Bree

LOL @ LIV

BadBadBad

Hi blondegoddess,

I had a couple of thoughts on this fear you seem to have of admitting your beliefs.

He's not going to allow it? What's your reaction to that? It's your mind right? How you behave might come into his realm of interest but not what you believe. That's where the hard part comes in.


First, what you believe is what you believe. You don't have to share it with anyone else. Remember as well, you're not robbing children of anything. Perhaps enlightening them on religion actually robs them of the fear of eternal hell. I see that as a good thing.

Also, your family has to accept you for what you are. They don't have to know everything you think. Even if has to come out, be who you are. They have to deal with it. How they deal with it defines what kind of people they are and their value to you.

Be who you are not what other people want you to be.

Bill

The younger kids are, the more that they naturally live in a fantasy world, and the less harm religion does to their minds. But, as they grow older, they need to come to understand that there are a myriad of religions in this world, and the primary reason they attend the particular church that they do is because that is where you and your husband originally chose to take them.

With all due respect to my atheist friends on this board, a church is really a social setting that tends to help children grow to maturity. There is a good reason that every known civilization has evolved some sort of religious life to help bind each community of people together. Church is about the last place left where humans can get together in large groups and still feel safe. And, as you mention, your kids have friendships. Those are important to nurture. While my wife and I are raising our kids as atheists, the lack of social interaction outside of the school setting is something that is causing "problems" for my oldest. We are now faced with the challenge of finding suitible social settings for him to interact with children his own age (so sayeth his report card). Church is an obvious way to resolve that sort of thing, but of course, church is out of the question for my wife. (If it were up to me, I'd take the kids down to the local Unitarian Universalist church, which is largely humanist in its outlook.)

In addition to fostering social skills, it is also important to nurture "critical thinking skills" in children. You don't have to tell them a word of what you believe, but you ought to train them to think critically for themselves about everything that they are taught, even if it is presented as "gospel." Its funny to hear the occasional advocacy of "critical thinking" coming out of certain portions of the creationist camp because, in my view, critical thinking skills are the thing most lacking in fundamentalists and creationists.

But at some point, your kids will be old enough to understand you when you say something like "Jesus is just Santa Claus for adults." When they are old enough, you ought to find the right way to tell them and help them understand that you and your husband don't see eye-to-eye on religion any more. In other words, don't hold off forever from telling them the truth. Pick your time, but do tell them.

== Bill

beth

Thank you, Bill. You and I seem to share the same rationality. I do agree with much of what you've said. If you do have younger ones, you might want get them involved with sports. That is a very good setting for social interaction between children. We have a Unitarian Church near us, but the road that it is on is trafficked quite frequently by my family. My car's color is very unique and easily recognized. That church has already been deemed as 'a church of occult'. I'm sure my in-laws would pick my car out while driving by....

Slavik91

I was always sceptical of the Bible. It just never made any sence to me. All the stories sounded like fairy tales.

Oh, sure, I did somewhat belive in God, but that soon faded away about six months ago. I was lying in my bed when it hit me, the idea of God sounded silly.

I then stopped worring about heaven and hell, and decided that if I only had one shot at this life, I would do the best I could.


What, you were expecting a dramatic, life shattering experiance?

Giorgia

So, you've got to learn how to be imaginative and stealthy -- drive downtown to the bus terminal and take a bus; or, if it's that close, walk (go for a stroll or bicycle ride some evening, and find the back way in). Once you've managed to go to ONE church event (keep an eye in the paper: you might find a concert or poetry reading which is taking place there), you can go to a potluck or other event that doesn't take place at the church. Another alternative would simply be to call the minister during the day during the week and arrange to meet for tea or something.
Believe me, with your "control-freak" husband and your family being as you described them, you're going to need someone who is a trained counselor to help you get through the inevitable up-heavals in your life.
P.S. I'm not a parent, but I do remember that one of the most positive comments I heard from parents back when I visited the UU Church was that the religious education at that church gave their children a historical and ethical perspective on life without force-feeding them "religious doctrine." I think that this might be an acceptable path for you to take that would not necessarily take the "fairy tale" of a deity away from your children. It WOULD take them out of the guilt-trip ladden environment of typical christian churches.

beth

Well, this is dramatic and life-shattering for me.

Bill

I see in your profile that your birthday is September 27, 1987. I could tell by this response that you were young. Now, I know just how young you are.

The older a person is when they have this sort of an epiphany, the more "life shattering" that experience is. For somebody like blondegoddess, it truly is "life shattering."

== Bill

Giorgia

Bill is absolutely right -- it really hadn't occurred to me that being older than teenage, yet younger than mid-30's is an extremely tough age at which to be struggling with this particular life change. I'm wondering, are you sure "1987" isn't a typo?

beth

I'm sure it isn't. I, myself, am under thirty....but older than twenty-five.