Spaz

There was an episode of southpark about when they found heaven. Then they found out that Saddam had been sent there because he enjoyed hell and heaven was only for the mormons and it was hell for saddam, so the question they posed in southpark was: "Now that we know heaven exists, the question is: Should we bomb it?" It was great.

Doctor X

HA!

With "the Voice from Above" asking:

V from A: Saddam? Are you making weapons of mass destruction?

Saddam: [Standing with hardhat amidst a huge weapons complex on a cloud.--Ed.]

No God! This just looks like a weapons factory.

V from A: Well . . . okay. . . . [Disappears.--Ed.]

Saddam: Ha! Asshole!

In all seriousness to remove things like the herem or sacrifice of prisoners to a deity, sacrifice of chidren and women to a deity, and other examples of wanton slaughter from the OT requires a laundry job that would make a Columbian Cartel blush.

--J.D.

fried beef sandwich

Probably feel very uncomfortable, but since when did feeling threatened give you the license to open fire at said people with a machine gun? In essence, that's what Elisha said.

Those kids were probably there to jeer at Elisha and give him a hard time, no different than what many street preachers experience on a daily basis when they sit at their designated spots and preach hellfire and damnation.

Myself, I probably would turn the other cheek, or kept my cool and find a graceful way to bow out of a tense situation.

There are plenty of ways God could have made those kids go away. Have them lose interest, send a bolt of lightning down to shock and awe them, appear in a smoky pillar, maybe get them to CONVERT and begin worshipping the God of the Israelites and thus save their souls. Elisha could have probably made like some of the more enlightened Buddhist monks and have simply walked on by.

But no, God wanted to maul them. To horribly disfigure them, and inflict serious injuries that, given the largely unsterile conditions of the time, would probably become gangrenous and lead to death.

Hell, what productive purpose does sending 2 bears to maul a group of kids? Maybe it was just a typo: maybe he sent 42 bears to maul 2 kids. That's even worse. And as for what are 40 kids doing outside of the city? Ever hear of suburbs? Or the concept of outlying farmland? Baseball? Football?

The god of the Bible has a serious impulse control problem.

I wonder what Elisha was thinking. Did he welcome the maulings? Did he sit back and watch? Did he turn his back to the horrible, painful screams? If I was in his shoes and I heard/saw what was going on, I would have shot another prayer to Yahweh, namely.

"What the F*** are you DOING?!?!?!"

Then, I would have tried to get those kids to a healer, STAT. Or maybe not. I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

[edit] Or, here's a thought. I would have used my priestly/prophetly powers to miraculously heal/resurrect all the dead, dying and injured kids to demonstrate the power of God and the love of God all in one fell swoop. If OT God == NT God, that would have probably been the uber-godly, preferred course of action. But this seems to be situation where Elisha or God wanted to pump his fist in the air and say, "Ha! Sucks to be you!"

unregistered_user_1

Well, since Elijah was taken there by friggin' HORSE-DRAWN CHARIOT, it can't be that far, seeing as how he had no protective gear, and also that at the rate of speed of chariots, he'd still be in the solar system yet.

But of course, heavenly chariots are faster, I suppose.

Hey Magus! You forgot something! Remember when you said:
Well, I've just shown that the bible says that Elijah went to heaven, and since that contradicts what the NT says from your statement above, then the NT has a proven error!

For the hell of it, here's that verse again:
2 Kings 2:11

BrotherMan

Don't forget Genesis 5:24:

Secular Pinoy

I'm still waiting for Gakusei to prove how he was able to interpret "go up, you baldhead" to mean something else, a death threat.

Doctor X

fried beef sandwich:

OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH!!!!

Yes! But Elisha was a heathen who had not yet experienced Jesus and made him his Personal Savior--which you can if you ACT NOW!!! For only seventy times seven easy payments of $19.99, you TOO, can share the WEALTH and HAPPINESS of many now destitute gullible slobs. . . .

Secular Pinoy:

The children would have revealed Elisha visited Hair Club for Men. . . .

The other one that gets me is when a CITY gets "put to the sword" this should include at least ONE pregnant woman.

I guess abortion is fine if you are Big Daddy. . . .

--J.D.

Magus55

Actually, the definition of universe only means the whole of everything observable, not absolutely everything, therefore there can be an "outside" of the universe, it just hasn't been observed yet. And even that is a stretch, since we have never seen everything there is in the universe. And the spritual world isn't bound by the natural one.

Main Entry: uni·verse
Pronunciation: 'yü-n&-"v&rs
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin universum, from neuter of universus entire, whole, from uni- + versus turned toward, from past participle of vertere to turn -- more at WORTH
Date: 1589
1 : the whole body of things and phenomena observed or postulated : COSMOS: as a : a systematic whole held to arise by and persist through the direct intervention of divine power b : the world of human experience c (1) : the entire celestial cosmos (2) : MILKY WAY GALAXY (3) : an aggregate of stars comparable to the Milky Way galaxy
2 : a distinct field or province of thought or reality that forms a closed system or self-inclusive and independent organization
3 : POPULATION 4
4 : a set that contains all elements relevant to a particular discussion or problem
5 : a great number or quantity <a large enough universe of stocks... to choose from -- G. B. Clairmont>


When did I say Elijah went to Heaven by dying? Don't think He did die, however Christians believe Elijah to be one of the 2 Witnesses in Revelation, who will be martyred for standing up against the Antichrist. Elijah didn't necessarily escape death yet.

Doctor X

So . . . if he did not go to heaven . . . he is . . . what?

Just hanging about?

Where?

One of Jupiter's moons?

Compton?

--J.D.

Kosh

Get real Doc! I've been to Compton. I bought a truck there in 1986! It looks more like hell!