AspenMama

blondegoddess--
Since this thread came here earlier today, I have been scanning it-- I started to edit some inappropriate posts before I realized this thread was parked somewhere else for a bit...

Anyway-- I don't know how old your children are, but I've got two myself-- ages 7 and 3. I've always been up front with them about my non-belief and have hopefully given them the tools to think for themselves. If you have doubts, why don't you share that with your kids?

You wrote--
Are you sure it is hope that your kids are feeling? When I was very young and for a short while tried to convince myself of the existance of a god-- it was a time filled with constant fear of doing something wrong accidently and going to a horrible place-- it was an out-of-control feeling. Your children may be relieved to find out that it is a story. When I decided that fear was the only reason to believe I also decided it was a bad reason to believe in something-- I became free. Give them the tools they need to learn. Be honest with them-- get the tools you need to defend yourself to your family and friends before you come out. Post here, in this forum if you need support!!!

copernicus

As I've said before, my own deconversion was long ago--when I was in high school. I'm now 56, but clearly not among those old atheist fogies in their 60's! It is so good to feel young again!

I just want to say, Blondegoddess (great moniker, BTW! Don't change it. You'll get more respect around here, and the guys will pay more attention)... Er. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Harrrumph! Well, what you said about praying to God for a sign--e.g. for His Holiness to speak to you. I do remember that when I was going through my own youthful religious crisis. I kept looking for some reason to justify belief. It finally dawned on me that the Christian god didn't make a lot of sense, and I moved on. But that was me. You have to find a state of mind that makes you feel comfortable with yourself. Most of us on this board are comfortable with non-theism, but there are also theists like Helen, Seebs, Vinnie, and quite a few others--very much respected for their candid acceptance of different viewpoints. This forum may have a non-theist attitude, but it certainly welcomes people who just want to be themselves.

I recommend that you take a look at the Infidels library. There are a lot of great essays and discussions from people who have struggled with religion. Whatever you end up deciding, these are your real kin. Reading about your soul-searching, a lot of us are experiencing deja-vu. And I'm not just referring to non-believers.

beth

I cannot. My husband is a devout Christian. This make the turmoil in this even worse. I can try to find my own way, or I can conform.

southernhybrid

First of all, I love your screen name. My husband and I joke about my being a blonde princess all the time. There are all types of people here. If anyone is offended by your name, they are the one with the problem, not you. Be the person that you are and don't worry about pleasing anyone here. It sounds like you already have many here who support you.

You have nothing to feel quilty about. You sound as if you are a very loving mother. Here you are worrying only about the impact your loss of faith will have on your children. There's no need to tell them about your loss of faith right now.

Slow down a little and think things through. I think when people deconvert quickly, it's much harder on them. The reason I didn't have these problems was because my beliefs changed slowly over several years. Continue to read and search on your own. When the time comes, offer your children the option of looking at other religions and points of view. Encourage them to think for themselves.

If it's any consolation, my parents are conservative Xians, that brought me up in a hell fire and damnation church. I have an excellent realtionship with them and I don't blame them for what they taught me. Their religion filled some kind of emotional need for them and they were sincere in their beliefs. They never meant to harm me.



Edited as I didn't see your last post about your husband when I wrote this. Take your time, blonde goddess and think things through. It may be best to stay in the closet for now. If you need to vent, this is the place to do it. Maybe just doing some reading on your own will be enough to keep you satisified for now. Regardless of what I think about Christianity, I know lots of wonderful people that just happen to be Xians. Don't lose sight of that when dealing with your family.

beth

Thank you, Southernhybrid. My dad owns several hundred acres up in Georgia. I love it up there, especially when the dogwoods and azaleas are in bloom. They are not nearly as lovely down here.

Elbereth

My mother has the same fear of not-existing, and many people do... the thing is, it's not as if Christianity - or theism, for that matter - and atheism are the ONLY options. There are a lot of other philosophies you can consider that handle the "problem" of existence in different ways, and a lot of people believe different parts of different ones. I'm guessing that since Christianity was your whole life you don't know much about Buddhism or Zen or Taoism, or Wicca even, but now you can.

If you think you can make a mistake in this, perhaps you still fear the punishment of not believing. Even I get afraid sometimes, just thinking about it... but I won't live in fear. And I don't think you can make a mistake if you are true to yourself, though things will get trickier people should respect your decision.

My mother went through a similar deconversion process when we were very young, and the thing I am most thankful for is that she always allowed open discussion and let us speak our minds. I don't think anyone will tell you to take your children's faith away from them, but I think it is a good idea now to encourage them to ask questions. (I second what HelenM said)

Also....

Don't forget to smile!

Amie

Hi blondegoddess

don't conform.
I wish you only the best...
Amie~

beth

I've considered some of these things. I was really looking into Wicca, but the more I studied it, the more I thought it was false. There are some concepts to it such as 'the All' that I like, even the concept of energy manipulation, but I do not feel that I could get into the other stuff. There are a lot of ceremonies and rituals that I don't think I could have patience for. I also cannot fathom worshiping mythological gods. That is worse to me than my Christianity. Please take no offense if Wiccan, I do respect your faith.

I do, but I have felt the fear of punishment as a Christian. I was brought up in a Church of God where the preacher screamed hell, fire, and brimstone at us. On an interesting note, though, when he spoke of the Mark of the Beast. I told my mother that it was a bunch of hoey and wrote '666' all over my hands and forehead. They thought I was a demon child.

I've been going through this for about eight years. I've been fighting it and praying. I have told my pastor that I have been feeling that I was falling away. I would ask for prayer every week. Eventually I began to hang out in the back of the church with a group of people during service. I've been trying to escape before communion begins. I do let them ask questions. I have always tried to answer objectively. My husband and I have often quarreled over my openmindedness.

Thank you! Best advice yet!

not a theist

Really! Is this the one that has it's base in Clevland, Tenn. (the charismatic one). I spent about 3 or 4 years of my youth in that branch.

Or was yours the one that didn't allow music?

beth

I'm not sure. It was In FL. I was too young to really know where the base was.We had music, even guitars. My mother scoffed at the guitars because she thought it was evil to use guitars for worship.

Oh yeah, I wasn't allowed to listen to anything but classical music all my life. But she allowed for talk radio. Big mistake!

edit: it was charasmatic and holy rolling.