Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Worldtraveller · 05-24-2003, 01:03 AM

Ya really gotta like the onion!
*warning* Do not try to drink anything while reading this article. You have been warned.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3510/aw...encounter.html

Apparently, sometimes, you need more than faith!

-Lane

Cofffee · 05-24-2003, 01:08 AM

Quite possibly the best Onion article ever. A classic!

lunachick · 05-24-2003, 01:37 AM

Quote:

"As with millions of young newlyweds who haven't yet had sex," John said, "there was some nervousness and confusion at first. But after a couple of minutes, we figured out that it would be easier if Linda separated her legs to facilitate entry."

Penile insertion was somewhat complicated by John's refusal to assist the navigation process by touching himself�an act the Bible strictly prohibits�but a few more minutes of unsteady shifting and jabbing enabled his penis to "almost certainly" enter Linda.

Quote:

As the sexual act wore on, Linda said it grew gloriously tolerable, describing the experience as "endurable beyond my wildest dreams."

Quote:

John agreed wholeheartedly, calling their wedding-night union "the most exciting minutes of my life." Immediately after finishing, the newlyweds took turns showering.

As for the future of the couple's sex life, John said he is full of hope. "I'd like to maybe try actually touching Linda's vagina with my hand at some point," he said. "Then again, I don't want to rush things. Also, I've heard that the vagina kind of smells bad."

"I certainly hope the Lord will now bless us with a child after this wonderful night," Linda said. "If not, we may be forced to repeat this beautiful experience."

ROFLMAO!!

Brillantly wicked.

:notworthy

Entropic_Gnosis · 05-24-2003, 01:38 AM

wow *falls out of chair, hitting head on desk*

MattofVA · 05-24-2003, 01:16 PM

As another wicked infidel who is not necessarily gung-ho about "saving yourself", I would still bet it isn't quite THAT bad if you do "save it". Anyone have stories or anecdotes to the contrary, or either way? I'm sure those could make one hell of a thread for taking off from the onion piece.

Melissa · 05-24-2003, 06:48 PM

Brilliant! :notworthy

PalestineChic19 · 05-25-2003, 01:04 PM

Amazing! gotta love the onion!:notworthy

Coleman Smith · 05-25-2003, 10:00 PM

MattofVA said, As another wicked infidel who is not necessarily gung-ho about "saving yourself", I would still bet it isn't quite THAT bad if you do "save it". Anyone have stories or anecdotes to the contrary, or either way? I'm sure those could make one hell of a thread for taking off from the onion piece�

While in HS I was dating a young lady and my parents where apparently afraid that we might commit the act. I got the speech about saving your self for marriage and I bought in to it.

While I cooled it one of my �friends � took first prize.

Coleman Smith

05-24-2003, 01:03 AM	#1
Worldtraveller Banned Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 7,834	Save yourself for marriage! Ya really gotta like the onion! warning Do not try to drink anything while reading this article. You have been warned. http://www.theonion.com/onion3510/aw...encounter.html Apparently, sometimes, you need more than faith! -Lane

05-24-2003, 01:16 PM	#5
MattofVA Regular Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Harrisonburg, VA Posts: 112	brilliant...but As another wicked infidel who is not necessarily gung-ho about "saving yourself", I would still bet it isn't quite THAT bad if you do "save it". Anyone have stories or anecdotes to the contrary, or either way? I'm sure those could make one hell of a thread for taking off from the onion piece.

05-25-2003, 10:00 PM	#8
Coleman Smith Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: In real time. Posts: 789	Friend took first piize'' MattofVA said, As another wicked infidel who is not necessarily gung-ho about "saving yourself", I would still bet it isn't quite THAT bad if you do "save it". Anyone have stories or anecdotes to the contrary, or either way? I'm sure those could make one hell of a thread for taking off from the onion piece� While in HS I was dating a young lady and my parents where apparently afraid that we might commit the act. I got the speech about saving your self for marriage and I bought in to it. While I cooled it one of my �friends � took first prize. Coleman Smith

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05-24-2003, 01:08 AM	#2
Cofffee Regular Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Pickering, ON, CA Posts: 447	Quite possibly the best Onion article ever. A classic!

05-24-2003, 01:38 AM	#4
Entropic_Gnosis Regular Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: The Library Posts: 372	wow falls out of chair, hitting head on desk

05-24-2003, 06:48 PM	#6
Melissa Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Illinois Posts: 29	Brilliant! :notworthy

05-25-2003, 01:04 PM	#7
PalestineChic19 Regular Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 153	Amazing! gotta love the onion!:notworthy

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