Buffman

triplew00t

Hi.

Before you start laughing so hard that you fall off a chair and hurt yourself. I hope you will take a few moments to consider the following suggestion.

Please review the items found at the following URL:

http://www.meritbadge.com/bsa/mb/index.htm

Obviously I don't expect you will be interested in joining the Boy Scouts. However, if you are seeking something to rekindle/ stimulate your interests, you just might find it here. Should you find an item that captures your slightest interest, do a little further surfing to see what is required to earn that badge. Remember, the object is not to earn the badge; it is in the quest of new knowledge that we often find a purpose, meaning and direction for our lives.

My quest to become an Eagle Scout was one of the most horizon broadening, stimulating and worthwhile adventures of my life. I am now 68 years old and can still call upon much of the knowledge I learned more than 56 years ago. I learned water life-saving, sailing, the names and particulars of birds, flowers, trees, insects, coins, stamps, first aid, weather patterns, out-door cooking, survival techniques...and ever so many other valuable lessons that have contributed to my joy of life and living.

Today, in retirement and rusting health, the internet has become a source of wonder and delight for me because of all the fantastic knowledge out there just waiting for me to discover with a few clicks of my mouse. I can silently walk through the Library of Congress or the British Museum or ancient Egypt filling my mind with sights, many sounds and untold levels of wonders like no human before me. I can do research on just about anything known to humankind. WOW! What a great time to be alive.

I am not attempting to be a "Pollyanna." I am merely attempting to expose you to the path that allowed me to go these 68 years without the aid of any supernatural belief to make my life have Purpose, Meaning and Direction.

jayh

Remember that it's not the lack of goals that cause depression it's depression that makes goals seem worthless. This can occur even if the person has a relatively good life and plenty of things to do. [it's not just a matter of 'belief'. Depression is very common among religious people as well.]

It can sometimes be addressed through medication.

For some people, it can be a matter of habituation, like many other things. Mental thought patterns become altered by constant use. Being aware of the problem, knowing it exists and consciously modifying one's behavior with efforts at keeping focused may help you.

If not, see a doctor. Sometimes just a little help from a medication can help you work yourself over the hump.

j

d'naturalist

Hey Nero,

There is an objective purpose to life: living! So, get up! Get out! Go!

You say you suffer from a few anxiety disorders but right now you're living in a small town? Take advantage of the opportunity! Smaller towns mean fewer people (and occasionally even nicer people). Focus on that. Take a walk. Explore. Check out the local shops. Small towns usually have great antiques and used book stores. Sample some of the local restaurants. And yes, meet some people! Look at this as a chance to do some "social therapy" with your anxiety. Visit the local library or museum or browse through the shops and say "hello" to the people that work there. Ask them questions. The more experience you get socializing, the easier it'll get. And like AspenMama says, get a job. Even part time. Spending cash does wonders for the depressed mind.

And the exercise of walking around will be great for you. Get the blood flowing, shake the dust off the immune system, start pumping some endorphins into your brain. Good stuff. Of course, if you live on a farm in the middle of nowhere, that could be a problem. If you're stuck in the boonies, maybe it's time to write a novel or paint some landscapes or maybe do some renovations on the place in exchange for a discount on the rent (or the ever elusive spending cash). Look around the web for a free home-study course and learn something (I used to have one for learning web design, but I seem to have misplaced it).

The point is, you gotta get up and do something. Whether it's work or play. If you're living within walking distance of town, I think your best bet is to get out and explore the town. Who knows when you'll get another chance to live where overcrowding, smog, and grouchiness aren't mandated by law.

Best of luck to ya.


- A D -

orpheus last chant

i can say i'm depressed too. don't know if it's an illness or just my state of mind right now. i really don't want to know.
i took a test on the net, and supposedly i got high results on avoidant presonality. my kind of depression is strange.

it's almost omni-present when i have nothing to do, or in the many hours that i spend just reading books, meditating, listening or playing music. my life is so extremely serious and so not representative of my age - 16.
i can say trully that i feel like an alien with my friends, and mostly i play a role pretending to be more naive and optimist that i really feel. i should win an oscar. no one notices when i am depressive and i can say and laugh at jokes while meditating at some nietzschean ideas.

but the strangeness? i like it. i like being depressed. it gives me the power to be a better musician. teh best things i've written, even though they are ... a start .... i've written in the worst hours.

here is a page of my diary(it's a billingual one, cuz english is a very flexible language):
How not to feel inclined to regret the age of childhood, in which there was a person who would give you an explanation for everyting, in which any explanation or answer was a black or white situation, a yes or no answer. How not to regret the firm security of you own home and the lack of questions of what is after it.
And yet I cannot stop wanting to know more. The image of faust is so alien to me that I cannot understand it. One who wishes to know�on his path will reach the conclusion that he knows very little and that he cannot know it all. I already know it , and it did not take me long. And I don�t find it sad. I feel so connected with my generation. We are both in our teens�broken between extasy of a moment and sheer bitterness�and yet life is not absurd and meaningless�but we are not the centre of the universe and the actors in a cosmic play written for and by the only person who is the audience too.
Exageration brings us to the most silly nihilisms like inexistence of morals but also to exacerbations (trully baroque ones) like trying to judge it all with 10 propositions. And a million other minor rules.

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A friend of mine categorized it with religious crisis, he had such a grin on his face. i suppose it could be a faze... what do you think?

triplew00t

Mostly it is my hypochondria that ruins me. If I am to die tommarrow, why not stay in bed all day? Very minor symptoms (to normal people) are to me extreme. Backpain after lifting boxes for 6 hours? Is it strained muscles? No, its kidney failure. Urinating alot after drinking too much? Diabetes. I just spent 80 bucks on a kit to test for diabetes because of no more evidence than that. And that I was thirsty, most likely because my electrolytes got off track from all the sweating and drinking (I drank about two to three times as much as is the daily value). I have cotton mouth from this too I think, as I took a potassium suppliment to help, and that causes drymouth. Anyway, this is off topic now. But the hardest part is fighting the feeling that I am dying every day. I live in the same terror that a man on deathrow would be in the day before his execution. I don't know how to fight it, and its pull keeps trying to make me into a theist again, so death would not be the end anymore. I just dont know.

-Nero

Eric Starnes

Hey triplew00t, i feel your pain. I have been suffering from a lack of purpose since i rejected Objectivism. Then one day i found Free Inquiry magazine. This is the best source for secular commentary on current issues i have found. I looked through their back issues and found one that contained 7 articles on the search for meaning. Wonderful i thought, perhaps this can help me finally find a reason to live. I immediately payed the $7 for the back issue and waited eagerly for its arrival.

My dissapointment with the articles is surpassed only by the dissappointment i felt when i first realized the meaninglessness of life. Every one of the authors had the same basic message. The message had different packaging sure, but it came through loud and clear.

The message was:

Ya, its true Human life is totally and completely meaningless, but, but, but, we can still make some shit up and call it meaningful. Seriously, thats the unanimous conclusion of the writers for Free Inquiry.

So, if you want meaning you must either make some shit up yourself, or take someone elses shit and call that the meaning of your life.

For example, the article by S. Matthew D'Agostino in Free Inquiry's "Search for Meaning" concludes that your meaning is to continue the work of that first blue green alge that all life descended from. Your purpose is to reproduce and insure the continuation of yourself and your species.

Why should you do this? No reason, but im sure if that blue green algae was still here it would appreciate it.

This article is available here.

everlastingtongue

triplew00t,

I can really sympathize with you. I suffer from panic disorder and I think I�ve developed GAD as well, though it is undiagnosed at this time. I�ve become quite the hypochondriac myself lately. When my panic sets in I�m sure I have a brain tumor or that I�m having a heart attack. I�ve lost several members of my family to cancer, so I�m also sure that any minor pain is a sign of some undiagnosed cancer. To top it all off, I have been unemployed for the last seven months so I have all day long to ponder my issues. When I got married, I moved many miles away, so most of my friends are at quite a distance. I occasionally see them, but not on the daily basis that I used to. I too feel stranded. My wife tries to be sympathetic, but in the end doesn�t understand what anxiety disorders really feel like, and I�m sure wonders why I simply can�t get over it.

If you are like me, you need something all-consuming to satisfy you � to take your cares away. Simple things like taking a walk or watching TV aren�t enough to quiet your mind and the constant negative mental chatter that ensues. Again, if you are like me, you have too much mental energy each day, and if it�s not expended, you turn it against yourself.

If this is you, here are my suggestions:

Read this book:

�From Panic to Power : Proven Techniques to Calm Your Anxieties, Conquer Your Fears, and Put You in Control of Your Life�
by Lucinda Bassett
(Ignore the God references, it�s still a good book.)

Chess:

I know it might sound crazy, but this game can consume your life. There are literally thousands of theories and books about the game and many free places to play online. Also, there may be a local chess club in your area � they are everywhere. If you really get into it, serious chess will challenge you for a lifetime.

Poker:

No, I�m not advocating that you start gambling. There are several websites where you can play for free with play money. But the game, while simple to learn, takes a lifetime to master. If you want to get serious about poker it can consume your life.

Education:

Challenge yourself � where is your knowledge lacking? Force yourself to educate � get into a serious debate here on IIDB and when the posters claim sources you�ve never heard of, investigate them. Even if your local public library is lacking, there are many sources on the internet. Pick a subject, and challenge yourself to become an informal expert.

The bottom line is, if you are like me, you need to force yourself into mental challenges because you have too much mental energy and the waste only serves to attack yourself. I�m guessing that your are smarter than most � which is a curse unless you use it right and yet a benefit if you know how to work it.

Maybe you are too smart for your own good. Maybe you are meant for something great but just haven�t discovered it yet.

Simple people live simple lives but maybe you were not designed to be simple � accept the challenge. Success resides inside not outside.

Best wishes.

Suaup

Hey w00t,

I know what you're going through. Most of my teenage years were spent either trying to get laid or be the best at video games. Twenties roll around, college wraps up, and I'm struggling to fit in with the whole normal life routine. It seems to me that for many people in their twenties the solution to this problem is to just have some kids. After all, what better way to bring focus and purpose to your life than to live for your kids? I couldn't have them just to fill that empty hole, but some day when it's right. I wonder if you've noticed that too?

Till then, you know what did it for me? Guitar. Everyone loves music, and the guitar is such a great way to express your love and passion for music. You're never too old to start playing. I can't tell you where I'd be without my guitar. It gives me a focus to improve musically, it gives me a drive to write music, it gives me a buzz to play live, and it connects me with people and their emotions. When I'm feeling down, I pick up the guitar and play some blues. When I'm feeling up I'll play some classic rock. When I want to groove I'll play some funk. There's no limits on this instrument.

Eventually you'll start connecting to the music in ways you never have before. You'll hear songs, sounds, even see life differently (yea, yea, this is crossing the line of a clich�.) It connects you with all other musicians - I've made so many new friends just by the simple line of "Hey man, you up for jamming?" I've gotten dates from playing, and when I don't feel like talking for one reason or another - I just let the notes do the talking for me.

One of my friends who's an amazing guitarist and musician once told me when I was about 6 months in

"stay with this instrument. it will soothe you when you are down, entertain you when you are bored, get you laid on ugly days, and separate you from the masses of people with nothing to live for"

When he first told me that, I shrugged it off with a laugh. But now I've come to realize it really is the truth.

I hope you do consider taking it up, if you decide to I'd love to give you some of the links and resources I used to get going on the guitar. It doesn't take long either, I'll be officially playing for two years in August.

Here's an example of some fun groove music I wrote when I was bored. It's funkish with a popular internet film genre sound.

http://members.cox.net/knup00/PornFloyd.mp3

Realistically, you could be writing songs like this in 2 years of casual playing. It's not a very serious song of course, and most likely not your style, but the point is you could be making songs of your own style in little time.

I hope you decide to start playing, you'll never regret it

Postcard73

Hey triplew00t- there is some great advice already listed here. I particularly like the suggestions to exercise and to educate yourself...

I don't suffer from hypochondria, but I am diagnosed with rapid-cycling type 1 bipolar disorder. I take two anti-depressants and a mood stabilizer every day, and I will likely take them for the rest of my life. I have been in treatment for over three years, but I still have manic and depressed episodes from time to time. I don't have to deal with the daily thoughts that I'm dying, but I do have to constantly rediscover and adjust to myself...

Less than two weeks ago, I discussed my lack of meaning with my psychiatrist. Although he is a xian, he knows I'm an atheist and he approached my problem from a non-theistic perspective. What he told me was that I simply needed to strive to reach my true potential as a person in this life. My initial reaction to this was that it was crap. Reach my true potential? What a meaningless thing to say! I'm BP 1- my true potential is to kill myself...

However, in the 11 days since that discussion, I've given the idea a lot of thought; and I like it. I have decided that I will push towards my true potential, and for me this means two things. First of all, I am going to push myself to complete my education. I pay more attention to political news than any person I've ever known, and this fall I'm starting grad school in political science at Virginia Tech. I don't know how far I can go with this, but I know that I will have to push myself to overcome my highly damaging disorder. The second part of reaching my true potential is making people more aware of bipolar disorder. Many of the beepers I've met in the last few years are terrified to tell anybody about their illness because they are concerned they will be stigmatized. I don't really give a crap if people do stigmatize me, so I think I can help make others more aware that BP is a treatable physical disorder that can be overcome with effort and support...

So triplew00t, what does this mean for you? It means DON'T GIVE UP! Each person's true potential is different and thus subjective? So what! That helps make each of us unique. Search yourself, and determine what your true potential is. Aim for an ideal, and work towards it. Your hypochondria is a major obstacle, but it is not insurmountable. The next time you're in bed, frozen by the thought that you're diabetic or suffering kidney failure or whatever, ATTACK IT HEAD ON! Even when I'm in the depths of depression, there is some part of me somewhere deep down inside that knows my sorrow is absurd. I have to try and latch onto it and pull myself out. A conscious awareness of ourselves can be a curse. Presumably, my best friend's dog doesn't contemplate his mortality or lack of meaning. But a conscious awarness can also be a blessing because that same dog doesn't get to contemplate the beauty of art, or the joy of true love, or whatever. Find the things you enjoy, and lose yourself in them. Permit yourself to enjoy them. FORCE yourself to enjoy them if you have to! Find things that don't require other people. For me, the thing that has kept me alive the last thirty years is music. Whether it's a concert with 50,000 other people, or just some late night jazz through my headphones, music keeps me going...

Last thing: seek counseling and educate yourslef about your problems. I can't emphasize this enough. By the time I started counseling, my wife had left me and I was a heavy drug abuser. Without professional help, I wouldn't have made it six more months. I may not have made it six more days. With my shrink's help, I'm now sober, independent, and about to embark on the lengthy, scary, but acheivable goal of earning a PhD...

Hang in there...

Scott

Miss Piggy

Orpheus, I think your feelings are not as uncommon as you think. Of course, philosophically & theoretically oriented teenagers are a minority, but that minority is surprisingly large. And an teenager without a terrible angst is probably as common as a unicorn Your "happy" friends may just be hiding their sadness.

I think you should try to connect to soulmates in some hobby group (arts, sciences, philosophy) etc. Or then you should just try to endure until you can go to an university or an art school. There you certainly find people with similar interests.