beth

Sorry, I have a bad habit of getting off track in threads and goofing off.

I'm having a very hard time right now. I have been crying off and on all day. I wish I could believe in God again. I have always felt alone, but at least I had my god. Now I don't even have him. I know I'm pathetic. Life is not better without God.

Vicar Philip

bg,

Don't despair! You said you wished you could believe in god again. That means you don't, and so any comfort you used to get from "god" actually came from..... you! Find your inner resolve and strength, and know that those attributes come from YOU, not some imaginary being up there.

Why are you crying off and on? Are you having problems with your husband? Let us know!

Vicar

beth

No. No fights. Life is just overwelming. There are a lot of issues to deal with. A lot of my family is suffering. I miss being able to pray and have faith in my prayers. I miss being able to trust that God would heal. Now I see that he won't. I don't like people suffering without hope. At least I could pray before.

Gurdur

It takes time getting used to the emotional rearrangement, blondegoddess.

{{{{{{{{{{{hugz}}}}}}}}}}

and I personally wish you all the very best indeed, whatever you finally decide or do, or believe or don't believe in.

Opera Nut

I used to have faith in the Christian God too, but he never told me what to do. I never had the subjective experience of "knowing God" or "knowing Jesus", and I can't force a subjective reality to happen to me. I can't join that special country club of those beloved by the big Sky Daddy because I haven't had that special experience. There is nothing wrong with you because you haven't had that religious experience. They told me I didn't pray hard enough, which is arrogant and non-helpful. You are being honest with yourself and your mind and your true feelings of your heart, and that is the first step to understanding.

There is hope. There is hope in understanding yourself and others. Through understanding ourselves and others, we (ideally) develop compassion for ourselves and others as we try to make sense of life.

Don't give up! You are worthy of respect just because you're a person, and you are asking the right questions and using that brain that keeps your ears from flappin' together!!

Life is a journey and not a destination.
Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.

Philosoft

Hang in there. Chances are, you'll find you have more inner strength in your fingernail than God ever provided. Being on your own may seem frightening, but you know for sure who you can trust.

southernhybrid

I wish there was something I could say that would be helpful. I'm at a loss here other than to suggest that if these feelings last for more than a few weeks, that you consider treatment for depresson. Losing something that was as important to you as your faith could very well trigger a short term reactive type of depression. You need to grieve the loss of your God. Allow yourself time to do that. In time, I hope you will find your own personal meaning in life and move beyond these feelings of despair.

Take care of yourself and don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself. You could replace prayer with relaxation, meditation, and physical exercise. Replace praying with playing. That always lifts my spirits.

Bear in mind that all those years of praying were just as hopeless then as they are now. Nothing has really changed except for your own perceptions of things. Take it slowly.

beth

Thank you, all. I feel much better today. I do think that I am in mourning, though. I feel this way after someone dies. I'm sure this despair will end. It's just very hard from going from a devout believer to belief in nothing. I am trying to rediscover myself, though. I'm rethinking decisions in my life that I've made based on my faith.

Malcolm

BG, I don't have anything clever to say other than that I went through a very similar process. It certainly is like mourning, and I'm sure that there are people who would break it down into stages.

In some ways I think it is more like a divorce than a death. With bereavement you lose the person completely, but at least you have positive memories (hopefully). After a divorce you have also lost the person completely, but there may be feelings of betrayal and anger as well. These are the feelings I went through anyway - lots of sorrow at the passing of a major part of my life, but also a lot of anger about the betrayal and the lies that I had believed for so long.

I'm glad you are feeling better today, and I assure you that it will get better with time, but it may be a long time, and I expect there will be a lot of sadness to come. But hang in there; there are a lot of people rooting for you. It will be for the best!

Cheerful thoughts, Malcolm

Vicar Philip

No, no! You've gone from a devout believer of an imaginary "being" to belief in what is real. You no longer have to bend over backwards in defense of this silly, kindergarten-level perception of life. Take what we humans have learned from science and embrace that!

Of course it's easier to think we can "burden" god with our troubles and our problems. But how do we ultimately overcome the speed bumps in life? We roll up our sleeves and do what it takes to overcome them. WE do it. NOT god.

When you feel bad, come back here and tell us. We've all been through the various stages that you are experiencing, BG. Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself, tell us! We want to support you and help you in this transitional period of your life. I know it's traumatic, believe me!