Godless Dave

When I go to bars I am not (necessarily) hoping to meet a woman to take home that night, but I would be hoping to meet a woman I can call the following weekend for dinner and a movie. Or just a movie. Or coffee in the afternoon, whatever. Just because I am looking for a potential love interest does not mean I am looking for a slut. It is hard to meet single 20- and 30-somethings, and bars is one place where they are rumored to hang out. And since I like going to bars to hear live music, it is one place where I might, possibly, meet a woman with whom I have at least two interests in common (music and beer). And the established way to meet potential love interests (not necessarily for that same night) is to engage in the meeting ritual, which involves conversation, dancing, and drink-buying. Just because we are looking to meet potential romantic partners does not mean we are only looking for cheap sex.

And no, I've never met a long-term love interest this way, or even a one-nighter. But for all of my 20s I was way too shy to strike up conversations with the ones who were interested, so my experiences with this method are not a good measure of its effectiveness.

Obviously guys who grope you or call you names are scum.

brighid

Godless Dave,

I know ... I know ... and hence why nice guys are appreciated. Those usually aren't the ones approaching women in bars though

I have always gone to bars just to have fun, especially after I got a little older and a bit wiser I was not there to pick up a guy. We went to listen to a friends band play, have a few drinks after work, dance and hang out.

As a woman you know that a guy is using all that because he is truly most interested in getting in your pants. That can be quite offensive given the approach. As the old saying goes (some) men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love.

If I meet you in a bar unfortunately I would be more likely to be suspicious of your intentions, because after all ...

Brighid

cheetah

brighid,
I agree with all you've said and the frustrations you've expressed. Unfortunately, it would appear that most of the posters here would say talking to a guy is playing coy, because we, as women, *have* to acknowledge that there is a 99.999999999997% chance they want sex and if we are just talking, we are wasting their time/money/etc.

Bible Humper

Ummm....no. The way you call guys who DON'T think that the clubs and dating game are ridiculous all kinds of names is what suggests you have some kind of resentment.

It's always the guys who are unsuccessful who express such disgust for the game and those who play the game, in my experience.

I wasn't the one who changed the others' argument in order to knock over a strawman.....


It isn't a case of "just a few women out there". You'll probably never believe me because you have what seems to be an ideologically based opinion of the matter, but your idea that only a small minority of "those kinds of women" will indulge in no strings attached sex is dead wrong.


Too bad you couldn't have explained your position, and invite those who think differently to share theirs, without calling names like "fucktards" and "assclowns".

That is what made the chip on your shoulder so obvious, and made the discussion a confrontation rather than an exchange.

Godless Dave

Only in a particular context, which is a bar or nightclub.

And from a male perspective, it is very difficult for me to think of any other reason to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

brighid

That's why we should recommend prostitutes ... at least then they won't be wasting their time or their money and they will know that getting laid is a "for sure thing", no ones feelings will get hurt, and all is well that ends well. Guys get laid, they don't waste their precious time and money by doing useless things like having conversations and/or dancing with females because after all they only want to fuck ... women won't get molested, or have to turn down men, we can dance in peace and those who actually want to have a conversation and dance can do so! But a prostitute is going to be a bit more expensive then a 10$ martini ...

Thanks goodness many men aren't like this.

I guess the moral to this story is don't expect to find genuine men, interested in genuine conversation, desiring to know you for more then your tits, ass and what is hiding underneath that g-string in bars. And if happen to have tits, ass, and something sweet under that g-string any cordial interaction you have with a guy in a bar is some implicit acceptance of sexual intercourse at some future point in time.

Is there any wonder communication between the sexes can be so fucked up?

Brighid

brighid

And from a female perspective I find that pretty sad I can think of plenty of reason to strike up a conversation with a stranger ...

Brighid

Loren Pechtel

The sluttiest person I know is female.

Bible Humper

Just to mention something regarding what Brighid is mentioning:

These "bold" guys who use the sort of comeons you described, the ones who try to get fresh right from the get-go, or who approach on the street with "Hey baby, you lookin' so fiiiiiiine", are insecure and do so as a way to lessen the "hurt" of rejection. It is easier to depersonalise the rejection when your approach conveys immediate exaggerated sexuality this way. These guys would be crushed if the rejection was more personal.

You also get the same kind of thing from the guys hollaring out of cars, or from a construction site. It's just to impress their friends about the "big balls" they've got to do such a thing.

Bold and confident are two different things.

Lots of guys get bold once they've got some liquid courage in them.

The defensive mentality women get into in this environment are why, IMO, bars are the worst place of all to pickup women. Clubs have specific features that make them quite good, but bars suck serious ass.

Or it's always possible that I just haven't figured them out well enough. /shrug

Monkeybot

That is so true. I actually dislike going to bars to meet guys for that very reason. Just too much pressure. (So I generally don't go to bars -- just thought I'd say that lest anyone accuse me of leading guys on )