Zadok001

Buy a Bible, preferably with a leather cover. Tear out all the pages, leaving the binding intact. Get some good book paste, and glue several hundred sheets of flash paper in the place of the pages.

Buy a fire extinguisher. Put it next to your door.

Buy a black and/or dark red outfit, preferably something that gives the vaguest hint of demonic possession. Make sure it goes well with gloves.

Buy a pair of black gloves. Something fireproof is recommended. Usings scissors, put a small hole in the index finger of the left glove, on the side close to the thumb. Fill that finger of the glove with the following: 1 (one) small, flexible peice of plastic tubing, 1 (one) device that will emit a spark when activated.

Now, when you put your hand in the glove, keep your index finger bent down. Pick up the Bible. Make sure you can hold it effectively while keeping the index finger of your left hand pointed at it. You won't need to hold it like that for long, so don't worry about stability - It only needs to be near the 'finger' for a second.

Run the plastic tubing through the palm of the glove and out through the wrist. You know those little squeeze things doctors use to pump up the bands around your arm to get your blood pressure? {removed reference to illegal action - Maverick} Fill it with lighter fluid and attach it to the end of the plastic tubing. Squeeze it. Lighter fluid should spurt out of your finger.

Now attach the sparking device (whatever you may choose) such that the spark will be produced in the same position as the lighter fluid.

Wire up such that the pump and the sparker are engaged simultaneously when you activate your device.

Next time someone tries to convert you, tell them you've already converted, hold up the Bible, and say "In the name of Satan my Dark Lord!" Hit the button while pointing at the Bible. For style points, throw it at them.

Rhea

Ask them if you can make an appointment that shows a barest inkling of sensitivity. Since you work 2nd shift, tell them that after work will be perfect. You'll provide the snacks. 1am perhaps? That will be lovely, thank you so much.

And when they show up for their appointed time, tell them that you are very interested in what they have to say and you will listen open-minded for 30 minutes, after they satisfy you with the story of how they rejected Islam. ANd Judaism. And Hinduism. And Shintoism. And...

And make them say exactly what critical analysis they used to reject each of those religions. Take notes if you can!

Because, after all, you SINCERELY want to gain their wisdom in discerning religions. And before you can consider theirs, you NEED them to tell you what criteria are important for rejecting the others.


I have a genuine curiosity about a religionist's answer to this question.


(hmmmm, maybe this would be a good topic in GRD. I think I'll start one!)

Swiss Tony

I make frozen ice cubes from my own piss. When fundy door to door types come round I offer them a glass of orange juice chilled with my special ice cubes. You'd be surprised how many of them say, "Mmmm delicious."

Jewel

You could always answer the door naked. No matter what you look like, that should leave them speechless.

Ab_Normal

A friend of mine did this to the Jehovah's Witnesses who were pestering him. It worked.

GunnerJ

Damn, I should start going door-to-door.

Shadowy Man

You should have shared with her the bad news.

PsycheDelia

why have i never thought abt putting it that way? will try that on my fundy bf the next time he talks abt the good news...

BadBadBad

I read a site where a guy got caught off guard by some fundies that came to his door. He was more than up to the challenge though and he pulled out his Bible and his "notes" and started firing away the questions to these unprepared brainless twits. He had them running away with the "We'll see whose right when you're burning in Hell" in no time. See here for the whole story: fundies at my door

I thought of a twist on that. Tell them you're ready to hear God's word. Then confront them with Mark 16:17-18, and tell them you want to make sure they're true believers. Oh, and make sure you have a little glass of ipecac handy. If they drink up, I think they'll get the message. If not, tell them you're only willing to accept God's word from True Believers!

I posted this recently and Faust responded with this followup question:

"Have you read the scripture of Mark where he discusses lying? You are familiar with Mark 18:19-23 aren't you?"

When they say "Why yes of course" you can simply say "there is no chapter 18 of Mark. you are a liar."

Defiant Heretic

Here are some other threads that dealt with the issue.

Fun things to do with Street Corner Xians
101 Fun things to do with doorbell missionaries
Little green Bibles...