Godless Dave

I have. A friend of a friend had to shop around for a while before he found a doctor that would do one. He was about 28, and they asked a lot of questions, of him and his wife, to make sure he knew what he was getting into. I've heard anecdotally it's very hard for an unmarried man under 35 to find a doctor willing to perform one.

Shake

(emphasis mine)
Tell her to get over it. Or find another doctor who doesn't mind. Let them know that you are serious and you'll sign whatever paperwork they want to keep them satisfied about future litigation or what have you.

Kudos to RevDahlia on her excellent post about adoption! The best thing about adoption is that you can pick the age to start at. If you don't want all the mess and sleepless nights that come with an infant, you could adopt a toddler or a somewhat older child. That's a great option for those who change their minds!

brighid

I try not to ask people when, or if they are going to have children. Frankly, I think it is none of my business. I do think it is a shame that so many freethinkers don't have children, especially because so many would really make great parent.

I know prior to having my son I was the last person who thought a) I would be a good mother and b) that I ever wanted children (my upbringing wasn't very good.) However, it really did change when I had my son. It really isn't an unreasonable statement (even if it is rude) to say things like you'll change your mind, it's different when it's your own, etc.

I don't think that most people asking those personal questions even realize they are being offensive. It's sort of a standard question that just gets asked. Sort of like people who say, "Merry Christmas" to people they know are Jews and atheists.

I would say it is entirely different with the inlaws. When my husband and I first got together he told his mother it is very likely we wouldn't have a child of our own, but more likely to adopt. She was disappointed, but has never pushed the issue. She has accepted my son as one of the family without reservation. Over the past 4 years our minds have changed about having a child of our own, although we do still plan on adopting.

Maybe ask those women, "So, when are you planning on loosing some of that weight?" No doubt offense will occur and perhaps use that as an opportunity to demonstrate how their questions are offensive to you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids. No one should pressure a couple or individual into having a child they are unprepared, or have no desire to have. Children should be wanted.

As a mother I can understand the MIL's desire for grandchildren. It is something you dream about from the time your children are little. I do hope my son marries and gives me beautiful grandbabies and I can't say that I wouldn't be deeply disappointed if he didn't. I would respect his choice, but I would be disappointed. Perhaps that is where her feelings are rooted.

Maybe you could even speak with her and say that you understand that she must be very disappointed you won't be having any children, but you are very offended by the constant questioning and you would appreciate it if she respected your choice and ceased her offensive behavior. Now, that might go over like a fart in an elevator ...

I think it is rude and disrespectful for inlaws to hound you about a decision they know you have already made.

Brighid

manderguy

My wife and I were pretty vocal to our families about not wanting kids when we were first married. Over the past several years we've only got a couple comments. Mostly from her sister who I really like, and she more just asks questions out of curiosity (odd considering she had her first child in her mid 30s). In that context it's not offensive. Her seven-year old daughter OTOH really wants us to have a child. Heh-heh. I can't get offended at my fav niece.

It doesn't bother me when strangers ask if I have kids, but it does irk me when they just assume we'll have them sometime. "Oh, just not right now, huh? Well, you'll have some someday." {shrug} Maybe. Probably not.

I recommend my father's approach after several years of annoyance from his mother: "But, Mother! I'm sterile!". Not another peep out of her after that.

Rusting Car Bumper

LOL!

I love this part:
DC

Jewel

Well, I can't say that I disagree -- the world could use more skeptics and most freethinkers I've met would make great parents. I don't know why so many of us opt to go childless.

I know that I've never had the desire to have children. I'm 33 and so far that biological clock thingy I heard so much about growing up hasn't kicked in. Just the opposite, so far. The more I'm around kids the more I can't stand the thought of having any of my own. Maybe it is different when they are your own, but I don't have the desire to find out.

Loki

Hear hear RevDahlia!!!

I'd like to concur, being an adoptee myself. Everytime I hear about some woman having a litter of babies because of the fertility drugs they took so they could have "their own" f---ing child, it makes me nauseous, because after all, a child's more special if it has half of your genes, cancer causing genes included.

</rant>

King Rat

I remember getting into it with my mother about this very issue (no pun). I mentioned that I'm nearly blind, have massive allergies, had a genetically transmitted childhood disease, and deviated septum. But, gosh wouldn't it be great to pass on my stellar genes?

Her reply? "But you're so smart..."

Yep, smart enough to enact my own personal eugenics program.

Oh yeah, the other one that kills me is my siblings are always telling me; "You'd make a great dad."

They must have conveniently forgotten when at a family reunion one of their 'little bundles of joy' kept throwing peas at me across the table. I leaned over grabbed the little accident and through gritted teeth said "If you do that one more time, I'm gonna twist your tiny head off and kick it over the fence."

I'd make a horrible dad and most likely end up in prison.

AquaVita

I think skeptics and critical thinkers tend to be childless more often because we are known for questioning tradition more frequently and more in depth. Having children is certainly a traditional thing to do. Most people do it without really even thinking about it. It's just what you "do" when you become an adult. You buy a picket fence, get married and have critters.

That being said, I'm not sure I could ever get a vasectomy. And to be bluntly honest, I'm quite put off by women who tell me "it's no big deal, sheesh, it's cheaper anyway". It may be difficult to convey, but I am uncomfortable with any thoughts of knives or cutting in any measurable distance from my naughty bits.

Just as I would never "expect" a woman to get an abortion or not get one or any other such thing, I don't think I should be "expected" to do anything against my will.

My fianc� gets the birth control shot as that's what she's most comfortable with. We've talked about it, and should there ever be a birth control shot or pill for a guy, I would gladly start taking either one just to be sure. But asking me to snip this and that is just asking too much.

ImGod

Kids are not much different when they are they are your own. You just tend to put up with more because of some strange biological urge to keep them safe overriding the urge to kill them. If you don't like being around kids for extended periods of time then spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with them will probably not make that feeling go away.

Having kids has taught me that some kids are good, some are bad, and most are both. They are just like little people with few social skills and no real sense of morals. They fit in fine at most sporting events.

I've been extremely embarrassed by my children's behavior in public. I've also been commended on their behavior. So I don't assume a child's overall demeanor or an adult's parental skills by one good or bad experience with them. My kids are Jekyl and Hyde kids that are more often than not good. They each have a distinct personality and temperament.

After getting to know the 5 year old that lives behind us, I'm inclined to believe that the anti-christ has come in the form of a small girl. We get to thank her for teaching my two year old how to call Grandma a stupid f-ing ass and my 4 year old how to kick someone when they are down.

If you have doubts, I would recommend not having kids. They�re tiring, stressful, financially draining, and requires an enormous amount of patience and perseverance. Oddly enough, with all that it can be rewarding. I guess the human brain can justify anything. If you are in doubt, offer to watch another�s child (ren) for a week. Repeat with different children as necessary. The parents will gladly let you take them off their hands so they can briefly re-live their childless days, and you will gain valuable insight to help you come to a rational decision.

We gave it some serious thought and were financially stable, yet there are some days when we wonder if we did the right thing. Oh, to sleep in on Saturday, travel, have free time, and not have to clean something nasty out of the carpet. But, we love them, and can't very well return them, so that leaves us with doing the best we can to make sure they are productive people. If we do it right, we�ll be done in 16 to 50 years.