugely or partly responsible for the way things have turned out so badly. I am just ranting at how frustated I feel.

BF

[ December 24, 2002: Message edited by: Benjamin Franklin ]</p>

Tom Sawyer

BF, I'd say leave her alone.

It may just be that she's just gotten out of a long term relationship and doesn't want people to call her or she may think that you want to step into the old boyfriend's shoes and she's not interested in you that way. Whatever the reason, I'd say back off.

You don't have to sever all contact with her, just don't call or email her for a while. If she just wants some time alone, that will give it to her and if she's not interested in you romantically, if you let things lie for a while you could salvage the friendship with her. If she thinks you don't want to be just friends and are only interested in a romantic relationship, then you won't be able to. Just leave her be for at least a few weeks and maybe her reaction will change.

However, a lot of women don't tell guys straight out that they're not interested in them, but give them subtle hints that she hopes the guy will pick up on. It sounds like she's giving you those hints so I don't think there's much possibility for any kind of romance between you two, but of course I could be wrong. Give her some time and try again if you'd like, but if I were you I'd start looking elsewhere.

Benjamin Franklin

Why do you think I invited her flatmate to spend a weekend with me ?


BF

Daggah

Well, if he dumped her she's probably going to be depressed over the end of the relationship for a while. If she dumped him, then she wanted him to be gone anyway, and it won't take her as long to get over it.

Acinom

Well, couldn't you leave a message or something?

I've read all these posts and it sounds like she's just not a very good person in terms of relationships. Not to bad mouth this girl or anything, but I've known people who just don't know how to preserve a friendship, who don't call for months at a time -- not because they don't like me, but because they just don't feel like being around people. It's good that you're trying to salvage this, but if she proves to be unresponsive for much longer, my guess is that trying to start a romantic relationship with her would be difficult even when she does turn around. And no doubt, this episode will have soured your friendship more than a little.

final advice: call and leave a message. if she doesn't call back, let it go.