Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Diabolical Vengeance · 08-11-2003, 08:49 PM

If this has been posted here before I offer my most humble apologies. Otherwise Enjoy!!!

10 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Religion
----------------------------------------------------------

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Liberated · 08-11-2003, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Diabolical Vengeance
If this has been posted here before I offer my most humble apologies. Otherwise Enjoy!!!

10 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Religion
----------------------------------------------------------

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Hahahahahahaha...

Ojuice5001 · 08-13-2003, 08:03 AM

Well, I like religion and hate beer, so here are my comebacks:

Quote:

10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.

Ever watched a Western? The outlaws had such contempt for the teetotaler that I wouldn't state this as fact.

Quote:

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

How to have sex, no. When to have sex, yes, because it can make you sleep around when you shouldn't, and it's been known to interfere with virility.

Quote:

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

Don't you think the Mongols wouldn't have been quite so bloodthirsty if their drink of choice were apple juice?

Quote:

7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

No, minors have a more discerning palate. The advertisers concentrate instead on adults who can't think for themselves.

Quote:

6. When you have a beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

I'm glad your parents weren't as strict as mine.

Quote:

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, tortured, or impaled over his brand of beer.

No, just shot or drowned by Al Capone's men for selling beer without Al's permission.

Quote:

4. You don't have to wait 2000 years for a second beer.

Well, if a beer were so powerful that some people are still drunk after 2000 years, would you mind the fact that doses are infrequent?

Quote:

3. There are laws saying beer labels can't lie to you.

On the grounds that I agree with atheists in considering Christianity to be false, I claim exemption from responding to this one.

Quote:

2. You can prove you have a beer.

Did you make this discovery firsthand, while being pulled over by an officer?

Quote:

1. If you've devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Well, now that II and this forum exist, that's true of religion too, so beer and religion are even.

And by the way, I'm not a Christian, I worship the Roman gods.

Amaranth · 08-13-2003, 11:34 AM

Y'know, I could sink to that level and actually debate this, but...

This is the bloody humor forum!

What the hell is your problem, Killjoy?

Amaranth

Ojuice5001 · 08-13-2003, 12:25 PM

Hey, I thought those were funny. My sense of humor works on fairly "abstract" criteria, and I think that on such criteria my jokes are as good as the next set, for instance the original list. Just as the regulars here like making fun of religion, I thought it would be cool to simulataneously make fun of beer and defend religion. Why do you take issue? Is it because I seem to be offended myself (I'm not) or because you, like Lenny and Carl, feel the need to stick up for someone who defames beer, or because humor is a rhetorical tool that's somehow off-limits to theists?

Actually, I do admit that humor works better against theism than against atheism. But that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with good anti-atheist humor. For instance, what about the Catholic-priest episode of SouthPark? It poked fun at both religionists and atheists, and both satires were both funny and true (much like both the original list and my comebacks). I have problems with the compromise they arrived at, but as you point out, this is the humor forum.

And for your information, I loved the original list the first time I read it, although now its points seem cliched. I just think that this kind of comparative top-ten list actually invites the kind of comeback I made (although most people aren't too interested in that). For instance, in high school someone wrote a column for the school paper of "Ten Reasons Cheerleading isn't a sport, and someone wrote a comeback letter belittling the football team. Example: "Cheerleading isn't a sport because you don't keep score." "Yes, and in some of the games we've played I wish football didn't keep score either." I found these comebacks funny, although I admit I have zero interest in football.

Anyway, if any part of your offended reaction is my fault, I apologize.

crocodile deathroll · 08-15-2003, 06:55 PM

We Australians could not give a

about religion.

BigJim · 08-19-2003, 08:01 AM

I have that mug:

Diabolical Vengeance · 08-19-2003, 04:27 PM

That is so cool. Where did you get that?...it reminds me of a shot glass i have that has an Oscar Wilde quote: Working is the curse of the drinking class.

BigJim · 08-20-2003, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Diabolical Vengeance
That is so cool. Where did you get that?

http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/mugs.html

08-11-2003, 08:49 PM	#1
Diabolical Vengeance Regular Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: No longer Great Britain Posts: 447	10 Reasons Why Beer is better than Religion If this has been posted here before I offer my most humble apologies. Otherwise Enjoy!!! 10 Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Religion ---------------------------------------------------------- 10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer. 9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex. 8. Beer has never caused a major war. 7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves. 6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away. 5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer. 4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer. 3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you. 2. You can prove you have a Beer. 1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

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08-13-2003, 11:34 AM	#4
Amaranth Regular Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kansas City Posts: 279	Y'know, I could sink to that level and actually debate this, but... This is the bloody humor forum! What the hell is your problem, Killjoy? Amaranth

08-13-2003, 12:25 PM	#5
Ojuice5001 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: A city in Florida that I love Posts: 3,416	Hey, I thought those were funny. My sense of humor works on fairly "abstract" criteria, and I think that on such criteria my jokes are as good as the next set, for instance the original list. Just as the regulars here like making fun of religion, I thought it would be cool to simulataneously make fun of beer and defend religion. Why do you take issue? Is it because I seem to be offended myself (I'm not) or because you, like Lenny and Carl, feel the need to stick up for someone who defames beer, or because humor is a rhetorical tool that's somehow off-limits to theists? Actually, I do admit that humor works better against theism than against atheism. But that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with good anti-atheist humor. For instance, what about the Catholic-priest episode of SouthPark? It poked fun at both religionists and atheists, and both satires were both funny and true (much like both the original list and my comebacks). I have problems with the compromise they arrived at, but as you point out, this is the humor forum. And for your information, I loved the original list the first time I read it, although now its points seem cliched. I just think that this kind of comparative top-ten list actually invites the kind of comeback I made (although most people aren't too interested in that). For instance, in high school someone wrote a column for the school paper of "Ten Reasons Cheerleading isn't a sport, and someone wrote a comeback letter belittling the football team. Example: "Cheerleading isn't a sport because you don't keep score." "Yes, and in some of the games we've played I wish football didn't keep score either." I found these comebacks funny, although I admit I have zero interest in football. Anyway, if any part of your offended reaction is my fault, I apologize.

08-15-2003, 06:55 PM	#6
crocodile deathroll Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Darwin Posts: 1,466	We Australians could not give a about religion.

08-19-2003, 08:01 AM	#7
BigJim Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Stepford, CT Posts: 4,296	I have that mug:

08-19-2003, 04:27 PM	#8
Diabolical Vengeance Regular Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: No longer Great Britain Posts: 447	That is so cool. Where did you get that?...it reminds me of a shot glass i have that has an Oscar Wilde quote: Working is the curse of the drinking class.

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