Freethought & Rationalism Archive

Proxima Centauri · 03-04-2003, 06:58 AM

Please tell us how you like your aunt. Do you get on well with her? Does she want you to stay longer? If we know we can advise you better.

simian · 03-04-2003, 06:59 AM

It may be worth pointing out to your father that atheism is not the equivalent of worshiping Satan.

I can come up with three methods of trying to point this out to him.
1. Sit down and talk with him about it. Probably the most difficult (in my opinion) - you have to have your thoughts in order and not get side-tracked by his comments or anger (but still answering related questions if he brings it up).
2. Write out what you do/don't believe. Takes some time to do, but can be laid out well and he can read it as his handling of the situation allows. Difficult part is putting your thoughts into a coherent document.
3. Get him a good book on what atheism is/is not. I don't have any suggestions on this one - mine was a solitary journey, no guidebook.

In the mean time, be glad you have an understanding aunt. Try to help her out some around the house - taking somebody in can be frustrating at times. Let us know how things go.

Simian

Godless Dave · 03-04-2003, 08:03 AM

Abbasux, are you happy living with your aunt? How much of a hardship do you think it is for her to have you staying there (as far as finances and work for her). I ask because it seems like a more healthy environment for you. If it's possible for you to stay with her long term that might be the best option. Of course it goes without saying that if you end up doing that you should help around the house even more than you would at home. IIRC she has a baby - if you can babysit for your aunt (with clearly defined timeframes and guidelines) it would probably make things easier on her. You are fortunate to have her around. Many kids get kicked out (often because they are gay, or for discipline problems, or becuase their parents just don't feel like supporting them anymore) and have nowhere to go.

openeyes · 03-04-2003, 08:53 AM

Abbasux, in addition to the other advice that you been given, I'm thinking one other thing may be helpful.

Reassure your dad that atheism doesn't mean immorality or irresponsibility. See if you can show him that by whatever means are important to him such as good effort at school, involvement in extra-curricular stuff, help around house, no chemical use, etc. (other than attending worship service or things along that line.) See if you can get by living a life that looks good, even if you don't believe in the premise for the "goodness" that so many others do. Agree to leave religious discussion out as others have suggested. I understand this may be difficult depending if there are other issues you're battling over, but perhaps this approach may help you have some success reconciling with your dad.

Arvel Joffi · 03-04-2003, 11:06 AM

Maybe you could speak to your father's pastor. I understand that your father has strong convictions, but he has gone too far. I think his pastor might be able to show him that shunning his son was simply not very Christian, irresponsible, and not very loving. Tell your father's pastor to him that you miss him and you miss your family.

I hope the best for you.

One of the last sane · 03-04-2003, 07:38 PM

If you talk to your dad face to face rather than writing to him, have an independent mediator present. Parents tend to know all the buttons to push to make a teenager feel as helpless as a little kid and behave accordingly.
Good luck, hang in there, be strong.

Sephiroth · 03-04-2003, 07:56 PM

Well, if you get along real well with your aunt then, if I were you I would stay with her permanently if it's possible. Don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for and there's no sense in pretending to be a theist now that you've made your views known since they'll probably come out again later. What's the chances that you'll be able to reconcile with your father (without apologies) and what does your mother think of this?

TomboyMom · 03-05-2003, 07:50 AM

Abbasux: we are concerned about you. Can you report in on how it is going? How can we help you?
What your dad did was wrong, wrong, wrong.
We need more info before we can advise you further.

Rene

Godless Dave · 03-05-2003, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by TomboyMom
What your dad did was wrong, wrong, wrong.

I forgot to mention that. Figured it went without saying, but it's easier to see from the outside. He is the one who owes you an apology, not the other way around. Please check in and let us know how things are.

Proxima Centauri · 03-05-2003, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Abbasux
Everone just calls me Brax, I am 15 years old and I was kicked out of my house last week by my dad because I wanted to talk to him about my atheism. Right now I am staying with my aunt and I like it here and I actually wish I could just live here because I can just be myself but I also miss my little brother and even my dad. My aunt is a member here and CF and she suggested I join and maybe that would be good for me so here I am. Seebs and Marcel over at CF gave me some good advice but I thought I could also try this place.

Brax I'm sorry for you. When I was fifteen I was a freethinking agnostic and I had to change to a Roman Catholic school. The nuns who looked after things there thought Non-Christians were the lowest of the low. Still what you are going through is far worse than what happened to me. You will have to be really strong.
I agree with the others. Staying with your Aunt permanently looks like a good idea. You are choosing your own position on religion. You are choosing where to live. See that as moving towards being an independent adult.
If you go back to your family your dad will know how to make you feel awful about atheism. You may have to put up with lurid stories about Hell from your dad, your dad's friends and people from your dad's church.
Your Aunt knows how to help you feel good over being an atheist. The others have a few good suggestions. Work hard a school and help your Aunt. That way your Aunt will be proud to help raise you. See to it that you get good grades at school so when you are eighteen you can get a scholarship to a really cool College or University somewhere like New York. There being an atheist should be OK. If you have a scholarship you can be independent.
Writing to your dad without apologizing looks like a good idea. Talk to your Aunt about writing to your Mum as well. Perhaps your Mum can visit you and bring your younger brother.

03-05-2003, 07:50 AM	#18
TomboyMom Contributor Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 10,931	are you o.k.? Abbasux: we are concerned about you. Can you report in on how it is going? How can we help you? What your dad did was wrong, wrong, wrong. We need more info before we can advise you further. Rene

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03-04-2003, 06:58 AM	#11
Proxima Centauri Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: England, the EU. Posts: 2,403	Please tell us how you like your aunt. Do you get on well with her? Does she want you to stay longer? If we know we can advise you better.

03-04-2003, 06:59 AM	#12
simian Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: St. Louis, MO area Posts: 1,924	It may be worth pointing out to your father that atheism is not the equivalent of worshiping Satan. I can come up with three methods of trying to point this out to him. 1. Sit down and talk with him about it. Probably the most difficult (in my opinion) - you have to have your thoughts in order and not get side-tracked by his comments or anger (but still answering related questions if he brings it up). 2. Write out what you do/don't believe. Takes some time to do, but can be laid out well and he can read it as his handling of the situation allows. Difficult part is putting your thoughts into a coherent document. 3. Get him a good book on what atheism is/is not. I don't have any suggestions on this one - mine was a solitary journey, no guidebook. In the mean time, be glad you have an understanding aunt. Try to help her out some around the house - taking somebody in can be frustrating at times. Let us know how things go. Simian

03-04-2003, 08:03 AM	#13
Godless Dave Contributor Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: With 10,000 lakes who needs a coast? Posts: 10,762	Abbasux, are you happy living with your aunt? How much of a hardship do you think it is for her to have you staying there (as far as finances and work for her). I ask because it seems like a more healthy environment for you. If it's possible for you to stay with her long term that might be the best option. Of course it goes without saying that if you end up doing that you should help around the house even more than you would at home. IIRC she has a baby - if you can babysit for your aunt (with clearly defined timeframes and guidelines) it would probably make things easier on her. You are fortunate to have her around. Many kids get kicked out (often because they are gay, or for discipline problems, or becuase their parents just don't feel like supporting them anymore) and have nowhere to go.

03-04-2003, 08:53 AM	#14
openeyes Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Minnesota Posts: 4,215	Abbasux, in addition to the other advice that you been given, I'm thinking one other thing may be helpful. Reassure your dad that atheism doesn't mean immorality or irresponsibility. See if you can show him that by whatever means are important to him such as good effort at school, involvement in extra-curricular stuff, help around house, no chemical use, etc. (other than attending worship service or things along that line.) See if you can get by living a life that looks good, even if you don't believe in the premise for the "goodness" that so many others do. Agree to leave religious discussion out as others have suggested. I understand this may be difficult depending if there are other issues you're battling over, but perhaps this approach may help you have some success reconciling with your dad.

03-04-2003, 11:06 AM	#15
Arvel Joffi Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 3,359	Maybe you could speak to your father's pastor. I understand that your father has strong convictions, but he has gone too far. I think his pastor might be able to show him that shunning his son was simply not very Christian, irresponsible, and not very loving. Tell your father's pastor to him that you miss him and you miss your family. I hope the best for you.

03-04-2003, 07:38 PM	#16
One of the last sane Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: hereabouts Posts: 734	If you talk to your dad face to face rather than writing to him, have an independent mediator present. Parents tend to know all the buttons to push to make a teenager feel as helpless as a little kid and behave accordingly. Good luck, hang in there, be strong.

03-04-2003, 07:56 PM	#17
Sephiroth Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 625	Well, if you get along real well with your aunt then, if I were you I would stay with her permanently if it's possible. Don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for and there's no sense in pretending to be a theist now that you've made your views known since they'll probably come out again later. What's the chances that you'll be able to reconcile with your father (without apologies) and what does your mother think of this?

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