MadMordigan

You are mentioning these stories about sexual incompatibility, but missing one obvious solution: don't make sex such a big deal that it can make or break a relationship.

I agree. If chicks would just suck my cock and stop making a big deal of it, relationships would go a lot smoother.

B34RZ0R

Well here is the root of the problem in the sermon you heard (as far as I am concerned of course)It was in rural Wisconsin! Anybody heard of Ed Gein B4? ... Of course the more rural an area it seems the more fundy garbage is accepted. I would have to answer no to the questions presented and agree with a few others here that regret only some of the people that they have bumped uglies with.. like that one really really mean Jewish girl I dated! ***YIKES*** I however do not see it as a pre-req or anything, if someone has decided not too, good for them.. but the chances of that person now finding their equal in a partner is becoming more and more slim... speaking in referance to "our" culture of course.
Be Well
(and have lots of slippery fun )
*Bear*

jasonpiao

Yet the point is now moot.

If you don't want sex, why get married? You aren't promising fidelity, as it is inevitable. You aren't trying to guarantee the lineage of your progeny, so there is no need for rules to live by.
Basically, you can live together, not in sin, for the rest of your lives and not even god will be offended.
And we all know how easily the all-wise omniscient creator of sexual beings gets offended.

dangin

I love horror stories. . .Why?

tronvillain

Well, either he turned out to be really good, in which case it is a matter of regreting missed opportunities, or really bad, in which case the whole marriage could have been avoided. I'm going to guess really bad.

Glory

That's very nice but it's not a marraige. It is friendship.



You haven't had sex yet. Have you considered the possibilty that you might alter your views once you have had sex?



Again, you haven't had sex yet. Try feeding ducks in the midst of post coital afterglow. It gets better.



What is dangerous is not recognising sex as being as important as it is. It is not the only foundation of a marraige but it is an integral part of the foundation. You're trying to make cement without water. It doesn't work. You end up with sand.



It isn't about comparisons. It is about wanting at least some of the same things and enjoying sex together. Example, I love oral sex. I love giving and recieving. I had a boyfriend who didn't like oral sex. He wanted neither to give it or recieve it. He and I were incompatible. He could not give me what I wanted in sexual relationship. This had nothing to do with comparing him to other guys. It had to do with what I wanted versus what he wanted.



Reality is what it is. You can wish all you want. It won't change anything. Sex is important and has a profound effect on a relationship. If you don't realise that you are in for a world of hurt. I am not saying this for the sake of argument. I am actually a little worried about you. Have you considered how your wife will react when you explain to her that you would rather feed woodland creatures than have sex with her? If my husband said that I would be very hurt. It would make me feel unattractive, and unloved.



Don't knock it 'till you try it, kid.

Glory

Skepticos

Godless Dave,

I think that the preacher was spewing the same old Xtian rubbish. Trust your first impression!

To your questions:

"Do you regret having sex before marriage, either with your current spouse or with other people?"

Nope. It was great before the wedding, and still is.

"Do you think you would be happier if you had only ever had sex with this one person?"

I am glad that I had the experiences I had before meeting my wife, and I am glad that she had hers. It gave us perspective.

"Would it have been more special if you had waited until your wedding night to do it?"

My wedding day was the best day of my life. I think that not having poked my wife before that night would have made that special night awkward.

"Do you feel jealous about the other people your spouse slept with before you were married to each other?"

No. I have even considered allowing my wife to have sex with other people even after getting married.

- Skepticos

ManM

Glory,
Wow. That has to be the bleakest outlook on marriage that I have ever seen. I look at it as two people who choose to walk down the road of life together as one, supporting each other along the way.

dangin,
You seem to be misunderstanding my position. I would be just as comfortable with a spouse who wants sex once a day as one who wants sex once a month. It would not kill me if I wanted sex but my spouse didn't. I'd get over it, and more importantly, it would not have a huge impact on my marriage. Not to take the steam out of your rant or anything, but I am not supporting the backwards position that all sex is evil. I just find it dangerous when blown out of proportions. Now if you are going to claim that it is impossible to love outside of sex, I am simply going to disagree based on my personal experience.

tronvillain,
I understand that it is important for many of you. But I am supporting the idea that the importance of sex should not be blown out of proportions. I think the best summary of my position is that sex should not make or break a relationship. This does not require sex to lose all importance.

To everyone else,
I can see that the atmosphere is going sour in here, so I will bow out. I regret that everyone automatically jumps to the conclusion that since I am trying to knock the importance of sex down a few pegs I must be one of those "sex is evil" people. Sex is evil if it ruins a relationship or causes pain and sorrow down the road. I don't know of anyone who disagrees with that. But in the right context, I believe sex is far from evil. The deeper moral question is, when is sex good and when is it bad? I think the only time we can be assured it is good is in the framework of a loving marriage. I do not wish to harm anyone, and so I am waiting for marriage before sex.

And to those who think I, as a virgin, have no business talking about sex, you may be right. But I would contend that there are many counter-examples to that way of thinking, some of which are not flattering. As non-fundies, we have no business talking about those who speak in tongues at revivals? And so I share my opinions about sex, just as I share my opinions about blathering gibberish.

luvluv

Does it necessarily follow that because a couple does not engage in premarital sex that they are in no position to know and discuss the extent of their respective libidos?

I think I will be more than capable of articulating to my future wife how often I would like to have sex, without actually having sex with her. I mean, regardless of whether or not a person is having sex, don't they know how much they would like to have? I really don't picture getting married to a beautiful woman and having my libido go down (at least until the kids are born).

I do think that people who have not had sex before marriage do probably have an advantage over other couples in terms of their ability to weather a period where the sex is bad. For one, they won't have a wealth of comparison but they will also have had to have learn to live a life where regular good sex was not an essential.

I can see how a woman who was with a GREAT sexual partner for a string of, say, 6 or 7 years before she was married, in which she was having regular orgasms, could be in for some culture shock if she marries someone who is much less experienced. Just a fact that you have a sure winner that you could resort to, someone you know could bring you to Nirvana more often than not, could prove an irresistible temptation once you are 3 or 4 years into bad sexual relationship. A person who had never had "Desmond from the Isle of St. Croix" rock her world would probably be willing to be more patient. I would think infidelity would be less likely, for those reasons, in a marriage between two virgins.

I'm just spit-ballin though.

frostymama

We are still happily together 4+ years later so there really aren't any horror stories to tell.

It didn't really have anything to do with good or bad. We just didn't have the same drives. We went into the marriage expecting differnt amounts of sex. One of us wanted it all of the time... while the other one would have been content with once a week.

We also didn't know each others' bodies very well or what we liked in the bedroom. I think my wedding night would have been a lot better if there wasn't that "first time" awkwardness and pressure to preform. Don't get me wrong... it was great. It just wasn't the toe-curling experience where time seems to stop that I know now it could have been if we had been more in tune with each other.

It added a lot of tension to the marriage early on that took a while to work through (not to mention I got knocked up the first month). I think it could have been much better if we took the time to get to know each other in the bedroom while we were dating instead of working through all of that awkwardness while trying to adjust to a new life as a married couple.