BDS

Well, yes, OJ, I was loading my description.

However, yours sounds almost as bad.

What's wrong with, "May I buy you a drink?" first.

Then you can weasel out the information about the boyfriend.

True: if you think like Beetle, you might have wasted $3.75 on a drink. But at least you wouldn't seem like you were a total cheapskate, who would never blow $3.75 unless there was a potential sexual payoff.

Graeme

All the serious relationships I've ever had (i'm calling anything over 12 months 'serious') have been with people I've met through my friends.

Not at 'a place' in particular, just girls I would run into every once in a while through people I already knew. I showed interest, they reciprocated, ta-da.

Living downtown helps - you 'run into' a lot more people a lot more often.

Your pre-existing social circle is by far the best starting point for relationships - your friends, if you've chosen them well, have something in common with you, and their friends presumably have something in common with THEM. Thus you're only 1 degree of separation away to begin with.... worked for me, anyway.

The Other Michael

I met mine at work, though you may have to be a bit more careful when dating among coworkers so as not to be open to charges of harrassment.

cheers,
Michael

Shadowy Man

What's a "pre-existing social circle"??

godfry n. glad

Mine was a customer. I was her garbage hauler.

But then, we'd both met seven years earlier when we worked on a project that utilized our respective avocational interests, mine being acting and hers music. Community theater is a hotbed of smoldering emotions!

She was the bad Celtic harper and I was the bad bit-part actor. I was interested in her fellow musican, the pennywhistler player, who I found out was lesbian. I stupidly assumed that since they hung out together, that she, too, was gay. It took seven years and an off-hand comment to another woman about it being too bad she was gay, and having her set me straight, before I took the initiative.

Nineteen years later, we're still together and still happy about it.

godfry

Bible Humper

George Burns owns

Actually, though, I am sincere in my desire to have her feeling good about the interaction. It isn't all just a fraud to get into her pants while I actually don't give a shit about her or what she thinks of it all.

The reality is, that attractive women are hit on in one way or another all freakin day every freakin day. This leads them to become good at blowing guys off quickly. In addition to this, most people aren't completely comfortable immediately when they first start interacting with a total stranger. My way keeps things very cool until that first initial aversion becomes relative comfort.

You could view it as me being considerate in allowing her to get comfortable before I focus my full attentions on her.

My tactic when walking along and seeing a good target walking towards me is to just establish eye contact, make a "beaming" facial expression as if she is a coworker I haven't seen in a while or something, Duchenne smile, then "Hi!". This is quite a low percentage tactic, man, but it's all you've got when she is about to just pass by and out of your life forever. She doesn't even have a chance to get comfortable before she has to make a snap decision about whether she is going to blow you off instantly, or see how it goes.

My better way when she is stationary, the tactic you were talking about, lets her get somewhat comfortable first before having to make such a decision.

I'm increasing my odds, and giving her the opportunity to interact with me, after I MELT the ice rather than try to BREAK the ice.

Seems like a win-win situation to me.

It isn't creepy at all. You probably think of "picking up women" and remember the sleazy dudes you've seen with their overly forward approaches. I'm not like that.

I don't see it as really manipulating her, either. I'm just aware of the fact that making my opening too direct before the ice melts a bit, and she has interacted a little bit, will make her much more inclined to open up and be comfortable when I turn my full attentions on her.

Otherwise, I am swimming against the tide trying to compensate for the fact that I tried for rapport too early. No need to have this kind of unnecessary bias tainting my impression on her.


Yes, I'm completely serious.

MasterJackass

Usually a "special" catalog and a couple grand is the best route.

catalyst

I met my ex-wife in grad school. Probably why I have never completed my Ph.D.

Bible Humper

So what? If she isn't interested it isn't like it was some kind of traumatic event for her to have a guy approach her and run some game.

Do you think that women NEVER respond positively or something? Why the hell is Beetle's attempt "doubtless in vain"??? Many (most?) men in a bar on any given night would love to end it by taking home a honey. They know it, and the women know it too(that's part of why bars suck so bad!).

And guess what! Some of the women have that motivation too!!!! Or at least CAN have that motivation if they meet the right man and there's chemistry. No need to demand that we all behave like you do, man.

OMGLOL That is the last thing you do, especially as an opener. You've come up to her, used an obviously canned line, made a blatant statement of your intent before she has even said anything to you, set her up as the prize for you to chase right from the get go, made it difficult for her to respond positively yet in a way that doesn't convey "I don't have a boyfriend so we can get it on", and done all that in a really cheesy way that gives her an easy one word blowoff while she registers all of the above.

No wonder you don't view bars as a place to meet women! I think they suck too, but you're handicapping yourself man!

HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry man, but never say crap like that. Trust me. No, don't trust me. Brighid has already given out advice that is pure gold. Ask her about THIS.

Not sure if this is a joke, considering the above.....

BTW, do you think a girl with a boyfriend is fanatical or something? Lots of attractive women swing from borefriend to borefriend like a tree monkey swings along branches. They always have the next one in sight before letting go of the first.

WWSD

So far I have had a lot of votes to try ye merry olde internet. I've heard about 50-50 good and bad experiences. If nothing else it will be an adventure.

I'm also taking a swing/latin dance class next semester. It looks like fun.

My friends are either married with kids or worthless when it comes to other singles. The married folks seem only to know other married folks and my single friends, well, forget about it.

Perhaps I should just forget dating altogether and have 60 cats...