Freethought & Rationalism Archive

HelenM · 08-01-2003, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by beth
Maybe if I can get my children around secularists, it will do them a little good. They are quite miffed that mommy is an atheist right now.

Beth, can you say any more about that? Are they mad at you? How did they find out you're an atheist (if you don't mind me asking)?

Helen

Viti · 08-01-2003, 02:37 PM

This may be a good time to start teaching your children about tolerance for those that are different or have different beliefs.

beth · 08-01-2003, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HelenM
Beth, can you say any more about that? Are they mad at you? How did they find out you're an atheist (if you don't mind me asking)?

Helen

Helen, I'll email you about it tomorrow. I have to go off. Love ya...

beth · 08-01-2003, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LadyShea
This may be a good time to start teaching your children about tolerance for those that are different or have different beliefs.

It's not the intolerance for other beliefs that's got them, it's the idea of mommy going to hell. They are hurt and scared for me.

Godless Dave · 08-01-2003, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by beth
It's not the intolerance for other beliefs that's got them, it's the idea of mommy going to hell. They are hurt and scared for me.

Beth, if I can offer a suggestion, maybe you could tell them that God doesn't punish good people, just like Mommy and Daddy don't punish kids for being good.

beth · 08-03-2003, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Godless Dave
Beth, if I can offer a suggestion, maybe you could tell them that God doesn't punish good people, just like Mommy and Daddy don't punish kids for being good.

This is a good idea. I told them similar. It seemed to help some. They were almost back to normal yesterday.

The Other Michael · 08-03-2003, 08:34 AM

The problem I see with that is now they can presume that everyone who is being "punished" in some way must be a bad person.

People in car wrecks, the homeless, the disabled etc are all obviously bad people, since God wouldn't be "punishing" them if they were good.

Beth, "friends are the family you get to chose yourself". You should be able to find friends in places other than church (or even at more friendly churches than the one you've been a part of), and letting someone abuse you because of an accident of birth (and what about the in-laws that get to abuse you through the accident of marriage?) seems a pretty silly thing for an adult to let happen.

I'd guess that even if you do go back into the closet, you are likely to be viewed with some suspicion from here on out, and will have your "transgressions" thrown in your face any time one of your "friends" or "loving relatives" decides they need to put you down.

I hope you can find something that works for you without doing too much damage to your psyche and self-esteem.

good luck,
Michael

beth · 08-03-2003, 10:25 AM

I understand. I was just a very family orientated person. Even though I saw faults with them, they were my blood and I loved them. I think it just hurt very bad that even my own mother ignored me on principal. But I'm beginning to understand that others have experienced similar things. I guess that I shouldn't expect a miracle with her, anyway; she has hurt me very deeply in the past before. But this time it is because of religion.

My friends were people whom I've known for ten to thirteen years. I have some aquaintances, but none that I am close enough with to actually consider them to be a friend. I have online friends, of course, but it isn't the same. I like to talk and laugh and giggle with someone and actually have one on one contact. It's only been a short period of time since I deconverted. Perhaps I can adjust to it.

ex-preacher · 08-03-2003, 01:45 PM

From my experience, things will definitely improve over time. It just takes people a while to get used to the "new you." It probably took you a long time of thinking to deconvert, so it doesn't seem all that radical to you (or maybe it does). They are probably still in shock. In time they will see that you haven't sprouted horns and a tail and might even share a giggle with you. Be patient is my best advice. I know, easy for me to say.

vern · 08-03-2003, 02:18 PM

Hi Beth,
I think I understand some of what you're feeling. I was Mormon for eleven years, did the missionary thing and all. It's a close community, and my wife and her family can trace their mormon 'heritage' back several generations. When I became outspoken about my atheism (just a couple of months ago), the first thing my mother-in-law did was ask my wife if she was sure she wanted to remain in "that kind of situation". Friends and family have all been shocked, then hurt, then angry. My wife has since left the church also, but still believes in a God. The sudden lack of social activity and the lack of communication with family is stressful.
Enough of the life history though. My point in responding was simply to say that I understand how the sudden loss of social interaction feels. I don't even know yet how I'm going to replace the void that it's created. I do know one thing though, God isn't going to do it for me.
Going back would not be an option for me. The fact is, once you've opened your eyes I don't think you can ever really close them again for the sake of making someone else more comfortable.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

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08-01-2003, 02:37 PM	#22
Viti Contributor Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Down South Posts: 12,879	This may be a good time to start teaching your children about tolerance for those that are different or have different beliefs.

08-03-2003, 08:34 AM	#27
The Other Michael Honorary Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: In the fog of San Francisco Posts: 12,631	The problem I see with that is now they can presume that everyone who is being "punished" in some way must be a bad person. People in car wrecks, the homeless, the disabled etc are all obviously bad people, since God wouldn't be "punishing" them if they were good. Beth, "friends are the family you get to chose yourself". You should be able to find friends in places other than church (or even at more friendly churches than the one you've been a part of), and letting someone abuse you because of an accident of birth (and what about the in-laws that get to abuse you through the accident of marriage?) seems a pretty silly thing for an adult to let happen. I'd guess that even if you do go back into the closet, you are likely to be viewed with some suspicion from here on out, and will have your "transgressions" thrown in your face any time one of your "friends" or "loving relatives" decides they need to put you down. I hope you can find something that works for you without doing too much damage to your psyche and self-esteem. good luck, Michael

08-03-2003, 10:25 AM	#28
beth Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: where orange blossoms bloom... Posts: 1,802	I understand. I was just a very family orientated person. Even though I saw faults with them, they were my blood and I loved them. I think it just hurt very bad that even my own mother ignored me on principal. But I'm beginning to understand that others have experienced similar things. I guess that I shouldn't expect a miracle with her, anyway; she has hurt me very deeply in the past before. But this time it is because of religion. My friends were people whom I've known for ten to thirteen years. I have some aquaintances, but none that I am close enough with to actually consider them to be a friend. I have online friends, of course, but it isn't the same. I like to talk and laugh and giggle with someone and actually have one on one contact. It's only been a short period of time since I deconverted. Perhaps I can adjust to it.

08-03-2003, 01:45 PM	#29
ex-preacher Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: University of Arkansas Posts: 1,033	From my experience, things will definitely improve over time. It just takes people a while to get used to the "new you." It probably took you a long time of thinking to deconvert, so it doesn't seem all that radical to you (or maybe it does). They are probably still in shock. In time they will see that you haven't sprouted horns and a tail and might even share a giggle with you. Be patient is my best advice. I know, easy for me to say.

08-03-2003, 02:18 PM	#30
vern New Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 1	Hi Beth, I think I understand some of what you're feeling. I was Mormon for eleven years, did the missionary thing and all. It's a close community, and my wife and her family can trace their mormon 'heritage' back several generations. When I became outspoken about my atheism (just a couple of months ago), the first thing my mother-in-law did was ask my wife if she was sure she wanted to remain in "that kind of situation". Friends and family have all been shocked, then hurt, then angry. My wife has since left the church also, but still believes in a God. The sudden lack of social activity and the lack of communication with family is stressful. Enough of the life history though. My point in responding was simply to say that I understand how the sudden loss of social interaction feels. I don't even know yet how I'm going to replace the void that it's created. I do know one thing though, God isn't going to do it for me. Going back would not be an option for me. The fact is, once you've opened your eyes I don't think you can ever really close them again for the sake of making someone else more comfortable. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

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