Jamie_L

Well, I've got a daughter, and this is something I've thought about. I've also got a son, and knowing the impact porn had on me, I've thought about it's impact on him as well.

The conclusion I've come to so far is that there are risks associated with pornography, both as a participant and a viewer. Because of my interpretation of those risks, no, I don't want my daughter involved in the industry and I don't want my son viewing porn at an early age.

However, that doesn't mean it's MORALLY wrong or should be illegal. I don't want my son getting involved in binge drinking or hard-core drugs, but these are still things that I think adults should be able to make their own choices about. Heck, I don't want my son becoming a soldier or a recreational rock-climber.

Acceptable? Sure. When she's ready to learn about such a lifestyle. Desirable relative to other options? That's a different issue altogether.

I think objectification of people is problematic, and porn can feed into that. But I think the problem isn't necessarily the porn, but the availability of it to people unprepared to deal with it. Regulation is probably better than prohibition. Alcohol causes all kinds of problems. Heck, I know multiple people who've lost loved ones to drunk drivers, and someone I know nearly died of alcohol poisoning. But I don't think drinking to get a buzz is immoral. People old enough to make their own choices should be allowed to make potentially self-destructive choices - as long as they are able to get good information about the choices. The government just shouldn't be in the business of protecting people from themselves.

That's a very good question. But Britney Spears and "Women's" magazines bother me more than pornography in that regard. Of course, I've also got to worry about my kids growing up in an over-religicized world. *sigh*

What's a parent to do, indeed.

Jamie

christ-on-a-stick

Hi Odemus,

I'm actually in the middle of developing a lengthy reply to the posts made since I last posted, but wanted to reply to ya here real quick...
These two statements (well one is a question) are totally incongruous.

First of all, if I have a daughter, once she is an adult I won't be "sending" her anywhere - she will be free to make her own decisions. If this hypothetical daughter *were* to come to me (or if I found out) that she was "off in California doing gangbangs" I would try to dialogue with her honestly and frankly, be open about my own experiences (both the negative and positive) and give her the best advice I could.
Here I think we come to the crux of the matter.

Minor quibble first - being a porn actor is NOT a "lifestyle" any more than being an accountant is a "lifestyle". Sure, some people in the industry have similar lifestyles (much as in many professions I would think). But the reality is that the "lifestyles" of porn actors and actresses range as far and wide as you can imagine and I am willing to bet are, for the most part, not what you envision. If you saw me walking down the street/at Home Depot/at the park with my nephews/in my office at an investment banking firm - I guarantee you would never in a million years guess at what my "side" career is. Hell, most of my family doesn't know, and a few of my friends! Don't you think that if it was a "lifestyle" they might notice it??? IT'S A JOB.

But anyway, back to what I sense is the crux of the matter:

It seems to me that you really are having a hard time wrapping your head around the fact that, yes, some of us do in fact believe that it is an acceptable *job*, so I imagine we would be honest with our children about that belief - but bear in mind that as Jamie_L just said, "acceptable" and "desirable" in relation to other options are not synonymous.

That's it for the moment, although I will be addressing a point on the porn v. prostitution issue a bit later. Jamie_L's previous post (from last night) elucidated it quite well.

Later!

Godless Dave

Me too! Nice point, Jamie_L.


Yeah!

dangin

Realize that sex is the way of the world. Everyone does it, those that don't fail to be represented in the next generation. Realize that this is why it is so interesting to everyone, even you, hence your participation here.

I too have a daughter to raise, I hope she enjoys her sexuality and lives an intelligent and safe life while having sex and controlling her womb by whatever method she and her partners choose.

This is not an oversexed society. There is no such thing as over sexed. There is no standard amount of sex that is acceptable and anything above that is "over". That is rubbish.

Be wise, raise your daughter to enjoy her body. Don't tell her masturbation is wrong. Don't tell her sex is wrong. Tell her why to use condoms, even if she is on the pill. Tell her that sexual feelings, urges, curiosities, and drives are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Empower her to be strong, knowledgeble and safe.

Otherwise tell her that sex is dirty, she should never masturbate, and that women who enjoy sex are whores. But don't save for her future college, save for her future therapy.

dangin

People in the industry shop at Home Depot. I've got to start working on my house!

christ-on-a-stick

:notworthy

Godless Dave

And get that old crib out, because you're likely to have new grandchild when she's 16 or so.

Viti

I did not start dancing until I was almost 27 years old and had been happily married for 6 years. My parents were not thrilled, but I told them matter of factly what I had chosen to do and gave them the choice of accepting it or not. Prior to deciding to dance full time I had a successful retail management career with a nationwide chain (I was the youngest department manager and was routinely transferred to "problem" stores because of my proven ability to turn things around and increase profits) and was a gemologist in a prestigious jewelry store for 4 years.

At every single "legitimate" job I had worked prior I dealt with sexual harassment in one form or another. Everything from crude joking innuendos to outright propositions...this was in a mainstream retail environment. My last job at the jewelry store my Mormon manager was overtly sexual, and started a rumor that I was sleeping with him. This caused issues with the rest of the staff and created an environment I simply didn't want to deal with. I am willing to bet most women have dealt with sexual harassment and/or discrimination in some form or another at many or most of their jobs. It is so pervasive that only the most outrageous cases are reported.

When I was dancing, I was in control. I controlled how much I made, who I danced for/talked to, when I worked, and the sexuality issue was right up front...it was the most honest work environment I have ever been in. No greedy CEOs with questionable ethics raiding the coffers, no layoffs, no incompetent managers referring to me as "girl" and asking me to get them coffee, no unreasonable customers asserting that they are always right (if a customer at the strip club was an asshole, I could say "hey, you're an asshole and I don't want your money"...could never do that in any other job!).

The only reason I retired from dancing is that I turned 30 and didn't want to be competing with the younger girls, and the older you get the less you make...just a downside to that kind of work. I know some women dance part time as a side job and have other careers during the day, but I simply am too lazy to do both

It was fun while it lasted and I don't regret it at all. As to raising girls...no I don't plan on promoting any part of the sex industry to my kids, but if they make the decision to enter it as an adult I won't have anything to say about it and will simply accept their right to make their own choices.

Ab_Normal

Jeepers, I go to lunch and this topic takes off in a direction I can finally contribute on... and everybody else says it better than I ever could.

I was raised to have the attitudes toward sex outlined in dangin's last paragraph, and somedays I do feel like I should be in therapy. Which is why I'm trying to instill in my daughter an honest respect for herself as a whole human being, including intellect, looks, and sexuality. I have no idea if I'm doing it right, which is why I don't recommend parenting for the faint-hearted.

Deacon

Well, we live in a society where you can build a 1000 bridges but if you suck one cock you're not known as a bridge builder, you're known as a cock sucker.

I don't women should be condmened as "sluts" for being overtly sexual or participating in a sexual profession. They should be applauded... in most cases.