Ad Astra

Ah, all those repressed memories from my Catholic religious education classes are flooding back...

"Now, remember, God love you no matter what. Keep that in mind as we talk about today's lesson...sexuality. Now, God doesn't hate faggo...er, homosexuals, He just hates what they do."
So you mean to tell me that it's alright to be gay, you just can't do anything about your feelings?
"Exactly. Now, when a man and a woman are in love, but not married, they have to be very careful."
Why?
"Because if they get too close, then God will be angry."
How close is "too close"?
"Kissing it right out."
What about hugging?
"Now, that's a little too dangerous. But don't worry! If you love Jesus, he'll show you the way! You love Jesus...right?"
Not for long... (well, I didn't say that, but I certainly thought it)

Don't drink the fluoridated water!

NonHomogenized

Then, unless you're married to him, you have to be very careful. Remember: kissing is right out, and hugging Jesus is too dangerous...

Proctors_Gambit

"I'll pray for you"

One dullard on Christianbbs.com used that one on me to which I replied...

"Hey positive thoughts in my direction are always welcome.
But since you apparently believe prayer works and that your God is all powerful, how about praying that God will send food to the starving children, he apparently has the ability and experience with widescale mana dispersement so ask him to do it again.
I'll watch the news tonight and see how you did. "


I did watch the news too, sadly, God was dozing while the kids starved again. I also go no further response on the thread.

-Gambit

Evoken

I do believe in God... just not the God of those fundies. Anyway here are some lines:

"Repent or burn!"

"It is ok...I was like you at first but then I grew up"

"You must turn your back at Satan he is controlling you"

"Christianity is the only way to God...all of the other religions are the work of Satan to turn man away from God."

"I know Satan has given you inspiration for doing those satanic designs you do. Only remember that Satan gives on earth but God in heaven. I will pray for you."

Hehe now the shocker:

"You are reading the bible with an human mind"

abospaum

My favorite: "Can I tell you about my friend, Jesus" or when they tell about their personal relationship with Jesus.

I love to throw it back in their faces. No where in the bible does it say that Jesus is your friend. It may say that Jesus is lord or that Jesus is the head of the church. It says that you should FEAR the lord, god and numerous other titles. He is not your friend. It is blasphemy to call him your friend. Tell these guys they are going to hell because they are putting themselves on the same level as Jesus.

Also the bible says that it is the final word of God until he comes again. These little voices these people are hearing. Well that must be the devil.

Put a little fear into those who share their friendship.

Also have good preparations for the Jehovahs witness and Mormons. They completely distort the bible. The JW's call themselfs elders but most of them are young unmarried men without children. This is a big contradiction. There are a number of others. Its fun to watch them squirm.

Biff the unclean

I always liked to counter "if you teach your children that we are descended from monkeys they will behave like animals" with "if you teach your children that we are descended from a pile of dust they will treat people like dirt."

safeinacell

Errrrr...I think I'll use my glasses instead-they don't drip.

catmar

From another cust. service person:

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

Treacle Worshipper

What really annoys me about this one is that it doesn't refer to the New Testament - because the NT wasn't around when it was written. "Scripture" is the OT.

"So, you're saying we should all convert to Judaism, then?"

TW