Freethought & Rationalism Archive

mikester · 05-10-2003, 01:30 PM

im an 18 yr old male. any woman i stare at should feel proud, and priveledged.

plus, im allowed to stare all i want. society says in just a walking, talking, giant hormone anyway.

NonHomogenized · 05-10-2003, 02:11 PM

I don't know, I'm not really all that comfortable checking people out for more than an instant. Instead of checking people out for any length of time, I usually make eye contact with people. It's what's comfortable for me. I think it's because I feel like, by just checking them out, I'm making a value judgement based on their body, and completely ignoring that they're a person, too. That's not something I'm comfortable doing.

christ-on-a-stick · 05-10-2003, 05:44 PM

I agree with Jagged in that there can be a very subtle difference between a flattering look and the kind that makes you uncomfortable... but for me at least, it has a lot to do with time & place, etc.... the kind of attention that might be a little "un-subtle" but still un-threatening during the day or at a nightclub, etc., can be construed entirely differently in a different situation - say, at night in a deserted parking structure or whatnot.

I myself am a people watcher - ok, ogler

Men and women both, I find myself unable to stop checking people out everywhere I go!!! However, IMO there is an "art" to it as far as doing it in such a way that the "viewee" is not aware of it to where it makes them uncomfortable - I think a lot of the guys (or girls) that come off with a "creepy" vibe unintentionally are the ones who don't know how (or don't CARE) how to be subtle about it for the purpose of not making the object of their attention feel uncomfortable or threatened.

christ-on-a-stick · 05-10-2003, 05:49 PM

And also - Jagged said

Quote:

Please understand that women must err on the side of caution just to be safe. And it can cause serious fear if a stranger oogles our bodies with lust in his eyes

I agree that *very* unfortunately, it seems to be one of those unavoidable facts that, as I like to say, women are the "antelopes on the savannah of life" (for all you Discovery Channel watchers).

Meaning, while it's certainly possible and does happen that men are the victims of unwanted attention/aggression, it is primarily women that have to go through their whole lives (literally, from childhood to old age) with the knowledge that there is always going to be some freak out there that wishes to do them bodily harm.

A big part of why I hope that I have sons instead of daughters... I don't know if I'll be able to handle the worry otherwise!!!

Eikonoklast · 05-10-2003, 06:03 PM

Oh, so what you're trying to say is that you're a man? Nothing wrong with that. Just relax and enjoy the scenery. Then move on. If you're trying to get the eye-lock thing going on, just make sure it looks very incidental and nonchalant. You can probably tell from body language after that.

Cofffee · 05-11-2003, 01:16 AM

I think I have the opposite problem, I am too subtle in the way that I look at other people, so people think I am completely ignoring them.

I generally don't make a lot of eye contact with other people unless I am communicating with them. I guess this is kind of a bad habit for me.

The problem with looking at people a lot is that they tend to bug you more than if you are minding your own business. The down side is that sometimes you want certain people to take notice and talk with you.

NonHomogenized · 05-11-2003, 01:36 AM

I've never had that problem, Cofffee. I get ignored pretty thoroughly, in spite of the fact that I make eye contact with most of the people I walk past in a day.

Jackalope · 05-11-2003, 03:26 AM

And then there are the severely freaky, like me. People attempt to be ignored by me. Or they can't take their eyes off me. I'm like a train wreck (and it ain't my looks, since I've now weigh over 200 pounds thanks to the medications I'm on and the arthritis). But when I became disabled, I gave up on any attempt to dress conventionally, so people stare...sometimes with great admiration. And I decorated the holy hell out of my walker, so the gimp brigade jolly roger flag often gets a good laugh. And sometimes it gets offended/unconfortable looks. How dare I make light of my disabilities! Those are the people I love to grin happily at as I gimp my way on past.

Being freaky is actually a pretty good filter. The uptight, boring and politically correct (it's Berkeley after all) attempt to pretend I don't exist. Which is just fine with me. I tend to attract the weird, creative, talented...and sometimes plain psycho ones. My psychobitch/psychobastard meter is finely honed by now.

Putney Swope · 05-11-2003, 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by meritocrat
There's nothing wrong with 'eyeing' people up in my view. I think most people do it from time to time (even if they are in a relationship).

It's only natural to admire the looks of someone whom you find physically attractive.

It's OK to look at the menu, as long as you go home for supper.

RevDahlia · 05-11-2003, 12:39 PM

I ogle all the time. Guys, mostly, but girls too. It's not necessarily sexual, either; some people are just fun to look at. Although the other day I worked with a girl who is so beautiful she's hard to look at; it's like she has unbearably bright light emanating from her face. Must not be easy to be her.

I happily admit that at least a little bit of my obsession with professional basketball stems from the ogle-worthiness of some of the players.

Some women get huffy about being looked at at all; I say turnabout is fair play. As long as it's not oppressively lascivious, I don't mind.

And Jackalope: You rock the house! What wit and fortitude.

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05-10-2003, 01:30 PM	#11
mikester Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Edinburgh, Scotland Posts: 813	im an 18 yr old male. any woman i stare at should feel proud, and priveledged. plus, im allowed to stare all i want. society says in just a walking, talking, giant hormone anyway.

05-10-2003, 02:11 PM	#12
NonHomogenized Veteran Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: no longer at IIDB Posts: 1,644	I don't know, I'm not really all that comfortable checking people out for more than an instant. Instead of checking people out for any length of time, I usually make eye contact with people. It's what's comfortable for me. I think it's because I feel like, by just checking them out, I'm making a value judgement based on their body, and completely ignoring that they're a person, too. That's not something I'm comfortable doing.

05-10-2003, 05:44 PM	#13
christ-on-a-stick Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Durango, Colorado Posts: 7,116	I agree with Jagged in that there can be a very subtle difference between a flattering look and the kind that makes you uncomfortable... but for me at least, it has a lot to do with time & place, etc.... the kind of attention that might be a little "un-subtle" but still un-threatening during the day or at a nightclub, etc., can be construed entirely differently in a different situation - say, at night in a deserted parking structure or whatnot. I myself am a people watcher - ok, ogler Men and women both, I find myself unable to stop checking people out everywhere I go!!! However, IMO there is an "art" to it as far as doing it in such a way that the "viewee" is not aware of it to where it makes them uncomfortable - I think a lot of the guys (or girls) that come off with a "creepy" vibe unintentionally are the ones who don't know how (or don't CARE) how to be subtle about it for the purpose of not making the object of their attention feel uncomfortable or threatened.

05-10-2003, 06:03 PM	#15
Eikonoklast Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: US Posts: 628	Oh, so what you're trying to say is that you're a man? Nothing wrong with that. Just relax and enjoy the scenery. Then move on. If you're trying to get the eye-lock thing going on, just make sure it looks very incidental and nonchalant. You can probably tell from body language after that.

05-11-2003, 01:16 AM	#16
Cofffee Regular Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Pickering, ON, CA Posts: 447	I think I have the opposite problem, I am too subtle in the way that I look at other people, so people think I am completely ignoring them. I generally don't make a lot of eye contact with other people unless I am communicating with them. I guess this is kind of a bad habit for me. The problem with looking at people a lot is that they tend to bug you more than if you are minding your own business. The down side is that sometimes you want certain people to take notice and talk with you.

05-11-2003, 01:36 AM	#17
NonHomogenized Veteran Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: no longer at IIDB Posts: 1,644	I've never had that problem, Cofffee. I get ignored pretty thoroughly, in spite of the fact that I make eye contact with most of the people I walk past in a day.

05-11-2003, 03:26 AM	#18
Jackalope Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hayward, CA, USA Posts: 1,675	And then there are the severely freaky, like me. People attempt to be ignored by me. Or they can't take their eyes off me. I'm like a train wreck (and it ain't my looks, since I've now weigh over 200 pounds thanks to the medications I'm on and the arthritis). But when I became disabled, I gave up on any attempt to dress conventionally, so people stare...sometimes with great admiration. And I decorated the holy hell out of my walker, so the gimp brigade jolly roger flag often gets a good laugh. And sometimes it gets offended/unconfortable looks. How dare I make light of my disabilities! Those are the people I love to grin happily at as I gimp my way on past. Being freaky is actually a pretty good filter. The uptight, boring and politically correct (it's Berkeley after all) attempt to pretend I don't exist. Which is just fine with me. I tend to attract the weird, creative, talented...and sometimes plain psycho ones. My psychobitch/psychobastard meter is finely honed by now.

05-11-2003, 12:39 PM	#20
RevDahlia Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Austin, TX, USA Posts: 4,930	I ogle all the time. Guys, mostly, but girls too. It's not necessarily sexual, either; some people are just fun to look at. Although the other day I worked with a girl who is so beautiful she's hard to look at; it's like she has unbearably bright light emanating from her face. Must not be easy to be her. I happily admit that at least a little bit of my obsession with professional basketball stems from the ogle-worthiness of some of the players. Some women get huffy about being looked at at all; I say turnabout is fair play. As long as it's not oppressively lascivious, I don't mind. And Jackalope: You rock the house! What wit and fortitude.

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