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Freethought & Rationalism ArchiveThe archives are read only. |
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#1 |
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First off, if this has been posted before please forgive the repetition.
Why my fundie mother sends me this stuff, I don't know. I'm too afraid to tell her I don't believe, and I know it would crush her. She needs the crutch. I posted this because there always seem to be threads that use analogies to try to understand why Jesus' "sacrafice" was important, because apparently it's not making sense to a lot of people. Myself included. This forwarded email from my mother doesn't help at all. Maybe I just don't want to see the truth, the light that is Jesus. Maybe it will make sense to you: A POWERFUL TEACHING... There was a certain professor of THEOLOGY named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the Western United States. Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year regardless of his or her major. Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel to his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously. This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Stev! e. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going into seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing specimen. He was the starting center on the school football team, and the best student in the professor's class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. "How many push-ups can you do?" Steve said, "I do about 200 every night." "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?" Steve replied, "I don't know - I've never done 300 at a time." "Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson. "Well, I can try," said Steve. "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of 10 for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor. Steve said, "Well...I think I can! ...yeah, I can do it." Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind." Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. Now, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last day of class, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class. Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?" Cynthia said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, will you do 10 push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?" Steve said, "Sure," and jumped down from his desk to do a quick 10. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christians! on put a donut on Cynthia's desk. Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?" Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve, would you do 10 push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did 10 push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did 10 push-ups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, 'till Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and was in as good of_condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When the professor asked, "Scott, do you want a donut?" Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push-ups?" Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then," Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do 10 push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want? With perfect obedience Steve started to do 10 push-ups. Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!" Dr. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk. Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Sternly, Jenny said, "No." Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do 10 more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did 10, Jenny got a donut. By now, a growing sense of uneasines! s filled the room. The students were beginning to say, "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms an brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved. Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push-up to make sure he did the full 10 push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely. Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from the other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room.. When the professor realized! this, he did a quick count and saw that there were now 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Steve asked Dr. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?" Dr. Christianson thought a moment. "Well, they're your push-ups. You can do them any way you want." And Dr. Christianson went on. A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!" Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come." Dr, Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do 10 push-ups for him?" Steve said, "Yes, let him come i! n. Give him a donut." Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?" Jason, new to the room hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "Give me a donut." "Steve, would you do 10 push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did 10 push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down. Dr. Christianson finished the forth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was profusely dripping off of his face and, by this time, there was no sound except his heavy breathing. There was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second-to-last, and asked, "Linda, do y! ou want a donut?" Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you." Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do 10 push-ups so that Linda can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did 10 very slow push-ups for Linda. Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut? Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?" Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone, I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve, here, is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped a class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he! must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push-ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes. Steve, would you do 10 push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor. Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, pleaded to the Father, "Into Thy hands I commend my spirit."___With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he yielded up his life.......and like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten." Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. "Well done, good and faithful se! rvant," said the professor, adding, "Not all sermons are preached in words." Turning to his class the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who spared not only the Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all for the whole Church, now and forever." |
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#2 |
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Oooh, I see. Jesus is god's masochist, being tortured by God for everyone, even the ones who would never in a million years eat the donut. Because God is sadistic; he'd rather torture one person to death than let each person do their own push-ups in discrete, bearable packages.
And to top it all off, he always picks the most perfect person avaliable to torture mercilessly for his own amusement. Like Jesus. And Job. Yup, I think I understand Christianity now. They worship the most mind-blowingly evil force ever concieved of by human minds. |
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#3 |
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I agree. And I wouldn't eat the donut either! I'd probably be too sick to my stomach after watching something as twisted as this.
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#4 |
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The only thing that story accomplished was to make me hungry. Now where's that donut?
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#5 |
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Dr. Christianson?? Come on.
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#6 |
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mmmmmDooohhhhnnuuuutttt.....AAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHgggg!
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#7 |
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If it was one of those sickeningly sweet Krispy Kreme donuts, I wouldn't eat it either.
And what does Jesus do for all the people who'd rather have cookies, or cake, or maybe a nice chocolate truffle made with Ghirardelli bittersweet chocolate and some Grand Marnier in the center? I guess they can just go hungry. It isn't much of an example of free will if someone else gets to not only decide you get a donut or nothing, but also picks the kind of donut you get, and then tries to make you feel bad if you don't feel like eating a donut. cheers, Michael |
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#8 |
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Yes, that sounds like religion to me. The guy with the doughnuts who can give them away freely chooses to make somebody suffer for them via guilt trip. He could have made it one push-up per doughnut and it would have been a breeze, even, but he's perfectly willing to pull on the guy's heartstrings to make the point.
Hey God - do your own damned pushups, leave your Son out of it. |
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#9 |
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I don't get it. So am I supposed to feel good if I eat the donut? How is eating the donut more right than not eating the donut?
Hey look, that guy just busted his ass off, but it's not like I had any say in what was going on. But look! Free donuts! All right! This story really makes the donut-eaters look like assholes. |
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#10 | |
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Breaking News.....
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