HelenM

Hi Intensity,

I was wondering how things were going, for you, since you hadn't posted in some days.

Does what you wrote mean that things are ok with you and your girlfriend? That you're not going to break up with her because she went against what you said about other men, to some extent?

Helen

Ted Hoffman

Hi Helen, Happy New Year!
Sorry I havent posted for a while (my apologies to you and to all that gave their very useful contributions). I went for a two week break and also spent a lot or time at ARN and ISCID.

Things are ok between me and her and I will propose today (if she can get time) or tomorrow. She did not go against anything!
Who said anything about breaking up?

I know her well enough (if six years arent enough, we are hopeless indeed) and I am confident that its the right thing to do for both of us. We have discussed and agreed.
We will deal with the challenges that marriage brings together .

She has apologised and explained what was happening all those times her sleeping patterns changed and I shared my emotionally harrowing experience with her. She was understanding and she also told me she went through a similar experience a while ago. She is not to be blamed solely - largely, it was poor communication and jealousy/ partly insecurity (but it also stems from my skepticism).
We agreed on plenty of things and I am sure she loves me though she doesnt completely agree with me on the issue of opposite sex friendships.
I am willing to learn and compromise.

I think I was going through an emotional phase of some sort. And I have a friend that went through a similar experience. So I dont think it was particularly unique to myself - just painful.

I have managed to straighten out plenty of the illusions I had, faced my fears and ask myself the tough questions. I have also come to know myself better and know her better too. Now, I am trying to crawl up from my emotional infancy. My knees are still weak and its difficult to maintain a balance but I am making progress.

I know it will take some time. I will be strong, secure and confident.

Thank you all for your concern and earnest contributions.

HelenM

And to you too!

I hope you had a good break . I figured you must be away...

Wow - awesome!

Great!

It sounds like you had the talk you needed to have and it went well

I can relate to 'emotional phases' - and worse, in fact.Well, please don't set the bar higher than you can manage - give yourself time to change insofar as you believe change is beneficial. Be realistic and set goals you can achieve...your girlfriend evidently loves you as you are so that's a great place to begin...

You're most welcome. I do wish both of you the very best...

take care
Helen

brighid

Intensity,

I am VERY glad to hear that both of you have talked, reconciled your differences and come to a compromise that you both can feel good about!! That is awesome.

Sometimes it is very difficult to sit back and take a long look at yourself and figure out what you are doing to contribute to a not so good situation. That takes courage and it takes personal strength to admit that you are making some mistakes and then to actually set about changing those things. You have demonstrated courage and personal strength worthy of a lot of praise. I, for one, applaud your efforts.

I hope you didn't feel I was personally demonizing you. I surely didn't intend that, but sometimes intentions aren't always conveyed accurately. I apologize if I presented you in such a manner, or if you felt I had done so.

I also know how difficult it is when you are passionate and emotionally attached to someone. It can be maddening, but with some effort we grow and become stronger from these difficult experiences. So, in the end all this is not for want, but rather a valuable opportunity to develop into a better person.

I hope your proposal goes well and that you and she will continue to grow as individuals and as a couple; tackling life's trials, tribulations, joys and sorrows together with strength, courage, love, patience and understanding.

Best Wishes and please let us know how everything goes.

Brighid

Ted Hoffman

Helen and Brighid,
Thanks a lot. Brighid, I took no offense at all about what you said earlier. Not that there was anything offensive about your sentiments either. I just want you to rest assured.
This is the day I go on one knee...

HelenM

We'll be waiting to hear how it goes, Intensity...well, I hope!

take care
Helen

Ted Hoffman

Helen,
It went well thank you. We are now engaged. We will set the wedding date later, after I have met her parents (if they agree to meet me).

seebs

Congratulations! I hope you guys work out the friendships thing. Neither my wife nor I could stand not having opposite sex friends; we both have a hard time making friends sometimes, and limiting our selection pool would SUCK.

HelenM

Congratulations, Intensity! I'm very happy for both of you!

take care
Helen

brighid

Intensity,

I am very glad to hear that you did not take offense to any of my suggestions, or opinions. Sometimes, as you may know ... people don't always react as you would have thought

Congratulations on your engagement!! How exciting. I wish both of you the very best and may the wedding planning, meeting of in-laws, etc. go smoothly. We will want pictures once the day comes.

Brighid