Freethought & Rationalism Archive

ju'iblex · 07-09-2003, 07:16 PM

I have this small annoying habit of experimenting with foods and cooking when I'm alone. Not the type which is really made to eat mind you, just fucking around. And i got to thinking, after one of my marshmallows exploded in the microwave, what are some awful things that have happened to you in the kitchen, there are plenty of cooks out there, i know it, so i think it's only fair we have the recipe thread and the recipes you should never try or "how to blow up your kitchen" thread.

I personally haven't ever done anything that stupid, surprisingly, although i will mention, never microwave honeycomb - it's stupid.

actually, i do have a story from my food tech days in school, one girl took a whole chicken out of the freezer, put it in a pot of boiling oil and *kaboom* the entire thing exploded.

Showering everyone with oil, it was hilarious.

PandaJoe · 07-09-2003, 07:32 PM

I've never really tried experimenting too much with food, but I have an amazing ability to screw up pretty simple things. Last time I tried to make scambled eggs, I almost burned my house down. I had set the stove waay to high, and forgot to turn it down. I tossed a piece of butter to melt on the pan, and FOOOM!!! I never knew butter could explode like that. The eggs sucked, too.
Of course, I'll have to start cooking for myself all the time soon, when I move into my own apartment.

echidna · 07-09-2003, 07:38 PM

I think microwaving eggs is just something which everyone with a microwave must experiment with if only once.

But apart from that, my countless kitchen failures have sadly not been so visually spectacular as just ... well ... failures.

At the disability group I work with it's been suggested that I have a cooking disability, so that's my story & I'm sticking to it.

RevDahlia · 07-09-2003, 07:43 PM

I decided to win the affections of a boy who wasn't interested in me by baking him a pie. It looked good. It smelled good. It was too bad I forgot to put in the sugar ... and with a strawberry-rhubarb pie, that is no joke.

Startlingly, he was not impressed.

I'm actually a pretty good cook otherwise, though.

In her book "Home Cooking" (which I cannot recommend enough to hesitant cooks, it's funny and reassuring and has great recipes) the late novelist Laurie Colwin has an essay about memorable kitchen disasters. One I remember is the story about how she tried to court a boy by making a stuffed fish which she described as resembling "Hieronymous Bosch's vision of Hell."

moral: Unless you know yourself to be very competent, do not try to impress your paramours by cooking.

Loren Pechtel · 07-09-2003, 08:06 PM

No cooking disasters personally.

My wife has managed to blow up an egg in the microwave twice--about a decade apart.

Once my mother mixed up the oatmeal and the chick mash (she didn't use them often and kept them in the refrigerator, similar containers.) The texture of the raw stuff is pretty similar. Only the chick mash has some small seeds in it that do *NOT* cook in the time oatmeal cookies do.

mongrel · 07-09-2003, 08:10 PM

Well, I wouldn't have believed flames that big were possible from a meat pie...

Oh, and don't put unopened cans of baked beans onto a campfire- especially when no-one else's watching. But then, that wasn't accidental.

chanoc · 07-09-2003, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RevDahlia
I decided to win the affections of a boy who wasn't interested in me by baking him a pie. It looked good. It smelled good. It was too bad I forgot to put in the sugar ... and with a strawberry-rhubarb pie, that is no joke.

Once, I was making a batch of pastries practicing for a 4 - H cooking demo. I got the sweet buns out of the oven, cooled them, and took a bite, something was very wronge -- they tasted like shit! I figured it out; I used salt in place of sugar.:boohoo:

BigBlue2 · 07-09-2003, 08:25 PM

Back when I was a stupid teenager (as opposed to the stupid 35-year-old I am now) I was frying some chips (french fries) in a pot of boiling oil. The oil caught fire, and me being the aforementioned stupid teenager tried to douse the flames by pouring a pot of water over it. Fortunately, the rsulting fireball didn't burn anything of importance, but only painted the kitchen black. I only avoided having my hair and other body parts torched through hitting the floor very quickly.

Mediancat · 07-09-2003, 08:28 PM

Well, I've been hit by shrapnel from someone else's exploding microwaved egg (which a la MASH I promptly termed "shell fragments"), but my cooking disaster involved breadsticks.

The breadsticks themselves, I must confess, were pre-made. What I did was coat them with melted margarine, pepper, oregano, and a little garlic, and stuck them in the oven for a few minutes to heat up.

When they were done, I took one and dipped it in marinara sauce before I took a bite. It tasted . . . well, odd. I checked the sauce, no, that was fine.

So I took another bite of the breadstick . . . choked it down, examined the spice area of my cabinet, and swore.

The garlic powder sat unopened at the rear of the cabinet. I'd used cinnamon sugar.

In my defense, the containers WERE identically shaped . . .

Rob aka Mediancat

PopeInTheWoods · 07-09-2003, 09:10 PM

Not exactly cooking but microwaving. While using her good china, my mother discovered that gold is indeed a metal.

Andy

07-09-2003, 07:16 PM	#1
ju'iblex Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Sydney Australia and beyond the realms of Gehenna Posts: 6,035	Cooking Gone Wrong I have this small annoying habit of experimenting with foods and cooking when I'm alone. Not the type which is really made to eat mind you, just fucking around. And i got to thinking, after one of my marshmallows exploded in the microwave, what are some awful things that have happened to you in the kitchen, there are plenty of cooks out there, i know it, so i think it's only fair we have the recipe thread and the recipes you should never try or "how to blow up your kitchen" thread. I personally haven't ever done anything that stupid, surprisingly, although i will mention, never microwave honeycomb - it's stupid. actually, i do have a story from my food tech days in school, one girl took a whole chicken out of the freezer, put it in a pot of boiling oil and kaboom the entire thing exploded. Showering everyone with oil, it was hilarious.

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07-09-2003, 07:32 PM	#2
PandaJoe Regular Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Bloomington, Indiana Posts: 188	I've never really tried experimenting too much with food, but I have an amazing ability to screw up pretty simple things. Last time I tried to make scambled eggs, I almost burned my house down. I had set the stove waay to high, and forgot to turn it down. I tossed a piece of butter to melt on the pan, and FOOOM!!! I never knew butter could explode like that. The eggs sucked, too. Of course, I'll have to start cooking for myself all the time soon, when I move into my own apartment.

07-09-2003, 07:38 PM	#3
echidna Veteran Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 2,832	I think microwaving eggs is just something which everyone with a microwave must experiment with if only once. But apart from that, my countless kitchen failures have sadly not been so visually spectacular as just ... well ... failures. At the disability group I work with it's been suggested that I have a cooking disability, so that's my story & I'm sticking to it.

07-09-2003, 07:43 PM	#4
RevDahlia Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Austin, TX, USA Posts: 4,930	I decided to win the affections of a boy who wasn't interested in me by baking him a pie. It looked good. It smelled good. It was too bad I forgot to put in the sugar ... and with a strawberry-rhubarb pie, that is no joke. Startlingly, he was not impressed. I'm actually a pretty good cook otherwise, though. In her book "Home Cooking" (which I cannot recommend enough to hesitant cooks, it's funny and reassuring and has great recipes) the late novelist Laurie Colwin has an essay about memorable kitchen disasters. One I remember is the story about how she tried to court a boy by making a stuffed fish which she described as resembling "Hieronymous Bosch's vision of Hell." moral: Unless you know yourself to be very competent, do not try to impress your paramours by cooking.

07-09-2003, 08:06 PM	#5
Loren Pechtel Obsessed Contributor Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Not Mayaned Posts: 96,752	No cooking disasters personally. My wife has managed to blow up an egg in the microwave twice--about a decade apart. Once my mother mixed up the oatmeal and the chick mash (she didn't use them often and kept them in the refrigerator, similar containers.) The texture of the raw stuff is pretty similar. Only the chick mash has some small seeds in it that do NOT cook in the time oatmeal cookies do.

07-09-2003, 08:10 PM	#6
mongrel Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: North of the South Pole Posts: 5,177	Well, I wouldn't have believed flames that big were possible from a meat pie... Oh, and don't put unopened cans of baked beans onto a campfire- especially when no-one else's watching. But then, that wasn't accidental.

07-09-2003, 08:25 PM	#8
BigBlue2 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 6,666	Back when I was a stupid teenager (as opposed to the stupid 35-year-old I am now) I was frying some chips (french fries) in a pot of boiling oil. The oil caught fire, and me being the aforementioned stupid teenager tried to douse the flames by pouring a pot of water over it. Fortunately, the rsulting fireball didn't burn anything of importance, but only painted the kitchen black. I only avoided having my hair and other body parts torched through hitting the floor very quickly.

07-09-2003, 08:28 PM	#9
Mediancat Contributor Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Baltimore County, MD Posts: 19,644	Well, I've been hit by shrapnel from someone else's exploding microwaved egg (which a la MASH I promptly termed "shell fragments"), but my cooking disaster involved breadsticks. The breadsticks themselves, I must confess, were pre-made. What I did was coat them with melted margarine, pepper, oregano, and a little garlic, and stuck them in the oven for a few minutes to heat up. When they were done, I took one and dipped it in marinara sauce before I took a bite. It tasted . . . well, odd. I checked the sauce, no, that was fine. So I took another bite of the breadstick . . . choked it down, examined the spice area of my cabinet, and swore. The garlic powder sat unopened at the rear of the cabinet. I'd used cinnamon sugar. In my defense, the containers WERE identically shaped . . . Rob aka Mediancat

07-09-2003, 09:10 PM	#10
PopeInTheWoods Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Rochester NY USA Posts: 4,318	Not exactly cooking but microwaving. While using her good china, my mother discovered that gold is indeed a metal. Andy

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